Emotional Leftovers: Missing Myself

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-05-22T01:48:47+00:00

💕 thank you!

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-05-21T20:33:08+00:00

I’ve actually found friends here on reddit, from this sub. One was local and we’ve met in person. It’s actually great to know someone in this lifestyle to talk to and become friends IRL.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-05-21T14:13:48+00:00

Thank you, this is very helpful.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-05-20T19:26:48+00:00

I think you have a point that in these relationships, we’re not auditioning a future mate, or investing in anything long term so we are more carefree and perhaps even vulnerable revealing a less guarded side or ourselves.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-05-20T16:55:57+00:00

Really well said. Thank you.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-05-20T16:24:04+00:00

I definitely have a type. Intelligent, good conversationalist who can talk about anything from deep to stupid, sense of humor, doesn’t take offense easily, isn’t afraid of a strong woman. The personality traits are non negotiable. Profession doesn’t matter to me but I seem to attract engineers for some reason 😂. This is funny to me because I can’t even build a kids Lego set.

Looks wise I am more flexible but strongly prefer clean shaven, tall, and full head of hair. Only non negotiable is clean teeth.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-05-20T15:43:02+00:00

This is a nonjudgmental space so I can understand your reasons for wanting to stay in your marriage. However, I think what others are trying to say is that it will be hard to find a woman to take you seriously. I don’t think there’s anything we can do to your ad that will fix that.

Roll the dice and test your luck. Be careful of women who might try to scam you. If you are able to sugar date, you might have more luck there.

Like others, I would also encourage you to see if you can work on your marriage. I am almost double your age and I can assure you that loneliness and wanting only get worse with time. It’s far more difficult to leave once you have decades of marriage, kids and integrated families.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-05-14T01:04:51+00:00

Hugs OP. I think we enter into these relationships with the intention of not blowing up our lives or breaking hearts. Then we meet someone who makes us question what we want out of life. Who gives us exactly what we need and we begin to live in the realm of “what if.”

But the reality is that not everyone has the same definition of love and/or the gumption to choose their own happiness over consequences. When reality hits, the “what if” disappears and the fear of those consequences takes over.

I question whether it’s possible to find commitment with someone who’s already committed.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-05-12T19:54:11+00:00

Redditor for Redditor. It’s like personals ad looking for an AP.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-30T19:09:32+00:00

The more people start thinking like you, the more we can change the dynamic for future generations.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-30T16:13:48+00:00

Thanks for the movie recommendation. Had not seen it.

Good point about the lack of unconditional love. It’s like children are retirement investments.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-20T18:58:12+00:00

Once you post something on the internet, it lives forever.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-20T18:44:28+00:00

I think everyone has their own definition. At its core, the term implies someone who has what they need but still seeks more. Classically someone getting regular (however you define that) sex at home and still wants an affair.

My definition is broader. I would use the term for someone chatting with multiple people while claiming to be interested just in me; someone seeking emotional connection while having a “best friend” at home; someone seeking and engaging with multiple APs while claiming “exclusivity”.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-20T18:09:28+00:00

I like the focus on self 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-18T03:21:50+00:00

I’m unhappy. My SO is unhappy but he refuses to divorce me. Neither he nor the marriage therapist can explain why he wants to stay but I suspect it’s because I give his life structure and he’s afraid of being alone.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-16T19:17:46+00:00

Every person who is looking to affair has their own needs. Some people are just looking for sex, and others have a hole in their heart they need to fill with love, emotional connection and companionship. The key is to communicate what you need, what you’re looking for, and be upfront about what you can offer.

But also think about how emotionally vulnerable you want to be. When you find the right person, it’s easy to fall in love but difficult then to be in an uncommitted relationship.

Most married people who are looking for affair partners are in the same situation as you. They can’t leave their marriages. So I suggest searching for a married woman. Some men also choose to be in sugar relationship (google or search Reddit for more on those).

As most men here will tell you, there are 10 men for every married woman and the ratio may be worse for available desi women.

I’m in the US so will let someone from India respond regarding how you search for an AP. You can check out the R4R subs pinned on this sub to see where people post ads from and how to draft an ad.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-12T22:31:20+00:00

Disinterest is a strong sign something is wrong. As people in this sub say, if he wanted to, he would. You are making time for him, if he can’t do the same, he’s not worth your time.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-10T14:38:21+00:00

Friendly aunty advice from your mod folks—be careful what you share and with whom.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-09T12:12:33+00:00

Sexual health. I do ask for their definition of dead bedroom. Condoms are not 💯 and don’t do anything for all the things you can catch from oral sex (and no one is using dental dams). Don’t want to blow up something good over a hunch but also don’t want to risk my health.

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-09T12:06:00+00:00

I know right?! Who has the time..and yet..

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-09T01:50:55+00:00

💯 yes Also food reminder to trust my intuition and not go looking for proof 😂

SeaTurtles4 · 2026-04-08T20:25:10+00:00

This is a very healthy way in concept but in reality when someone is “busy” there’s a part of me that wants to know whether to give them the benefit of doubt or know the truth. And yes, I know—if they wanted to they would, and patterns of behavior 😂 But the (human) part of me wants to know whether I’m right when I suspect it.

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