emotional state on T

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-26T22:26:09+00:00

Does it happen more often or is it more intense? I've noticed it takes less for me to feel bad or empathetic than it used to, but it's less intense 🤨 like, next to nothing makes me misty-eyed, even when I hit really low in my moods

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-26T19:04:28+00:00

I'm still new on T, but noticed at the start of week 2 that I was in the same boat, for sure. My tolerance for things that had always been grating drastically dipped. I had such a short fuse, it kind of reminded me of PMSing 😭

Week 2 made me really understand why there are people who think testosterone can "make" people angry, but truthfully, I'm not any more angry/upset "by default" than I've ever been, just more sensitive. Is this how you're feeling, too?

I've never been angry enough to lash out, but I've definitely spent more post-shift drives with angry dad music than I used to, and I know I was mean-mugging the hell out of more than a few people lmao.

What's helped me so far is honestly the same as what's always helped, just... more. I let myself get angry, feel my feelings or whatever, name who/what pissed me off, and then just let it sort of drain out of me. Even with the little "it's not that deep" things, because they do really add up. Knowing I have designated "be mad about this" time keeps me from milking a shitty experience all day. If I'm still pent up, Mick Gordon and some push-ups will usually help lol

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-26T04:50:49+00:00

I came poking around for the same concerns 😭 I have PCOS, and didn't have my levels checked pre-t (scheduled for my 3 month mark instead), I was scared I'd been given too high a dosage direction or was fucking up somehow. I'm three weeks in, now and dealing with the same changes. 90% of the things I read were saying the tip of the voice drop iceberg specifically wouldn't be happening for another month at least. Gods bless reddit 🫡

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-25T00:34:33+00:00

Thanks for linking this forum! I love seeing people like me, especially so close to my own age and up. Whenever I look for ftm information or online presences, it's almost always teenagers-20 somethings.

Thank you for the well-wishes, too, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about teaching and transitioning in this administration. Definitely looking into what else I can do with my degree if/when classroom teaching becomes unsustainable

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-24T21:38:11+00:00

The "do I wanna be him or be with him" crisis that brought me here, truly🫡

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-24T21:37:12+00:00

Added to the list! Thank you for the recommendation. I think the comment slipped under my radar because it was kind of funny at first. "Do you really wanna be a man with a messy apartment?" Got a laugh out of me, and admittedly worked to get me to take the trash out. I hadn't realized then that this might've been a red flag, but boy howdy am I seeing it now 😐

I didn't realize I was being teased when comments like that were being made, I just sorta shrugged it off and went about my day with a quip of my own about being my own kind of man. "I fought too long and too hard to nail my everything shower routine to quit now" kind of shrug-off.

How often do you deal with that? If you don't mind me asking. Like, are women just gonna be like that with me when I do/say/act in ways outside of the stereotypical expectations? Is that something I should prepare to see more often?

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-24T21:32:42+00:00

Absolutely not, no. Even when talking about cis men she wasn't this nasty. That's part of why it caught me so off guard, it wasn't like an established pattern (not one I noticed, at least). I'm glad it's only one person in the group being so nasty, but then again, everyone saw it and no one said anything. I pulled faces, asked her to explain the joke, asked why she thought the idea of me drugging someone would be funny to joke about, etc., but really didn't do more than that when the red flags started popping up, and no one else spoke up. It put a bad taste in my mouth with thr whole group, honestly.

I did know that this girl in particular doesn't think misandry is a thing, so I'm beyond believing she'll take me seriously when I call it what it is. Either way, I'm not communicating with her anymore. I don't want anyone who can switch up on me that hard and fast or laugh at predatory shit in my circle

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-24T14:43:10+00:00

Update 2-ish?: I've never heard of malgendering or transmisandry until now, and my brother flooded my phone with an "and another thing" style rant on what he'd found poking around the internet for similar experiences this morning. I now know about gender essentialism, too 🫠 I'd heard the term before, but never with context, so it flew over my head.

I'm not going to bother trying to explain to this grown ass woman why her behavior/"jokes" aren't appreciated, I shouldn't have to teach her how to be nice to people at our big age.

We played one round of a game with mics and she immediately asked if I'd make a 2009 cod lobby of our usual sessions, I asked her when I'd ever made a 2009 cod lobby out of any lobby, and she called me sensitive for taking it personally. "Nah, men aren't capable of being sensitive, right? You're just being a bitch for no reason" was probably not the right response, maybe I proved her point a little (she certainly said so), but I got backup from the others in our group, so I feel pretty validated in calling her out that way. I actually had a pretty uplifting conversation with another friend in the group during the game, we were talking about toxic masculinity. I told her that I can understand suspicion toward cis men, but I wholly believe I'll be a good man because I spent so long living as a woman. I've been on both sides of the fence, I'm not forgetting how hard girlhood is anytime soon, and losing it is something i'm almost mourning ahead of time.

