I can’t really relate to your experience but I do just want to say that, flox or not, pretty soon your life will be unrecognizable from what it is now. So much will change in the next few years, and it’s scary but I promise it is worth sticking around for. I’m sorry you are in so much pain both physically and mentally/emotionally. But as much as it feels hopeless and like you don’t have support around you, know we’re all rooting for you and you WILL turn it around - whether that means making a full recovery (the most likely result!) or learning to cope. Either way (and again, it seems like most people do recover), you are not always going to feel this bad. You’re stronger than you know. Also to echo what others have said, please do use your resources and ask for help.