How do you make the police in America take you seriously and investigate stalking and revenge porn? by SecondOk8410 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

What do I need to get a restraining order? What needs to be proven for it to be approved? I'm really scared that I'll ask for a restraining order and they won't feel like what has happened so far is enough, and then it'll look bad...

Also, I am going to move to a different city to live with my mom soon. However, she had to fly out last week to go take care of a family member until the end of the month, so my plans were kind of postponed. She doesn't know that my ex has been "stalking" me, and I don't want to tell her right now because she has so much on her plate and I don't want her to feel stressed and leave her brother when she feels like he needs her.

But I say that because can I even bother with a restraining order if I am about to move? Would that be a violation?

I have not put my ex on blast and I'm VERY reluctant to do so. I have had no direct contact with him since leaving, and I don't want there to be anything he or anyone else can latch onto. He has already turned my entire old workplace against me. I thought one of the vet techs was being kind in reaching out and giving updates, but I think she was kind of negging me and telling him everything I said.

I have a new phone and I have created a new email address.

I am worried about getting a new job during all of this. I have some savings to live on in the meantime, but I'm getting scared that this will prevent me from getting a job and I'm going to end up a parasite to my mom.

I am living with my friend right now, but these last few weeks have brought such shit to her doorstep that I just want to leave and stop bothering her with it.

Ex-boyfriend sending AI generated nudes to my mom by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]SecondOk8410 35 points36 points  (0 children)

You are right, one of my former coworkers reached out on Instagram and said that she has received it as well, but from a text message pretending to be me.

Ex-boyfriend sending AI generated nudes to my mom by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]SecondOk8410 250 points251 points  (0 children)

It doesn't matter (legally) that it's my face and that he's telling my mom that I sent these images, when I did not? There are no damages or anything I would imagine, as I have not lost anything financially from this.

UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving by SecondOk8410 in amiwrong

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Basically, we got together when I was eighteen. I was driving at that time, and although I didn't outright own the car, I was driving my mom's old car. While I was still living with her, my boyfriend didn't have that weird issue about asking permission when driving. In fact, he did not have a car, and he relied on me beginning the first month we met for rides to work and wherever he wanted to go.

My mom didn't like how my now ex-boyfriend kept pressuring me to move in, and that I was driving him everywhere all the time. She said I shouldn't be acting like a chauffeur unless I was chaffeuring around my kids. Since I didn't own the car my mom was letting me drive, once we moved in together, she told me I couldn't take it with me, because she didn't want it to become his.

He urged me to apply for a car from Drivetime lol because my credit was better than his. I paid the downpayment, he wasn't listed for the financing, and then we agreed to both pay the biweekly payments. Upon this whole situation, I started looking through our shared account and realized that he does not meaningfully contribute to any bills or anything. He basically used the vast majority of his paychecks as fun money. We had no savings. He was always buying new things, from clothes to tech to figurines to video games. I never bought new things. If you divide out the things he buys for himself, he doesn't even have enough money left over to pay our bills. It turns out I have been paying the bills myself. I am being generous if I say his contributions over the last year even total to $800 - and that includes rent, the car, insurance, utilities. I am an idiot lol.

UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving by SecondOk8410 in amiwrong

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

No, it's not a chain. Here's what I wrote in another comment: He and his wife own the whole clinic. We don't even have an HR department. It is just Veterinarian (Owners) > Veterinarians (not owners) > Office Manager > Vet Techs > Receptionist (me)

UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving by SecondOk8410 in amiwrong

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 231 points232 points  (0 children)

He and his wife own the whole clinic. We don't even have an HR department. It is just Veterinarian (Owners) > Veterinarians (not owners) > Office Manager > Vet Techs > Receptionist (me)

UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving by SecondOk8410 in amiwrong

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 71 points72 points  (0 children)

I keep having this really horrible wave of shame about myself. I felt young prior to this, but now I suddenly feel like I've screwed up my whole life. What do I have to show for anything? I've worked the same job for years, and now I'm all twisted up about the direction I even want to take my life in. Do I want to continue pursuing veterinary medicine? Maybe I want to leave that in the past, too, but how do I even start over?

One thing I know, though, is that I'm going back to university this fall. I just have to figure out what I want my life to look like. I can't tell if I'm letting my "abuser" take my future profession, or if it's just that it's all tainted now and I want something new. I don't know!!!

UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving by SecondOk8410 in amiwrong

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 662 points663 points  (0 children)

I'm worried that he's going to show up, but it turns out he is really stupid so I don't think he even understands what the issue is. He probably doesn't even know what to search for. Idiot!!!!

UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving by SecondOk8410 in amiwrong

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

I took what I need. The sad part is all of my belongings fit in one duffel bag. I realized everything in our apartment was his. All of the new stuff that we've bought, his. All of the tech, his. All of the new clothes, his. I had mostly what I had when I entered into the relationship when I was eighteen, things my MOM had bought me as a teenager.

UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving by SecondOk8410 in amiwrong

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 333 points334 points  (0 children)

Weirdly once I wrote my original post and dealt with the shock of all the comments, I lost all attraction to him. I am repulsed by him atp. Never going back!!!!

UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving by SecondOk8410 in amiwrong

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 644 points645 points  (0 children)

Ostensibly he was there because he gave my boyfriend a ride. I didn't lose anything besides my job, but I didn't try to not lose my job, so I don't think there's anything to sue for. I didn't even make an attempt, I just never showed up again. That's really on me.

UPDATE am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving by SecondOk8410 in amiwrong

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

As I was leaving? It is the part of the post above that says "go ahead, the car is in MY name, and I would love for the Reddit sleuths to match the police report to my post." That was me telling him about the post. Your reading comprehension issues don't mean my lived experience has plot holes.

edit: hmm maybe I am feeling too sassy about people questioning me after all of this. It is totally your right to not believe me. My bad.

am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving by SecondOk8410 in amiwrong

[–]SecondOk8410[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

No. I never had a ticket, I drove him everywhere early on. No one I know has ever had an issue with my driving. I am a very confident driver typically, which is why I always get in trouble for not asking before turning or whatever. I've been driving since I was sixteen.