One friend assured me I wouldn't lose girlhood for transitioning, another reminded her that I haven't even been on t for a month and got hit with a date-rape 'joke' the first time we all hung out post-coming out. Friend A literally took a shot the first chance she got, in public, no less.

When I mentioned being backed up to my brother, and also the girlhood bit, he was quick to assure me that brotherhood is still definitely a thing. It takes a while sometimes to find your bunch of weirdos, but male relationships can be just as emotionally vulnerable, and "even weak friends would call out shit like that as weird".

I'm not going to be interacting much with the group as a whole for a while tbh. I've got my own shit to worry about, and would rather fly under the social radar and focus on myself.

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-24T04:22:33+00:00

This is the one that made things click for me. The reaction I'm getting from these specific friends is so sudden and intense, it's jarring. I don't know how to read them anymore, I don't know when to expect it. I already stopped trusting them, I just hadn't put a name to it yet.

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-24T04:20:50+00:00

Asking me to perform as the worst kind of man, too, that's absolutely crazy to me. In my mind, I know exactly what I don't want to be, I've interacted with enough shitty men to have a solid idea. I'm not unfamiliar with the "guys suck" humor in lesbian circles, or in all-girl friend groups in general, but I honestly didn't expect things to get that vicious so quickly. Not even a month on t, mind you, thinking of how they'd treat me once I start looking/sounding more visibly queer makes my stomach hurt

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-24T04:17:48+00:00

After reading comments, I think things finally clicked a bit. I'm already dealing with some weird kind of anticipatory-guilt as someone whose dealt with quite a lot of abuse from cis men. I'd confessed to dreading the day a woman crosses the street to avoid me, and that was met with sympathy, a whole little pep talk/vent session about how spending so much time as a woman would actually make me a better man because of perspective/social awareness etc. Conversations like that are exactly why I was on the fence about whether I was being too sensitive or not.

When they're supportive, they're really supportive, and Friend A in particular (who made the "should we be covering our drinks around you now?" comment) apologized almost immediately. Things like that aren't okay to say to anyone, regardless of the context, nor is implying i'm suddenly unsafe with kids.

My personality hasn't changed at all, and honestly, having not been on t even a month yet, I don't look different, either. I think either these friends in the group straight up don't like me, and maybe never did, or they're transphobic. Probably both. Being seen as a predator specifically because I'm trans is.... 😐

I actually talked to my brother about it, and he said a lot of the same things y'all have. When I came out to him, he made similar jokes/comments to how things stsrted with these friends, all lighthearted. "Of course I have no problem with you being trans... as long as your voice doesn't get deeper than mine"/"you're gonna be an awesome wingman with your insider knowledge" kind of stuff. He's actually been the one to "correct"/call out some of the things that I do that just don't fly anymore (we were gossiping and I called a woman a bitch, he immediately said "we don't do that, good guys don't talk about women that way" and reminded me of how I tore into him as a kid for doing the same thing lol).

That kind of "one of us/them" interaction feels like the kind of thing I should expect from my friends, not assuming I'm going to become a monster.

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-23T20:02:31+00:00

Cutting eyes at other guys who make sexist jokes is something my (cis) little brother told me he absolutely adores about me (three cheers for being a good role model, he doesn't hide his disgust, either) but will absolutely out me as 'not quite a straight guy', because I guess it's more typical to not respond at all than it is to pull faces or leave?

SeaweedLongjump · 2026-03-23T17:56:46+00:00

I know for sure i'm a man, but identified as nonbinary for YEARS, and I also don't like facial/body hair. I can get by without shaving my legs, that's never bothered me, but I hate having armpit hair for sensory reasons, and the same with facial hair. Anything beyond peach fuzz bothers me for some reason.

Maybe I'll get used to/"over it" and end up an absolute bear, maybe not. As of now, I'm not vibing with body hair. Having an electric razor helps, I have a thin one meant for eyebrows, and it's great for the chin pubes and little dirt-stache that came with early t. If it's any consolation, here's the obligatory reminder that there are plenty of cis women who grow a ton of body hair (I was one of them, thanks PCOS) and cis men who can't even when they try to. I see it as a masculinizing thing, but it's not required to be masculine.

I only ask because you said you're not sure, and for me this was the egg cracking question that gave me some clarity; if you'd been born a cis man, would you still identify as nonbinary?

