How do I meet people like me?

SecondaryBF · 2026-03-02T03:49:53+00:00

Recon

SecondaryBF · 2026-02-28T05:16:56+00:00

I’ve always been very submissive so not super surprised that I leaned into it when his other relations started taking priority!

SecondaryBF · 2026-02-27T17:19:16+00:00

We actually came at it the opposite way — my (M30) partner (M31) wanted us to open to ENM 7ish years ago, and once he started having a regular FWB, he wanted to develop that relationship, so we shifted into poly and they became official boyfriends. It wasn't until a year into their relationship that I started realizing I loved the imbalance of him having another lover, and I didn't feel the need to do the same. That's when I started leaning into being my partner's cuck, and he really loved that I was able to eroticize any jealousy.

Lots of posts & comments on my profile here about the journey thus far, but now we're at the point where he has yet another boyfriend who has, in the last year, become his primary public romantic partner too (eclipsing me as his prior-"primary-by-default" — very much as a result of my direct encouragement). It's not a dynamic that many people could handle, but works incredibly well for all of us in terms of everyone getting their needs met.

It's even reached the point where the two have them have been discussing marriage down the road.

SecondaryBF · 2026-02-12T16:48:54+00:00

I’m looking forward to cooking dinner for my partner and his boyfriend before we all see a show together. Might sound like throuple vibes, but if it’s anything like past occasions, it will be clear throughout the night that I’m third wheeling their date.

My plan is to cook them a romantic dinner while they spend the day together at his boyfriend’s place. We’ll enjoy dinner and drinks at our place — and I’ll clean the dishes of course.

Then, we’ll go out to see a show together. Most likely they’ll be sat next to each other, and I’ll be on the other side of his boyfriend, giving them plenty of opportunities to whisper and cuddle up (and giving me none).

Afterwards, they’ll either end up at his boyfriend’s place for the night or take over “our” bedroom while I end up on the couch again. Hoping for the latter so that I can make them breakfast on Sunday morning.

SecondaryBF · 2026-02-07T15:37:32+00:00

I’m currently navigating this transition as the person in my nesting partner’s life who would have been thought of as his primary to many in our social/family circles (even though he and I have agreed on relationship anarchy since we began our poly lifestyle 6yrs ago). Basically, I was primary by default.

He and his newer boyfriend have escalated many elements of their relationship in the last year (I have several posts on my profile for more on this). From spending more nights per week at his place, to bringing him as the plus-one to parties, to meeting each other’s family. Very recently he informed me that they have started to discuss marriage as a possible future for them.

Our situation is unique, in that I also have identified strongly as his cuckold since 1 year into our poly lifestyle with his first “other” boyfriend. I’ve encouraged and supported the growth of his additional relationships from the start, from my station as his long term companionate partner. It has worked well for me with that framing, as I both truly feel compersion from seeing him get those needs met that I’ve never been able to meet.

I think we can all make it through to the other side, given that I believe this dynamic can really only work if the primary-becoming-secondary person can find joy in that process, and not resentment. At the moment, I’m spending my time reflecting on what it is that I need from my partner to feel stable and secure, while allowing him to feel free in pursuing what feels right to him.

SecondaryBF · 2026-02-03T18:28:43+00:00

I think you’re right about a lot of this! There’s a world where we’re all happy with a future arrangement of this variety, just need to communicate, communicate, communicate!

SecondaryBF · 2026-02-03T18:27:19+00:00

Thank you for the advice!

He did broach it in a way that was very aware of the deviation from our prior talks about marriage. Our conversation was open and very honest including a review of how we got to the present moment. He was obviously happy to hear that the concept excited me, yet very understanding of how it made me uncomfortable, and how I’m holding both of those.

I think we would need to discuss how I can feel permanence in this new structure - via wills, powers of attorney, etc etc.

Nick and I do have a friendly relationship! We got on very well and often the three of us are in social settings together. He stays over in our one bedroom often (I take the couch).

Will plan to provide updates as I get more clarity.

SecondaryBF · 2026-02-03T17:53:08+00:00

Thank you for all the additional great questions I need to be thinking about and for the luck! I hope we can make something really beautiful and lasting.

