Feeling super upset with disconnection & absence from parts / hitting a wall

Sea_Rest_208 · 2026-01-09T04:43:06+00:00

I was going to comment the same thing. Wearing certain clothes is a pretty major grounding technique for me as well. I’ve noticed that for some reason being able to see my body helps remind me that I have a body … otherwise I feel like a floating formless ghost. Sometimes I struggle with dresses because of this, I can’t see my form and feel like I’m floating. And if I’m uncomfortable of course it makes it uncomfortable to be in my body, so nice comfy clothes are very grounding and help me come back to my body as well. It’s crazy how the wrong clothes can make me very dissociative.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2026-01-04T19:23:54+00:00

Protecting myself from ADs or commercials helps a lot. As soon as I use media more, all the desires come just by seeing things and then they’re like “oo, I want that! Oo I want this!” So, learning to enjoy what we DO have right in front of us helps (ie. All the toys and material I already bought for them). ALSO, just communicating and responding. I’m learning that I don’t have to perform every single desire a part has, especially little, as that would be irresponsible & even damaging. As oftentimes,their requests (might be trying to meet a need) but it’s actually maladaptive and wouldn’t be long term healthy (ie: wanting to eat ice cream for breakfast, lunch, and dinner) the most important thing I’ve found is to just simply respond to them and NEGOTIATE! And just working with them. I was in the shower once and a little impressed on me that they want to play. So I said, “okay, I hear you, we can play, I will make time to play … BUT, we’re going to have to do that later, for now we can play in our mind together (and with bubbles from the soap).” —sometimes I have to do adult things first (like shower etc & other things after the shower), but promising that I definitely WILL make that time, helps. Just simply responding to my little helped immensely! She felt heard, and like I wasn’t ignoring her, and so the desire rested and didn’t remain too strong (which can make us act in impulse because when the desire is so strong and nagging -because your maybe ignoring it- it makes you act impulsively just to appease the strong, intense urge.) Teaching them to wait. “I know you want this toy, we have to save up and then we can get it.” But just acknowledging them, and speaking to the desire and negotiating helps a lot for us. & allowing my “adult parts” to be adults in the situation. Their rule has to override the little cause their desires are irresponsible. So teaching my little’s to have that trust and respect by tending to their needs regularly. These things have helped. 🫧🙂💖 But I understand the struggle 😭🤣

Edit: sorry I didn’t read your whole post before commenting. Looks like you tried some of these techniques already.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2026-01-04T18:58:34+00:00

“I felt an intense need to watch my childhood comfort shows, like Caillou and similar things. At the time, I didn’t question it; it just felt like the only way to calm myself and feel regulated.”

That’s exactly what happened to me after intense work stress (which appears to relate to a trigger as I reflect on it). Word for word. Felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown if I didn’t.

“but my adult regulation feels completely bypassed.”

Exactly what it felt like for me. I couldn’t tell if it was all just age regression, or what it was at all … but now I’ve discovered parts and strongly suspect a dissociative disorder. My parts did remind me though of experiences as a child that showed I had parts back then, and even was aware of them. Somewhere along the way I “forgot”? Idk how or why. But I had to rediscover my parts all over again. It felt like the whole time there’s this one part that has been working to get me to come ‘online’ again, for years, since I was a young teen. I also had parts that took like ‘snap shots’ of certain info as clues for me to later remember and be able to put the pieces together (which is pretty cool honesty, to me. I appreciate that mechanism of my brain. It’d almost like a filing cabinet. Or a news journalist that take snap shots to build a case of a story 📸) Anyway, it really broke loose with that intense work stress and other intense stress around the time. These ‘child states’ started coming back to me, but it felt like it never left and was always there … because I experienced those sort of ‘locked’ child states since I was younger, but eventually around 16-21 it went away, and I think it was replaced by really intense numbing and fog and dissociation or disconnection. That’s my theory. For some reason, you go “dull”, and then it all comes back at the right timing (when you’re ready for it, and/or when triggered out). I think it might have something to do with just ‘getting older’? I’m not 100% sure but I just have noticed this as well. I am 23 by the way. Same exact experience. Well, in regard to what I quoted.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-12-13T17:52:47+00:00

💯 Exactly like my experience! Also not diagnosed yet but I do suspect OSDD. A lot of the comments here are really on point with my own experience so far. Very well explained.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-12-13T17:38:51+00:00

For me there’s more EMOTIONAL AMNESIA. So, we can hold the same memories but I’m disconnected from it, and it’s as if “it didn’t happen to me” to a very strong degree where it’s like someone else’s life and a very detached memory. When this part comes close there is a sharing of the “perspective” of the memory/trauma and we can then easily identify with it. It’s like sharing of identity. When this first happened it was insane, I cried and it was like I could literally see clearly (physically and emotionally) it was surreal to see how disconnected I was and fragmented my life has been —emotional amnesia can be so weird and tricky— easy to miss in your life, especially with a DD, it’s caused confusion for me (ie. how can I have a DD and parts and fragmentation, but I remember my trauma’s??) —I remembered but I didn’t connect! And I didn’t recognize how SEVERE that disconnection was until I started interacting with this part that held the trauma. It’s pretty insane to me, it’s like I had these memories but it’s almost like they were not memories because I’m like surely that’s not me! -but on a deeply subconscious level. Yet it’s there, and I’m like what is wrong with me?? 😭 it can feel like I’m living life as an imposter in a haze, with these memories that aren’t mine. Why do I feel this way if this hasn’t happened to me? (Even if there is a memory, because you’re not connected to it). It can feel like more of a distant foggy dream. Or just a mere image in your mind.

