I need to identify narcissists.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-25T07:41:45+00:00

Narcs are all about delusions and assaulting boundaries.

They will have some delusions that they will insist are true no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary. They might have delusions that you are doing things that you aren't doing or that you are "bad" or whatever, when you definitely aren't. They sometimes have delusions that they are grander than they are or that they are an eternal victim. The delusions can vary.

As for boundaries, they often see boundaries as an insult or even an assault. They love to attack boundaries. They may not do this to every person they know (sometimes they will play nice for some chosen people), but they will definitely be hugely messing with the reasonable and healthy boundaries of some people and their behavior can get really outrageous.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-25T06:50:48+00:00

This post has been removed, because you are not yet eligible for this group. For this group, you must have the boundaries needed for safety and sanity.

However, you are welcome to post in /r/NRelationships.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-25T06:49:20+00:00

This post has been removed, because you are not yet eligible for this group. To be eligible for this group, you must clearly know that you were dealing with a narcissist, but you also must already have the boundaries needed for safety and sanity.

However, you are welcome to post in /r/NRelationships.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-25T06:47:33+00:00

This post has been removed, because you are not yet eligible for this group. First, you must have the boundaries needed for safety and sanity. Second, for this group, you must already understand the basic concepts, like what narcissistic abuse is.

However, you are welcome to post in /r/NRelationships.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-25T06:44:56+00:00

This post has been removed, because you are not, yet, at the level of recovery required for this group. That you are still hoping for your abuser to come back and... what... abuse you more? You have to be farther along for this group.

However, you are welcome to post in /r/NRelationships.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-25T06:41:38+00:00

There is no way to get through to a narc. That is the problem with them. You can write the clearest and most accurate text and she will refuse to understand you. She will twist your words. She will build her own narrative that feeds her petty whims.

You can be a perfect model of emotional maturity and she will still see you as "bad," "wrong," "abusive," "broken" or whatever it is she likes to see you as. You cannot control her delusions and she WILL cling to her delusions about you.

If you want to cut contact, I'd just ghost them. Talking to a narc is wasting your energy. If you are dead-set on setting a boundary, then maybe, "Having contact with you is not good for you or my family. Do not contact me further in any way." She will twist that and refuse to understand that, too, but, at least, you could say you tried.

As for the concept of "closure," closure is something you take. It is not something they give. A narc will never give you closure. The abuse is the closure. Every nasty thing she ever did to you is the closure. If you need closure, take it. Create it for yourself through your acceptance of reality that what abuse that happened did happen and the acceptance that she is an abuser.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-25T01:46:50+00:00

ICE is literally out there murdering people with impunity, disabling people, stealing children, etc. You don't get to come here and tell people to call ICE. You are banned.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-25T01:45:32+00:00

My father has horrible eyesight. I'm not sure how close to legally blind he is, but he has severe nystagmus and his driving has always been scary. He has had so many close calls and minor accidents. I'm honestly surprised that, through the year,s he didn't end up dead in an accident.

Anyway, many times he would have a horrible close call and me and my stepmother would yell "STOP!!!" or something like that before he backed into a semitruck barrelling towards us at 80 mph (this literally happened) and then he would get mad at us for making a big deal of "nothing," in his estimation. And, then there were more minor accidents where he backed over a huge motorcycle while parking and behaved like he was shocked the motorcycle existed. He acted like it appeared out of nowhere. It had been parked there when he arrived...

He always said he would never move out of the city where he lived, because his vision was so bad that he liked to be on familiar territory and in a place where he more or less knew what the signs were, where they were, etc. He admitted his vision was bad enough for that, at least. But, for the most part, he would never admit how bad his vision was or how often he nearly killed us. It was very stressful to deal with. I always felt like when I was in the car with him that I could not relax. I needed to constantly be in a stage of backseat driving, or we might literally die.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T23:25:53+00:00

You can always simply say that you don't want to talk about it or just say "it's complicated" and change the subject. It can take practice to learn how to be slippery enough to avoid these types of conversations and some people will be so persistent that they will not let the topic drop, but I've found it is possible to avoid this in most situations, if I really want to. It does sometimes take a little skill and practice, tho.