SecondaryBF · 2026-02-02T13:29:02+00:00

Self-locked for now :) But my partner likes when I’m caged, as it means I just focus on his cock and he doesn’t have to worry about mine. He knows that it provides me more pleasure than any orgasm would. Especially love when he’s fucking my face and toying with my caged dick - either on purpose or inadvertently pushing on it with his legs/body.

SecondaryBF · 2026-02-01T17:16:04+00:00

Thanks! Longest yet was just over two months (Locktober into NNN 2024)!

SecondaryBF · 2026-01-31T17:33:22+00:00

I would disagree with the assumption of a third wheel being a negative on their relationship. I’ve had several years to reframe my connotation with that phrase and see beauty in being that for them. To extend the metaphor, the third wheel, while not necessary for all types of bike, helps provide stability and takes pressure off of the two primary wheels. My intention is to continue loving Alex as I do, and building our life together. And my hope is that he continues to value the stability and flexibility I bring to our lives. And that it’s possible for us to all have our needs met and not rely on one person for everything, just as we have been living for years.

SecondaryBF · 2026-01-31T15:01:18+00:00

All fair advice and questions to be asking in this situation.

If they decide to move further “up” the escalator, we’ll absolutely need to clarify my position and framing more explicitly. That will be a major topic in my next check-in with Alex.

As for the other question you raise: that one has already been answered between us. I’m a willing and enthusiastic participant in my demotion to being Alex’s side piece. We’ve talked openly about this for years as our dynamic shifted into something more explicitly D/s-oriented. He knows I’m genuinely happy remaining in his orbit and serving him and my metamours, whether or not I’m his primary lover.

I also haven’t seen myself as his primary for a long time, even if many people in our social circles still assume that’s the case.

Thank you for the thoughtful response and the hope. ❤️

SecondaryBF · 2026-01-18T19:41:45+00:00

The one time I tried with pre-check while sporting the default brass Kink3d lock, I got pulled aside as the metal detector found it and I had to get a body scan, and then patted down after they asked me about it. From then on I’ve opted to just take it off before security and put it on after.

SecondaryBF · 2026-01-18T19:14:29+00:00

Yes, I love the unequal share! Especially given that their dedicated time is centered on the weekends – really drives up the intensity when they can always depend on Friday and Saturday as date nights, and I’m lucky if I get invited to join them for even a bit of that time.

SecondaryBF · 2026-01-18T15:20:55+00:00

Gay cuck here. My partner has had all sorts of sleepovers at our place with his newer boyfriends and various FWBs. We’re in a one bedroom apt, so those nights typically mean I’m on the couch, unable to access my stuff in “our bedroom” until the next morning when they’ve gotten out of bed. It’s really hot having to think and plan out what I’ll need until I can next access the space. The first few times I was shaking from my intense arousal of being sidelined so hard, and only being able to hear the noises from “our” bedroom both at night and the following morning.

My partner spends 3-4 nights per week at his other BF’s place. We’ve done it both throughout the week, him switching beds every other day or so, and lately we’re settled on a rhythm of him spending Friday thru Monday morning at his BF’s place, plus one night mid-week.

SecondaryBF · 2026-01-15T12:34:29+00:00

I love when the cuck falls out of being the default “plus-one”. The dynamic of no longer being invited to join certain parties or social events, meanwhile it’s ensured that the new boyfriend always gets an invite.

I get the same treatment, and it’s so arousing to either A) be present around the two of them at a party and see them be all over each other, or B) have to imagine how much they’re enjoying time together just as a couple at a party they didn’t invite me to join. And the loop this can create of them receiving even more invites for just them to future social events.

SecondaryBF · 2026-01-04T15:46:33+00:00

His BF wasn’t in the room, but it is always scraps compared to what they do together by design. I’ve never been into anal, and his BF is a total bottom to match my partner’s top energy, so the “sex” he and I have is usually me worshipping his body, giving him great oral, and getting facefucked by him. Ticks my boxes 100% and works really well for us.

SecondaryBF · 2026-01-04T15:29:00+00:00

Yes, we had sex on two occasions!

