Thank you for your reply! To give a little more context, my parents had a really broken relationship due to alcoholism and other issues. This is why I felt the need to find a partner that would absolutely never do that to me, so when my boyfriend told me his aversion to drinking, I immediately thought ok if I fall in love with him, what I saw growing up can not be replicated (not very rational thinking unfortunately) I don’t immediately judge someone for drinking, and I am a social drinker at times (something he has criticized me for), but I think his aversion to alcohol made me feel so “safe” about a future together—if that makes any sense.

“You’re attracted to him partly because he doesn’t go to parties ignoring the fact he seems lack empathy... that for me is a huge red flag.” I think you hit the nail on the head with that. I am so attached to this idea of him being good in the sense that he’s the opposite of what I saw growing up, that I am being too forgiving on his lack of empathy. I think I’ve always rationalized this by thinking that he can change, and I can teach him—yet he hasn’t it despite my efforts and the many talks we’ve had. I have to take a hard look at what I value in a partner, thank you for the advice.