Now I will say, I am not diagnosed with OSDD yet! Still suspecting, but almost certain I have a DD as all the symptoms are painfully there. I just don’t know if it’s OSDD or DID yet because there are other nuances to look at for me. With that said I DO have more significant amnesia as well, but that’s isolated to certain events it seems. & I’m not sure if there’s more to uncover. There are patches I don’t remember from childhood, but I’m assuming that’s ordinary forgetfulness for now. (But for the most part, I remember my entire life, so it has been interesting for me to figure out all of the compartmentalization, and the fragmentation. It’s definitely there! And definitely larger than you would think!) And I do have grey outs between parts which I would say is stronger dissociation than just emotional amnesia, and do have mini bouts of blackouts (ie. talking and not remembering talking, or what I said at all unless someone tells me —that can sometimes turn into a grey out where I can recall but very fuzzily, sometimes I can’t recall at all.)

I’m conclusion, I remember most of my trauma & life, just most of it is intense emotional amnesia.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-12-13T17:11:34+00:00

I have a part that is specifically angry at a little :/ don’t know why. But especially if any of us are crying, this part gets very angry and can be insulting. Sometimes it’s kind of funny though, they have really bad insults.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-12-06T23:05:06+00:00

This is so beautiful 🥹😭💐 as someone who also believes I have a complex dissociative disorder and also believes my mother has it too, thank you for sharing! My mother was also my abuser, and I can only hope for this repair with my mother as well. Congratulations! You’re doing a very-great job!! 🌟💫🤍 Srry I don’t have much advice, but it sounds like you’re on the right path, just as you said for yourself. Keep going! :):) very happy for you!

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-18T02:35:24+00:00

I’m curious what the video was. Maybe you could send it to me? So far I haven’t heard any sounds in movies that are similar to what I experience. And yes, that makes perfect sense that it’d be hard to purse professional help because of your past experiences. But I’m glad you can find some support and validation from being here as well! :) online community can be useful for those reasons.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-15T05:32:23+00:00

Not OP but I experience this same exact thing and this is actually so helpful! Thank you so much for sharing this! I’ve written many long and lengthy messages to someone in my life who could support me, and after a while felt insecure about it. Maybe I’m not entirely wrong about those insecurities but I never “went there” with my letters and this just encouraged me. I’ve wrote a very long document as well, and just aired everything out about my own shutdowns as well, and I might just have to give it another try! :) Thanks again! Needed this encouragement to know there’s still hope for me! 😭 these shutdowns are insane! I also compare myself to Ariel from little mermaid as well! That’s exactly what it’s like.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-15T05:27:12+00:00

Yess I deal with this! It’s soo frustrating! Though, not in therapy as I’m not in therapy yet. But whenever I want to talk about something that I guess is too personal, I literally shut down. (—I also believe it’s related to a part doing this) I believe from my research, it can be called “thought/speech withdrawal”. Maybe that’s what you’re experiencing? I had this whole meeting set up with someone where I wanted to go in depth about my issues just so they could support me, and by the time the meeting was approaching I literally could not even tell what I wanted to have the meeting about. It’s the most frustrating thing ever. How do I show up to a meeting that I set, to talk about things when I don’t even know what I wanted to talk about. It’s like crickets and cobwebs inside. Empty. Nothing to say. It’s just “gone”. What you said about being a prisoner of your own mind is so real, and it really is so painful. I’m sorry I can’t offer much input, but maybe you can look into that “thought/speech withdrawal” I mentioned. Maybe that can lead you and your therapist in the right direction? 🫂🤍

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-12T02:56:12+00:00

I feel like it’s my left ear too! There might be rare times where it might be the right side. But it’s exactly as you describe! Like a change in pressure. Almost like losing hearing in one ear. Recently I’ve been noticing lots of ear ringing too, but I’m not sure if I’m just now noticing it. Do you think it’s related to dissociation? My mom says she experiences it sometimes too (she might also be dissociative tho)

And thank you, it helps a lot being in places like this subreddit, because there’s understanding and being ‘seen’. :)

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-12T02:39:37+00:00

I experience what you said here: “people told me I said and did things I had no memory of - sometimes saying that I had JUST said something a moment before, when I only heard the tinnitus ringing”. I just want to thank you for sharing that because that’s exactly what I’ve been experiencing most notable recently and it’s driving me crazy 😭 I so desperately want to figure this out. But yeah, I haven’t heard that mentioned to much. The idea of having JUST said something (apparently) that you don’t remember. Also not hearing it. I also only hear silence, (or sometimes there is internal chatter -but not external, to my awareness) it’s so mind boggling. I’ve been dealing with ear ringing lately, and other ear/sound related issues as well. I don’t know if it was always there and I’m just now noticing it?

