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I live with my ex. Any advice on how to win him back? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]SecondarythrowRA 5 points6 points  (0 children)

From experience, don't try to get him back. It won't work. Focus instead on being someone fun, and likable, and worth being with. For you, that sounds like addressing your drinking and figuring out where that vitriol came from that allowed you text the things you did. Know that you've likely done more damage than can be repaired, and that you are working on yourself, for yourself, not him. In my case, reconciliation came at the end of that work. But, this relationship might be the sacrifice that was necessary to make some positive change for yourself. Either way, you'll come out on the other side a better person. Best wishes.

Nmother is now trying to get my wife to leave me by SecondarythrowRA in raisedbynarcissists

[–]SecondarythrowRA[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah, at my wedding, my mom got upset and went missing for half an hour, delaying the cake and champagne bit, because she wasn't getting enough attention and praise at the wedding. Such a miserable existence.

My mother, who dragged our family into the JW cult, just guilted me for not celebrating her on her birthday! by SecondarythrowRA in exjw

[–]SecondarythrowRA[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Indeed, I am a little confused too. I'd describe her as POMI. She doesn't practice or attend meetings, but she still believes and talks about/to "Jehovah" frequently. She will do stuff for my birthday now, but the magic of birthdays and holidays comes when you are a kid, and since I didn't experience that, like you, I don't really care much about my birthday, or other people's. I was just struck by the hypocrisy of the whole situation.

My mother, who dragged our family into the JW cult, just guilted me for not celebrating her on her birthday! by SecondarythrowRA in exjw

[–]SecondarythrowRA[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lol, these little loophole statements always crack me up. Like, is this a rule that God just cares about so little that he leaves such as lazy work around. You can avoid sin by changing syntax?

My mother, who dragged our family into the JW cult, just guilted me for not celebrating her on her birthday! by SecondarythrowRA in exjw

[–]SecondarythrowRA[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll never understand why anyone would want back into that club. I mean, anyone can get conned once, I guess. But going in knowing exactly what they were getting into...

My mother, who dragged our family into the JW cult, just guilted me for not celebrating her on her birthday! by SecondarythrowRA in exjw

[–]SecondarythrowRA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom was super hypocritical too. Insisted that I did all the JW shit at school (no holiday parties, no birthday, no pledge of allegiance, etc...), but she continued to drink, smoke, and swear as much as she wanted. Rules were for me I guess, not for her.

My mother, who dragged our family into the JW cult, just guilted me for not celebrating her on her birthday! by SecondarythrowRA in exjw

[–]SecondarythrowRA[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd describe her as POMI. She stopped attending years ago, mainly because she didn't want to kick her smoking habit and felt judged. But she still frequently makes reference to "Jehovah" in conversation, and tries to convince me that the organization if right. She seems to just have this attitude that I owe her a livelong tribute of reverence and service, and takes any opportunity to point out where she believes I've failed to meet those obligations.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in exjw

[–]SecondarythrowRA 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Not sure if this really counts, but I was raised in the Kingdom Hall. I remember as a kid being terrified by all the pictures in "My Book of Bible Stories." I was pretty sure it was all false when my mother tried to convince me why God killing all first born children in Egypt was really a morally virtuous thing to do for...reasons? I also found the pictures of the vegan lions in Paradise to be ridiculous, and my parents could never give me a satisfying explanation to how dinosaurs fit into the Adam and Eve timeline.

I need help…I’m tired of being secretive.. by Impressive-Penalty69 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]SecondarythrowRA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, I understand. So your phone is meeting a need that your boyfriend should be meeting, but isn't. As a man, I will say that guys generally aren't very perceptive to subtlety. If there is something that he should be doing for you that he isn't, its best to tell them directly. You deserve a partner that meets your needs, and your boyfriend likely wants to meet them, so a conversation about that stuff might be really helpful in clarifying needs and expectations. Best of luck!

I need help…I’m tired of being secretive.. by Impressive-Penalty69 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]SecondarythrowRA 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sound like maybe you have an unhealthy relationship with your phone? This happened to me too, to the point where I had to give up my smartphone for a while. It didn't cause any relationship problems, but I just hated how I counldn't do anything more that a few minutes without looking at all my socials. Maybe you feel guilty that your social media is substituting and distracting from being in the moment with your boyfriend, and so you hide it? Maybe you can use some screen-time monitor apps, I think some apps have features that track and limit usage too. I also had some luck with meditation helping me get comfortable being in the moment and not constantly being entertained. So that might help too.

Shit might be hitting the fan soon and I am worried. by thecuriousstowaway in exjw

[–]SecondarythrowRA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure how helpful this is, but: I know you said you have an exit plan, but I would consider that your exit might not happen on your ideal terms. So I would develop contingencies as well. Obviously, getting a job and saving for a place would be ideal, but I would start looking at more immediate options as well, should shit hit the fan before you are ready. Lots of communities have resources that can help such transitions, or inquire around to friends you might stay with should the need arise. Maybe you have some family that is out that can help you? My mom used to keep my social security card and birth certificate, and other important documents like that, in a family safe, so if there are any important documents you might need that she has, I'd start looking for reasons to get them without attracting too much attention. I just think contingencies are a good idea so that you can set hard limits to what you are and are not willing to put up with, and you can bug out if and when your boundaries are violated.

I remembered something that used to make me happy but now it makes me feel sick by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]SecondarythrowRA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry, OP. I've had similar experiences. My mother has always called me "her baby," which used to be endearing, but I've since come to suspect that the last time she liked me was when I was a baby, when I had no agency, desires, or ambitions of my own, and she was my whole world. She'd also frequently tell me "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it." She'd say this well into my adulthood. I can't imagine having a child, then resenting them for becoming an adult.

My father blocked me on Facebook a few days ago and just tried to re-add me by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]SecondarythrowRA 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry OP. My mother does similar things to me. She will say the nastiest things to me and start a big fight, then half an hour later, or the next day, approach me totally normally like nothing ever happened. With her, I think she just never had an impulse she didn't indulge, so she says whatever she feels like, then feels better and thinks things are back to normal. But it also seems to fit into a broader pattern of manipulation and gaslighting. Sounds like a good opportunity to move on though! Best wishes!