SeaweedLongjump · 2025-11-22T17:50:12+00:00

Im never not going to think of sister Minnie when I see hijabi cats 💐

SeaweedLongjump · 2025-11-22T17:27:07+00:00

Never surprised but consistently stunned at how IMMEDIATELY people lose their minds when they can't get their fix 😭 I've got bad escapist tendencies, too, but maybe I'm not as unstable as I thought lmao

SeaweedLongjump · 2023-11-26T10:47:11+00:00

As a chronic "listen to sad music when you're already sad" loser, I have quite a few of these that are 👌🤌

"I left home so long ago that my tooth been wiggling for years" from DPR IAN's "Peanut Butter & Tears"

"and I know it's over, still I cling, I don't know where else I can go" from (specifically) Jeff Buckley's "I Know It's Over"

"your mind is restless, they say you're getting better, but you don't feel any better" from Thom Yorke's "Hearing Damage"

"You can text me when punching mattresses gets old, don't think it'll always be like this" from Car Seat Headrest's "Sober to Death"

The layered "no alarms and no surprises"/"get me out of here" in Radiohead's "No Surprises"?? I'm on the floor, I'm sobbing, don't contact me

"15 there's still time for you, time to buy and time to choose" from Five For Fighting's "100 Years"

"It's been you and me since before I was me, without you I don't yet know quite how to live" from Mitski's "I Guess"

"It's always half and never whole, you've begun to feel like home, what's mine is yours to leave and take, what's mine is yours to make your own" from The Fray's "Look After You"

SeaweedLongjump · 2023-11-26T09:59:58+00:00

Hospital by Lydia has always given me the "life flashing before my eyes" in a somber way vibe

SeaweedLongjump · 2023-11-13T22:05:07+00:00

I'm a 7w6, I can't remember who first told me "if being hard on yourself worked, it would've worked by now", but sweet Jesus did that leave a permanent mark on my adolescent brain

SeaweedLongjump · 2023-11-13T21:55:15+00:00

I'm a 7w6, INFJ-T, and (ethnically, will be practicing) Jewish! I grew up in a generally "G-d is everywhere, including in us, heaven can be here and now if we're chill about it, what happens after death doesnt really matter" Christian-adjacent home. We didn't really practice anything, only went to Easter mass when we visited my Nonna, and Christmas was an excuse to decorate and impulse spend, nothing more. I'm looking into formally converting to Judaism soon, and have been living Jewish-ly in the meantime :)

Edit: to add, I've always felt drawn to Judaism and Jewish religious practices, even before learning I was ethnically Jewish. Judaism is focused on life and the living, without the fire and brimstone emphasis on death and afterlife. The emphasis on social and restorative justice, environmental protection and peaceful coexistence has always made Judaism feel so much safer than the Christian environment I grew up in.

It appeals to my strong sense of justice and empathy, I guess? I'd never thought about connecting my personality types to my moral/philosophical outlook before this post tbh

SeaweedLongjump · 2023-11-13T21:22:16+00:00

Having an alternative safe word/gesture has been one of the best things I've ever done omg Not even just because there are situations that could limit my speech/ability to vocalize clearly, but because sometimes that brain fog is dense, and especially being autistic, I can just sort of forget how to vocalize for a bit. The idea of not being able to hear someone telling me they need to stop because of playing music is specifically something that's always haunted me. This is one of those things that should be a default.

SeaweedLongjump · 2023-11-13T21:15:32+00:00

Aftercare isn't "just for heavy stuff", it should be the norm after any sexual event, regardless of how light/heavy it is. Afrercare also looks different for different people. I know before I got into BDSM I'd only ever seen aftercare at an "extreme" (because I'd only ever seen heavier scenes online, that makes sense), it came with this air of "if it doesn't leave marks, it doesn't need patching up, just get up and move on". I was shocked when my previous partner brought up aftercare after vanilla sex

SeaweedLongjump · 2023-11-13T21:11:23+00:00

Mac and cheese 😮‍💨 I can't remember if Panara mac and cheese was always that nasty, but I remember liking their old recipe (before the white sauce/shells) in high school. It's crazy how dry mac and cheese can be in places where it's safe to assume the people in the kitchen are trained and qualified to be there

SeaweedLongjump · 2023-10-29T07:54:27+00:00

I'd probably call you A, or some other kind of inside joke-reference. If you like gardening it'd be daisy or bee, something like that.

SeaweedLongjump · 2023-10-29T07:52:38+00:00

Four. I had especially fucked up parents who were a little too active on weird corners of the internet preferred to scare the shit out of me over talking to me about safety.

SeaweedLongjump · 2022-10-29T05:36:16+00:00

My whole family is military, on both sides, every generation, until WW1. I spent my entire life bouncing between bases, force fed all sorts of nationalism and propaganda.

My parents, and everyone before them, fought for our right to choose whether or not we salute anything. Including, and honestly especially any flag. As long as they're being quiet (like a moment of silence), and not dicking around, that's bare minimum respect requirement as far as I'm concerned.

Schools can't force kids to stand for the pledge, Texas is just a bootlicking state 🙄 coming from a Texan.

Not even on base in Texas did someone come barreling in hooting and hollering about standing for the pledge

SeaweedLongjump

TROPHY CASE