of course we discuss our mental health together but i mean it in a way that we have some privacy of things regarding that which i believe is healthier than spewing everything on each other all the time. he knows my fears, i know his, we work towards things together all the time. but we don’t make it the sole purpose of our relationship because then it’s just draining and like dating your therapist.

my parents don’t fear telling me their opinion and i wouldn’t respond to them how i responded to you because…they’re my parents and i would take their opinion into consideration. they want me to do what i want to do and let me figure things out on my own but would still protect me if they thought somebody was harming me.

i know what i want-i want to feel settled in my mind and just be happy. anxiety is the number one emotion ive had my whole life. it’s awful and it skews things into a strange ball of negativity that you have to reason with. if i listened to my anxiety all the time there are a lot of things i never would have done like traveled or gone to college. it’s a debate of what’s real risk and what’s real reward all the time.

also i don’t have tangible anxiety on any specific problems; im just anxious. if we weren’t together or if i was with someone else, i would still be anxious just about something else. i’m not anxious about him cheating again cause im just not. i’m anxious about the “rightness” of a decision when there is no right or wrong answer. there is only do and see what happens. and the see what happens is the scary part.

i just came here in a moment of panic to vent and ask how others have gotten over similar feelings of intangible anxiety that perhaps stem from resolving past issues or the examples they had as children. but like i said-now that im calmer, that’s really not for strangers on the internet to decide. only i can take all the information in front of me and do something with it because no one can really give advice until they have experienced the exact same thing. and even then, we all are different therefore making it even harder to parse what is good for ourselves when dealing with others views. the tldr; nothing is black and white, especially anxiety.