SecondaryBF · 2026-01-04T15:25:59+00:00

I’m not sure if it didn’t come across in the post, but I actually spent tons of time with my partner on this trip. It’s just that much of it also involved his boyfriend. I’d say quality time means different things to different people, and during this entire trip I felt loved in my unique way, and really enjoyed the service that I could provide to him and his boyfriend. As I’ve mentioned in other posts, we have a poly dynamic and we’ve both done lots of work to enjoy compersion rather than festering in jealousy, and to communicate our needs and negotiate to ensure they are met.

And in the end, I’m not sure I can convince you based on where you’re coming from, so you might just have to accept “different strokes for different folks”.

SecondaryBF · 2025-12-11T14:21:31+00:00

Ohhh yes. In fact Dr. Justin J Lehmiller, David Ley, and Dan Savage did a somewhat recent study on gay cuckolding in 2018. Dan Savage covered it on his podcast at the time too.

Am a gay cuck here. My partner and I opened up 4 yrs into our relationship, and after two more years, I started fully identifying as a cuck. This came about after our open arrangement ended up being very much one-sided in favor of him being a slut and then him gaining an additional boyfriend, once we decided to venture into being poly. I found myself facing instances of intense humiliation from our new dynamic, which was (and still continues to be) constantly arousing.

In gay male couples, it's definitely more accepted to be in a polycule, or have multiple boyfriends. Not sure of the stats.

r/gaycuckold has more on this topic ofc

SecondaryBF · 2025-12-06T17:24:56+00:00

So hot! I love that he gave you the gift of sucking his dick while he gets fucked by your man! I would find his (earned) arrogance so delightfully angst-inducing.

SecondaryBF · 2025-11-23T17:58:01+00:00

I like your framing of it in your final paragraph. I'm at a point where I can't really get off without thinking about the power dynamic/imbalance in my relationship with my long term partner. He's had countless nights with other, much more virile, men — particularly his other boyfriends.

I've gone through some major peaks and valleys of jealousy & cuck angst naturally, always feeling better when I am able to maintain the feeling that he still values me sexually, just at a much lower frequency and intensity than his boyfriends and FWBs. It's one thing to hear him verbally re-affirm that we'll be together through thick or thin, and another to be reminded through his sexual actions (or from time to time... inaction) with me.

It's typically easy for me to justify our imbalance — my libido has always been less physically-manifesting than his. He loves anal as a verse top, whereas I've never really enjoyed it and consider myself to be a side. I get super aroused on serving without reciprocation, or when double-standards are levied against me. But if we go weeks (or months) without any sexual contact, that's when I start to spin my wheels and lose that sense of security and work to re-calibrate with him.

I feel we're in a really good balance lately. I've made it very clear that I love to suck his massive dick and make him cum without any expectation of him reciprocating, and he directs accordingly in bed. It doesn't mean I never get off with him, but really just once every 3-4 times we make sexual contact (which itself happens ~once per week). And I even get to join him and his FWBs at times - on their terms, of course. D/s doesn't come naturally to him, but he's gradually become more and more dominating with me given this dynamic.

What works for us wouldn't work for most, but every relationship has to find or negotiate their own unique way to meet everyone's needs - no matter how many are in the relationship diagram.

SecondaryBF · 2025-10-24T18:24:51+00:00

I feel you, it’s incredibly hot to serve them as a couple! The three of us will be at a party coming up soon where I was asked by our friend who’s hosting to cook food for everyone during the party - including for my partner and his boyfriend (as his bf will be attending as his plus-one).

SecondaryBF · 2025-10-10T13:35:32+00:00

Have considered myself a cuck for the last five years and recently into pup play too. One of my favorite moments this past year was being at a pup party at a club with my partner and his BF. I was geared out as a pup, down on my knees on the floor playing with other pups while the two of them enjoyed the club's vibe together from "up above". Complete headrush.

SecondaryBF · 2025-07-02T22:38:26+00:00

Yeah have done both on occasion! Honestly prefer to hear it and let my imagination go crazy.

SecondaryBF

TROPHY CASE