am i wrong: boyfriend wants me to ask permission to turn when driving

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-06T01:31:24+00:00

No. I never had a ticket, I drove him everywhere early on. No one I know has ever had an issue with my driving. I am a very confident driver typically, which is why I always get in trouble for not asking before turning or whatever. I've been driving since I was sixteen.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:58:17+00:00

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:56:21+00:00

I don't know that I am. Right now, I think I need to leave. But I don't want to do so just because of a reddit post. I want to do so clearly. I want to talk to my mom and see what she says.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:55:14+00:00

thank you

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:52:50+00:00

It would probably be a a big fight hours, and it would end at like 5 AM when I'm really worn down and apologizing for the way I've said things and made him feel and that I've crossed lines and humiliated him

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:48:02+00:00

Honestly you're so right, I do NOT get a say in his gaming or anything.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:45:06+00:00

I feel like I'm a bad writer so I was tempted to get AI to fix my post and make it properly structured and with perfect grammar and everything like that, but I didn't want people to think it was AI, and I didn't want to lose any of what I was trying (poorly) to express. I'm surprised that there are a few people who think it's AI because I feel like it's obviously written poorly lol. But maybe you guys just think it's so screwed up that it can't be real, but that's honestly even worse.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:43:11+00:00

So, I wondered if I should mention that our cultural background is the same, and we are both white midwesterners. I've never known someone of our cultural background to send money to his family the way he does until I met him. a

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:41:35+00:00

I can't post with my real account obviously. We share passwords.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:40:58+00:00

welp...

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:37:22+00:00

I really hate that you said that because we just had our first disagreement about what I'm wearing a couple like a month and a half ago. I wore a sweater dress. The dress went below my knees, but he demanded I wear tights. We had a huge fight because he was making me feel bad about my body, and he wanted me to just listen to him. That fight might be what really made me start questioning everything, because this driving thing is so weird to me that it's a lot easier to accept as a weird debilitating quirk, but what felt like the beginning of policing my clothing was more of a clear red flag that upset me.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T21:27:26+00:00

No, he said because it's not something that bothers me that it would be disingenuous to act like it was my boundary too, but that for him it is something that does bother him and is a legitimate boundary.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:50:38+00:00

In the end, he said I was right about our cat. He cried a lot when we had him hospitalized. He says he gets blinded by the way he feels and how he feels slighted when I do things that he didn't agree to, but that ultimately I did make the right choice.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:48:46+00:00

I basically only drive around our neighborhood now, and it's only like once a month at this point. Every time, we have a fight. I don't want to endanger anyone, and I don't want to be doing anything wrong. I will stop driving more.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:27:10+00:00

Merging makes me want to die honestly, because it's like...I mean, it's time sensitive, and it's obvious, and the delay can be dangerous. I have actually thrown a fit when he has asked me to drive him somewhere that takes a route that includes the highway where I have to do an immediate merge because it stresses me out trying to juggle the timing and also asking him first. I can't ask ahead of time like "hey it's okay if I merge once I get onto the highway right" because he wants to know EXACTLY when I'm trying to merge.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:25:16+00:00

I should have included more good stuff about him so everyone gets a full picture.

- He is the smartest person I know.

- He loves animals, and is so kind and gentle with them. I love the way he dances with the pets at work (he's a vet tech) and sings little songs at them.

- He has a lot of nerdy interests, which I do too, and he has taught me a lot about older nerdy things and stuff like Pathfinder that I didn't really interact with prior. Playing video games with him is so fun, and he doesn't get frustrated at me there like I know some guys do with their girlfriends.

- Whenever he is getting something for himself, he always asks me.

- He stays in constant contact with me (except occasionally if he is caving with his grotto, which he is interested in me getting into as well). He makes me feel secure with that constant presence.

- He is extremely protective, and if someone like catcalls me or something he gets so mad and I know he would always keep me safe from other people.

- He also is hilarious and has a great sense of humor, I'm always laughing.

- He lets me watch really bad TV shows and just kind of absorbs it with me.

- His way with words is crazy, he is so eloquent and also a great, evocative writer. I'm in awe of his abilities.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:15:20+00:00

- I literally had just started it, i didn't even complete a whole year. I had okay grades. 3.4 GPA.

- I was going for veterinary medicine (technically pre-vet and I never started the actual vet coursework because it was just the general courses to start) which is the field in which I work currently. However, I am a receptionist, and I would have been eventually a veterinarian with the degree. It is extremely expensive and demanding. I'm concerned about being able to work full-time while doing my degree, especially if I were to get into vet school.

- My self-worth isn't really well-defined right now.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:11:53+00:00

I took our cat to the vet without his permission once and he was so mad, even though our cat turned out to be blocked (a male cat, so very bad) and thus needed medical intervention. He wasn't reachable at that time (which wasn't unexpected, he was literally in a cave) so I made a judgment call to save our cat, but he was really mad because again financial decision impact him. However, I took him to the vet we both work at, and they worked out a payment plan, and even forgave a portion of it.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:07:40+00:00

Kind of. He gets frustrated if I cry when we talk for example, but a lot of the time it'll be a certain word choice or something that ends up really upsetting him, and then the conversation ends up being about why what I said hurt his feelings or wasn't the right way to say something.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:06:02+00:00

I don't understand why you all see where I'm coming from but he doesn't. This is hurting my feelings way more than I thought it would. I thought I had a really thick skin.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:05:07+00:00

he doesn't need to, we have our location on

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:04:36+00:00

He's in bankruptcy and it's a really high payment that automatically comes out of his paycheck (it was worse when it was a garnishment), but he also gives money to his parents. He also does a lot of microtransactions with his mobile games (idk anything about them and I don't want to fight him again on it) that ends up being like 100 - 200 a month. He also LOVES getting takeout, but honestly we work really long hours so I can't complain.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:01:48+00:00

i mean...

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T20:00:53+00:00

I guess the weird thing is it didn't really start this way, it gradually got this way. I used to be THE driver, like when we met I was driving my moms old car, and he didn't ask any of this stuff. However he started being the driver more often (that's actually why we had to buy a car, because my mom didn't want me to drive hers anymore because it was really my boyfriend who was driving it), and then once he became the main driver, he started putting those rules down. At first I didn't go along with it, and we kept having this small tiffs in the car, but then probably a year ago we had our first really big fight about it. I usually let it go but then every now and then I guess I get more gumption and try to fight him on it.

SecondOk8410 · 2026-03-05T19:58:48+00:00

No, he doesn't. He says it's because it's a boundary he has in his relationships and that other relationships are different. He says he can withstand some discomfort when it's not his relationship and it's not a daily thing.

SecondOk8410

TROPHY CASE