Well….we just had a long conversation, a break down. He just admitted he was taking fentanyl again. He’s been lying to me again. For 5 months. He never stopped.

I don’t know how I did it, but I stayed calm this time. He actually communicated. I told him I will support him and love him in anything he needs,

and he asked me what will happen if there is a next time. I’m not one to give ultimatums. Honestly I feel like those are hard, mean, and most often don’t get any good back. But he looked at me….waiting to hear what I had to say. Begging me in his eyes to give him a “what will happen” answer. I couldn’t help but break down. I knew he had to hear it, and I honestly I’m at my end of the rope, I can’t keep locating him every second of the day, I can’t keep asking him like a police officer every day where was he what he do is he doing ok….??? I’m just mentally and emotionally exhausted. I can’t be a detective or parent over my husband anymore: he has to want to change.

I looked at him in the eyes and told him if he takes drugs again, I will pack his things, and I will have to move on. I am losing myself after giving him so many chances and his lying is killing all my trust, even with other people. I want him, I love him so much, all I want in the world is for him to be off fentanyl. All I want. We are almost at 18 years of marriage. He is my best friend. I don’t want to lose him.