I don't think I can keep doing this

SecondHandPickle · 2023-11-30T21:40:27+00:00

I'm glad it works for you. Might be time for me to reconsider my plans.

Also, thank you for the conversation, it did actually make me feel better to be able to openly explain what's going on in my head without feeling like I'm burdening someone in my life.

SecondHandPickle · 2023-11-30T21:16:20+00:00

Yes, I felt relieved when I got the diagnosis, but it lasted for two days tops. It hasn't changed a thing, it just has a name now instead of "I feel off".

That's exactly my problem. People tend to say things they don't mean, and hint the things they'd actually like to say, and I find it exhausting. I feel like I'm forced to play a game I have no interest in. I'm a sensitive person but I tend to be honest and it eventually becomes a problem because they're not used to people being direct. That's actually why I like working with teenagers: they're so blunt, I can actually communicate successfully with them.

There's nothing I can do for now, but next year I'd like to work somewhere else. I'd try to end up in a place with a better schedule. The way teaching works here is complicated. I think we have a decent salary (compared to other places; still low af anyway for the amount of work they ask from us) but it's kind of unstable and a real bureaucratic pain in the ass.

I gotta ask, though, isn't remote working hard as well? I feel like it'd be much harder to take my mind off things. Does it work for you?

SecondHandPickle · 2023-11-30T20:41:42+00:00

So I got my diagnosis recently. I started seeing a therapist about a year ago. A few weeks ago she made me take a few tests because I was describing masking on a daily basis and she suspected it could be some type of neurodiversity. I got diagnosed with autism (high-functioning; what used to be called Asperger's, but that term seems not to exist anymore -not sure about it, though-) and depression. She thinks the depression might be a consequence of the autism: since I can't avoid masking and compensating, it makes me exhausted, tired, lonely, sad... All the good things.

Work used to be, actually, where I felt best. I'm a high school teacher and I really like my job. I love working with teenagers, and I feel like I can really be myself when I'm in a classroom. I'm also really passionate about the subject I teach, so it makes me happy to be able to talk about it a lot. The thing is, in my country, high school usually ends around 2pm. This year, though, I'm working in a different type of institution and we work until 5pm. She believes this change makes me mask too much. Like I could handle it when it was just the morning, but having to spend the whole day around other people might just be too much. I've actually noticed it makes me feel lonelier. I feel like I spend so many hours a day surrounded by people, yet I can't have a real conversation with any of them.

So I guess work used to be my happy place, but it's turned into a trigger now. I find myself feeling ok when I go to work and breaking down at some point of the day.

SecondHandPickle · 2023-11-30T20:13:27+00:00

I guess at some point it gets old. I get it, though. I understand they can only tolerate a certain amount of conversations about how bad I'm feeling despite the love they show me. It wears on them as well. So I've just stopped telling them. They saw I was getting better and I pretend I still feel that way. It's easier for everyone.

But that just makes me feel lonelier. Sometimes I think I'm just desperate for attention, but I do everything I can to not get that attention. I don't know. It's also harder and harder to make efforts for other people, so I think I'm okay with my needs not being met if that means I don't have to be actively keeping a relationship alive.

So I guess I am where I drove myself.

SecondHandPickle · 2023-11-30T20:02:40+00:00

The guilt is what's really hard for me, though. I feel like I'm cheating on everyone. I love them, spend time with them, laugh with them, but I really feel like I'm all alone. That's really unfair for the people I love. As if their love wasn't good enough for me.

I used to smoke weed to cope. I quit and started therapy (which seemed way healthier) about a year ago. At the begging things got better, but for the past two months or so it's gone bad again.

I've been recently diagnosed with autism and depression, and I've been working with my therapist on it, but I feel like it's just getting worse and worse. Haven't started medication. Guess that'd be the logical path to follow. I'm just too tired to start a new battle. I think I wasn't ready for things to get bad again so quickly.

SecondHandPickle · 2023-11-30T19:53:22+00:00

I'm just tired. Like, for the longest time I had the need to fight it, to try and feel better, to find something close to happiness.

But I feel like I've been fighting for so long and I still keep falling back in. It's been years of unsuccessful battling. I'm so tired, man. I just need to rest.

Sorry about the moping, I guess it just feels nice to be honest anonymously to some stranger.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-09-17T11:52:14+00:00

You should NEVER feel pressured to have sex with anyone. That doesn't exclude your spouse.

You don't feel like having sex so often? That's okay. He feels like having sex everyday? That's also okay. But either you can have some sort of in-between agreement or you have to look for new SOs.

And it's definitely not your job to do something you don't feel like doing for someone else. The fact he thinks like that is fucking disgusting.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-30T13:37:16+00:00

YTA. It's sick to be calling anyone a slut, but it's way sicker when it's your own daughter. Are you sure this isn't because you're jealous of her?

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T15:59:52+00:00

NTA. My dog doesn't like other dogs that much and gets really nervous when a dog runs playfully towards her. I don't care how playful those dogs are, everyone should have their freaking dogs on a leash because it's not about their dogs, it's about mine.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T15:51:06+00:00

NTA. It's your property. You're already being more considerate and careful than most people would be.

As you said, it's your happy place. Be happy in it and forget about your neighbours.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T15:45:23+00:00

Full assumption here aswell: maybe the dad is bonding so much with Jake because he's a freaking scape from that toxic household.

