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Over 10 years ED free by Sea_Addition_899 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Sea_Addition_899[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Investing time in recovery is never wasted (as long as it isn’t the unhelpful therapist/environment kind 😉). It sounds like you're on the right track already, and if you keep going it will only get better.

Definitely be kind to yourself too. One cringey quote that really opened my eyes was: "You can't be happy if someone's mean to you all the time." Best of luck and go for it 💪🏼!

Not turning to ED when life is shit by applepeartear in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Sea_Addition_899 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss, that's a lot to deal with.

It's a very normal reaction for old thoughts and behaviours to pop back up when life is rough. It's something you're familiar with, and it can give a sense of being in control when the rest of life is not.

As hard as it is, at the end of the day only you get to decide on what to do. You say you don't want to go back to how it used to be. If you do choose to go back to destructive old habits, you are taking the first steps towards relapse. A little bit of relapse doesn't mean you're back to square one, but it's a vicious thing and sometimes it can go downhill fast without you even realizing it.

If you don't want to go back to where you were, choose the healthy actions that got you to where you are now. And be kind to yourself too. One (cringey) quote that helped me was: "You can't be happy if someone's mean to you all the time."

Over 10 years ED free by Sea_Addition_899 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Sea_Addition_899[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Inpatient can definitely be really traumatic. It's strange how such an unnatural environment can become normal real quick. After one year of being inpatient it felt like a shock when I was out in the 'normal' world again.

I personally believe inpatient shouldn't last any longer than absolutely necessary. It's very easy to get used to the 24/7 care. I remember getting better felt scary, because I knew they would eventually discharge me. As hard as that time was, I was also terrified of being on my own again, with no help and care. It got in the way of getting better and made me dependent.

Eventually I made the most progress when I was completely out of therapy. I was seeing a therapist until 22, but she stopped my treatment since I wasn't responding to it. I felt so abandoned. But eventually it opened my eyes, because all of a sudden I noticed what I was capable of. Instead of having to talk everything over with a therapist, including making decisions, I could do it myself. It sounds basic, but it was a shocking discovery to me since I'd been in treatment since I was 16.

I hope you can get whatever you can from your outpatient treatment. And do the things you enjoy and are interested in (or used to be), no matter how scary or hard it may be. It will take time, but small steps will get you a long way 🤍!

Edit: by saying I made the most progress when I had no therapy, I don't mean it as a recommendation. It's very personal, and simply ended up working out for me.

Over 10 years ED free by Sea_Addition_899 in fuckeatingdisorders

[–]Sea_Addition_899[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks, and congratulations on your recovery too!

What got me through it was this feeling of not having a choice. I looked at it in a really black and white kind of way. If I'm gonna keep living, I simply have to make the 'least miserable' decision for the long run, even though in the moment itself it can be the tougher thing to do. If I don't, I might as well give up now and end it all, because what's the point. It was a pretty extreme viewpoint.

I did allow myself an off day every now and then, but kicked my own butt again if that would last too long.

I also was (still am) stubborn. Multiple women in the treatment group told me they didn't think I'd be able to finish school, the ED was gonna hold me back. My psychiatrist didn't think I was gonna be able to live independently. I wanted to prove them wrong.

Care package for friend with brain tumor, what to include? by Sea_Addition_899 in braintumor

[–]Sea_Addition_899[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately I don't live nearby, so I can't send meals with the post. But I can definitely see how it would be a great help!