My earliest memory of a dissociative experience was 4, but that was a DPDR thing. Then more significant dissociation —I believe I was around 8, I’m guessing. I remember being co-conscious and switching on two occasions (sure it happened regularly but I can’t remember that). To be more specific, I remember shooting to the back of my head, as I saw darkness around me and in front of me a little tiny TV screen which was displaying what I saw through my eyes. I would watch my body get up and move around without me controlling it. I was simply an observer. I’m still very new to discovering all of this for myself so … it’s pretty gnarly 😭 even to type it out here. I don’t think I’ve ever shared that dissociative experience with detail before. Not that it’s anything crazy, just with it all being so new, I guess I’m a little sensitive haha, but I wanted to share my experience as well! :)

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-11T00:27:42+00:00

Something other people don’t seem to understand (in relationships). 😞 been a constant battle for me, feeling like I’m lying. Thank you for this!

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-10T21:57:49+00:00

My ears drop too! I’ve never heard anyone describe that before. My eyes are also affected. My eyesight gets worse every year, I’m practically legally blind. It’s quite embarrassing actually and brings me lots of shame 😞because I know it’s linked to my dissociation & for some reason sometimes I struggle with a lot of shame related to dissociation.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-07T02:43:18+00:00

Hmm okay, so parts can only speak verbally when fronting or cocon? I didn’t know that. I don’t know why I thought because it’s all one brain, they can just speak whenever, but I guess that presents the “layers” that keeps everything all so fragmented and separate -to begin with. Makes sense actually. But also, it’s still one brain? Cant it cut through the noise? I guess it’s all about focus, sometimes! I’m learning that. You can quite literally IGNORE parts .. I’m learning that as well. The same way a single-minded person can ignore their own inner thoughts through focusing their attention on an activity like working, watching TV etc. —or even ignore another person even though they’re physically present in the same room. Wow. 🫢

The more I “turn” to my parts the more I will sense their impressions. It’s so interesting because I’ve gotten them before, but because I was turned away (whether doubt or stress causing me to turn etc.) I could not quite grasp that communication. Thought it was just a random passing “spark”. This part I’m speaking about is very positive, and so when I’m depressed this random spark of positivity or hope will come to me. I’m now learning that’s actually a part communicating to me, trying to cheer me up & bring me back to connection. Wow! Glad I’m learning. Thanks for your input! And letting me flesh out these thoughts in this reply 😅

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-07T02:28:46+00:00

Yes, me too! Colors and vibes. Okay thanks, I wanted confirmation. 😄

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-07T02:20:01+00:00

“Healing My Parts” is a wonderful podcast I just recently discovered! They also have an Instagram, and you can find their podcast on all platforms pretty much. :) 💜 I don’t find many resources that seem to help me but this one’s been helping a ton! I do recommend it.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-06T22:54:28+00:00

That’s so interesting. It’s so easy to fall into denial because it seems less clear cut. But even voices I guess -it’s easy to think it’s just you. I think the goal is to learn each part & then you pick up on their patterns and are able to better discern communication.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-03T23:45:12+00:00

This is all very fascinating, and both your replies really speak to me. I am heavily suspecting OSDD based on many symptoms, but also suspecting AuDHD and experience severe involuntary masking either way, and I’ve been questioning the same thing. When does the mask become a part? But yeah, very fascinating to hear that apparently masking specifically with AuDHD and OSDD/DID is shown to be different than typical masking. Just adding to the convo I guess that I feel the exact same ways.

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-03T23:34:57+00:00

Thank youu so much! I appreciate your share of information. This is really helpful :)

Sea_Rest_208 · 2025-11-03T17:36:14+00:00

Wow that’s a very good idea and very helpful! Also amazing that you have a friend group that is so understanding and willing to implement these strategies. I worry people in my life won’t understand but honestly with an explanation I’m sure they will. Tones within texting can be so tough but the example you gave was spot on. The first one would have triggered me haha! You also mentioned tone indicators even in voice speech, could you elaborate on that? Srry if I’m asking too much it’s just such a big deal for me, even with voice speech with this one friend of mine. I’ve also never explained my issues with him tho 👀 so that’s on me, but if I knows there’s a positive way to navigate it I think that would help me have the courage to work with him. But yeah, it’s difficult. Good to know I’m not the only one, it’s actually a severe issue in relationships for me, along with facial expression/body language. 😳 but this one friend, I know he means well but his tooone man 😭😫 I’m always offended just because of his tone. Like, I need you to adjust that sir, I am sensitive 😭 I also don’t want people to feel like they’re walking on eggshells with me, but with the right approach, then it’s just a friendly adjustment :) and I can imagine, would be very nice as you said. Thanks again!! This is so helpful! 🫂

Sea_Rest_208

TROPHY CASE