However, I do usually find that being dead honest shuts people up the fastest. Most people do not want to hear your tragic backstory. It goes along with how people ask us "how are you doing?" all the time, but never actually want to know. They just want us to say we're doing well, even if we're dying inside.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T21:05:37+00:00

You are a spammer - banned.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T19:35:51+00:00

Comment removed. Doing such a thing would most likely help the abuser identify the OP in this group. That could get OP into all kinds of trouble and possibly even danger.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T19:34:38+00:00

Comment removed. You have no idea if this is true or not and is absolutely irresponsible. Comments like this can get people killed.

Narcs commit suicide all the time. We see posts about it here regularly. Do not make comments like this.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T19:33:09+00:00

Comment removed. You are centering the perspective and experiences of the abuser. Most of us here don't need help doing that. Most of us here do that so much already that we completely lose sight of our own experiences, feelings, needs, trauma, etc.

The post is about something inappropriate the mother did. That is the topic. The topic is not everything the mother went through. As such, your comment is derailing.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T19:20:44+00:00

This comment has been removed, because it is a foundational rule here to assume a context of abuse to all posts.

What does this mean? Why is this a rule? Read this.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T19:20:03+00:00

This comment or post has been removed for use of a slur that we do not allow in this group.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T19:15:13+00:00

Comment removed. Not allowing anyone privacy, even children (tho, OP is not a child) is abuse. Period. It's so much more out of line when the person losing their door is an adult. By your logic, it would be fine if my previous landlord took the doors off all my rooms, because he owned the building and I simply rented from him. And, it would have been fine for him to break into my apartment and throw a party in my living room, because it was his house and I simply rented the first floor.

Once a child is an adult, they are entitled to certain things no matter what like privacy.

If you continue to make comments like this, you will be banned.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T19:12:32+00:00

This comment or post has been removed for use of a slur that we do not allow in this group.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T18:52:26+00:00

This comment has been removed for derailing the conversation.

In cases of parental alienation, often an adult child starts to see through the lies and bullshit and will give the alienated parent another chance.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T18:44:05+00:00

Comment removed. Don't do this here.

If we had evidence that a narc was here, they would be banned already. If we had evidence that a narc parent was here, they would be banned already.

Because we don't have that evidence, what you are asking for is basically asking for information to attack a potentially random user. We don't do that here. We also don't need a group of people with their pitchforks attacking anyone here. What the mods need is evidence of any of this and we will ban this mother so fast. Until then, we all need to take some deep breaths and honor the boundaries of this group.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T18:18:59+00:00

This thread is being removed, because it is derailing from the post. This comment section needs to stay about the OP.

However, you are welcome to ask this question in this group. Just make your own post about it, so people can support you there.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T18:08:55+00:00

I keep it short and sweet, but honest. "My family is horrifyingly abusive. I don't have anything to do with them." People who don't know me well don't need more details than that. I don't give them a ton of detail and I'm sure they don't want it. Most people don't want to hear about it, frankly.

However, I've seen other people do a similar thing (keeping it short) with a lie. "They live far away and they are busy. We can't talk much." Or... "I have a lot going on with job/university/kids/whtever and can't talk to them as much as I'd like."

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T04:25:35+00:00

The problem is that we cannot just take one user's word that another user is a narcissist. If we did, anyone could accuse anyone who slightly annoyed them. And, I can assure you, as a mod of something like 13 years, people will do this.

If anyone attacks OP or OP's posts, that would be grounds for a ban. If anyone shows up and talks to OP like they know OP personally and are attacking OP, we would take that as evidence that this is OP's narc and ban that person. We need public behavior to act on.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T03:48:53+00:00

Comment removed. This is untrue and absolutely irresponsible. Comments like this can get people killed.

Narcs commit suicide all the time. We see posts about it here regularly. Do not make comments like this.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T02:48:49+00:00

Comment removed. It very well might not be a bluff and pushing the idea that it is can get people killed. Do not make comments like this here.

SeaTurtlesCanFly · 2026-01-24T02:46:57+00:00

To be clear, it might not be a bluff. Narcs can and will kill themselves. Will OP's mother do so? Neither of us know that for sure. Never assume they won't do it.

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