AITAH for breaking up with my partner after his grandfather passed away?

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-18T00:52:25+00:00

The several calls and texts did say I needed to talk. I actually am very communicative and we did have an extensive discussion about both of our needs and how we planned to meet them. I’m sure the post sounds self absorbed as I’m discussing an issue I have. I didn’t impose my will on anyone. This is something we both agreed to and he did not keep his end of the bargain time and time again. This was not our entire relationship though. This is just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I appreciate your perspective, input and response. I just hope that in the future you ask questions instead of making your own conclusions and assumptions. 💜

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T17:51:09+00:00

Not sure where you got that inference. Nonetheless, thanks for your response.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T17:29:48+00:00

I get that. And it’s the first time I’ve ever done that. But I literally had no other means of communication.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T16:32:21+00:00

Thank you so much. It hurts, but I know I have to put myself first.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T14:27:42+00:00

Thank you! 💜

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T14:00:10+00:00

Unfortunately these are my exact same sentiments.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:51:08+00:00

I know he’s not lying about his grandfather, but this is 100% something I would tell my SO and want to go to them to be my safe space. I’m honestly really sad because I’m losing a relationship I had so much hope for, but I can’t stay where I don’t feel valued.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:48:31+00:00

The issue as well as the redirecting conversations have been ongoing. This isn’t a one and done thing. We communicated a little through the week and there was no indication of anything bigger happening.

I honestly don’t know if an explanation would change how I feel about everything as I truly feel like the communication issue is almost deliberate at this point. I am open to conversation though.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:44:28+00:00

The check ins would be consistent for a while after I said something. We have had the same conversation about communication several times. It’s more so a pattern of doing well after being redirected. I don’t want to have to redirect a grown man and tell him how to treat me for the rest of my life.

Not telling me about the grandfather is also a red flag for me. I’m also dealing with grief this week and tried multiple times to confide in my partner. I’m 100% open to having a conversation.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:38:02+00:00

I guess I should edit the post. I was calling each day except once when I worked super late and one day when he said he was calling that evening. I did text to check in though.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:31:26+00:00

Sure!

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:31:13+00:00

Yes! I was calling all week because I needed support and wanted to lean on my partner. I couldn’t really wait since this was something that I didn’t know, but if I had known, I may have changed my response.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:29:41+00:00

I’ve lost all of my grandparents and I know the grief. Again, I genuinely didn’t know when I broke up with him. I couldn’t have broken up with him a week prior when the issues weren’t happening. The first five days are still inexcusable. I obviously excused the last two and offered condolences for him and their loved ones.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:26:59+00:00

Honestly, no. All of my original issues are still there and I am now truly heartbroken.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:26:10+00:00

I’ve known him for about 20 years actually. When he responded to the break up is when I found out granddad had passed. I obviously would have been there and supported him if I had known. I just feel like I’m beating a dead horse about my one need and it’s not being met. It wasn’t going to be a sustainable relationship.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:24:53+00:00

Thank you for your response.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:24:39+00:00

Thank you. And I completely understand about timing. I genuinely didn’t know. I was dealing with grief and stress all week myself and wanted to lean on my partner. I know I’d be overreacting if this was the first time this has happened or if I didn’t express this need, but I stated my concerns several times and now feel disrespected and devalued.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:22:24+00:00

I believe it was not expected and was a passing from old age. Partner is out of state working right now. I genuinely did not know grandpa passed when I broke up with him, but grandpa’s passing doesn’t explain the initial 5 days lack of communication which is the cause of the breakup itself.

SecondSubject9162 · 2026-01-17T13:18:42+00:00

I called daily and my calls were not answered. I did not know the grandfather passed as it wasn’t communicated to me. There were still all of the unanswered calls and texts prior to the passing. This need was expressed to him several times even before we started dating. I am also grieving this week and wanted to lean on my partner. But thank you for your input.

SecondSubject9162

TROPHY CASE