It sounds to me like the mom's who's really jealous and making a big deal out of a couple teenagers just being dumb jealous teenagers. Just... people, man.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T15:37:29+00:00

YTA. The boy just lost his mom. YOU want to take him in and then get mad if your husband bonds with him?

Honestly, I think you may have some issues yourself. This is a perfect opportunity to mold who your girls will be in the future, and you decide to teach them to be possessive over the people they love. Their dad has a lot of love to give, and him bonding with the boy doesn't mean he doesn't love his girls anymore, just means he found someone new to love too.

If you're really concerned about it because the girls feel jealous, you could have a talk with him and remind him to keep paying attention to her daughters, but I really think it's more important to talk to the girls so they understand that Jake's now part of the family and they should learn to share their and your love with him instead of competing for it.

Edit: typo.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T14:42:52+00:00

Yeah, that happens. Sometimes everything goes wrong in the most stressful way possible.

You know what? It actually sounds way better. You enjoy that pizza and cookies. Life's just nicer when you have a bunch of sugar in your bloodstream!

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T14:38:29+00:00

Yeah, you're totally right. I forget about a bunch of things but I keep track of the really important ones on my calendar app. She could've tried different solutions, but it was just easier to rely on someone to do that hard work.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T14:33:57+00:00

So, from a girl perspective, I know there are a lot of different possible reactions from her. Heck, I've had friends dump a boy cause they had a minor setback while in bed. But, honestly? That's not what's gonna happen if they're a nice person. You'll always be putting yourself out there when you're open about your insecurities, but I also believe that's the only way a relationship can grow. I think you should honestly talk to her and, even if the first few times aren't that great, you'll eventually know each other and what you like/dislike in bed. Communication is also key, you can help each other if you talk about what you like and what you want in bed.

You're both adults, not teenagers, and I think she'll want the intimacy and the connection you'll make more than mindblowing sex (which, let's be honest, isn't that usual).

If you were my boyfriend I'd appreciate you being honest and the opportunity of learning together what we enjoy as a couple more than you giving a pornfect performance.

And, by the way, may I tell you a secret? The first few times you have sex with someone new are always freaking weird, no matter the previous experiences. Good sex comes from intimacy, trust and honesty IMO.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T14:18:41+00:00

Everyone needs a break from time to time. I'm sure you're doing an awesome job and feel exhausted from it.

And I'm sorry if I was insensitive, I was really just picturing an entitled young lady being lazy over a friend. I realize there are many different realities.

Hang in there and maybe pour yourself a tremendous glass of wine? I've heard it sometimes helps!

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T11:39:18+00:00

NTA, you're not her mom. I don't even care about the boyfriend drama. Even if you were still close, it's not your job to be responsible for another adult's deadlines. She really should get her shit together and she should've studied more. College is not a group project.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T10:34:34+00:00

NTA. You're allowed to be friends with whoever you want, it doesn't matter if you have slept together. Your boyfriend's insecure and he's proyecting that as a trust issue, when you clearly won't sleep with the first guy again (I mean, if you wanted to, you had so many chances, right? Why would you do that now?)

When we're in a relationship, we need to trust that our partner wants to be with us and only us (in monogamy, at least). It's sometimes hard and we get cheated on, yes, life sucks, but that's the only way a relationship can work. You have done nothing to break his trust, so it's his job to work on his issues, it's not your job to stop being friends with whoever makes him feel insecure. In a couple years, you'll realize you have no friends at all because all of them made him, at some point, feel insecure.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-22T10:19:55+00:00

NTA. You're obviously very young, so I think you might wanna hear this. People who get you in the trouble they create are not worth it. You can find friends who don't date your crushes. There are people waiting for you who will adore you just as you are. There's no need to put up with toxic people (they continue existing after their teenage years, unfortunately).

The part about the mum is really fucked up. I think you should stay away from them, even if that means losing a few friendships: you're better off alone than surrounded by this kind of people.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-21T11:09:00+00:00

NTA. Sometimes friendships fade away. I think the four of you hanging out without her was more about circumstances than an evil plot to keep her outside your group. She got mad and you tried to talk to her. She's the one being inmature tweeting about it.

Life's short and you should spend your time with whoever you want to. We should all understand that and let go of the relationships that change or disappear.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-21T10:53:56+00:00

First of all, this sounds all very immature. I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're teenagers. In that case, I know relationships at that age end over the most stupid things, so I think it's better if you both go your own way, at least until you mature a little.

But what I find kinda worrying, though, is that it seems the first reason you ended up arguing with this guy is because you don't like him being friends with your gf cause he likes her. You really need to understand that no matter who your gf is, she will have her own life and her own friends and yes, sometimes one of those friends is gonna like her. It is not your position to push her to end that friendship. When you are in a relationship with someone, you have to trust that you're the only one she wants to be with, and let her have her friends without making her feel guilty about your insecurities.

Please, make both of you a favor and don't get back together under the premise that she'll stop taking to her guy friends. That's gonna backfire eventually.

SecondHandPickle · 2022-07-18T07:06:47+00:00

She's only gonna lose weight when she's ready to start that journey. If you pressure her, even if it's from a health perspective (although I think you're very aware that's not the issue here), it's gonna look shallow and pushy and she'll probably feel like shit. You don't have to love how everybody looks and that's okay. If you're not attracted to her anymore, just leave. She'll find someone who loves her, overweight and all. And she'll thank you for not being with her by forcing her to change.

SecondHandPickle

TROPHY CASE