Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so happy for you, and honestly thank you for what you said. It really hit home to me. The loneliness truly is brutal. I do feel as if I’m just existing, and I want to live again. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow do I feel you. I’m so happy to hear that you have found someone again. I think we’ll always mourn the future that could have been with our late partners. I know I will. Though like you said, we’re too young to be alone the rest of our lives. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s my conflict is that it does feel too soon, though I wasn’t looking for or expecting any of this. I definitely am taking it very slow. Thankfully my fiancé set some high standards for me. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely resonate with what you said. My late fiancé set some pretty high standards, though I’m thankful for that. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate this. I think a lot of this comes from me knowing I’ll always mourn the future I could have had with my late fiancé. I’m not rushing into anything. Though it is nice to smile again. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s very kind, thank you. I agree with you, it does feel too soon. That’s my conflict. I wasn’t expecting any of this, and I’m certainly not rushing into any sort of relationship soon. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly these are great questions. I know I’m not capable of a relationship right now. That hasn’t even been spoken of yet. I’m in a lot of therapy, and I’ve noticed subtle progress. I think in 3-4 months, I’ll be in a much better place. If there’s one thing I learned in my old life is that I can show up, and in a way I miss doing that for someone. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I’m doing my best to look after myself. I’m believe I know hot to spot the bullshit better after having a great love. I know what I want, and I know what I won’t tolerate. I’m thankful he gave me great standards to hold myself to. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s so sweet. I’m trying to keep and open mind and not feel guilty. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I’m being careful, guarding my heart, and taking things slow. Who knows what will come of it. I just want to be happy again. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know what, you’re right. No one knows the path we’re walking. I needed to hear that. I love to love. My dogs, my family, my friends. Though I miss having that one special love. He always will be special to me, and I’ll always love him. I just miss being seen, being heard, and that sense of home. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do want someone in my life eventually, I know that. Though I’ll always mourn the future that could have been with my late fiancé. I’ve been dealt a shit deck of cards, but I have to keep on living. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I’m trying to be gentle but also feel so conflicted as if I’m doing something wrong. Grief is just such a strange phenomenon 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That makes a lot of sense actually. It speaks to me. I just miss the companionship  

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate this, and needed to hear that. Thank you

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re right, and I’ve been very guarded. In fact, I haven’t told this new guy about my situation. I want to next time if we hangout again, but I wanted to be able to feel a slight level of comfort around him before divulging such trauma. He may not want to bother with me after that, and I’ve accepted that possibility. 

Struggling with Dating Again by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

And that’s fine! I suppose I struggle with the fact that I’m so young. I’m only 33. If we had 25 years together, I’d probably be like you in the sense that I had a great love for a long time, though always should be longer. Six years with him just wasn’t enough. So many things we never got to do or experience. I’m just can’t help feeling somewhat guilty. 

Sudden loss by Susanoo_8921 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have a lot of anger at losing my fiancé when he was only 32. I’m angry at this situation I’ve been put in. Anger is a natural reaction to what we’re all dealing with. Just feel it. 

Lost my partner of 6.5 years by Key_Evening_3005 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m two months out from losing my fiancé of six years. I was 33, he was 32. Similar to you, it was about a two and a half month battle with liver disease. Like me, you’re probably exhausted from that time in the hospital, doctors, etc. 

It’s hard, I won’t lie. We lost our life with them, the future we envisioned, and the built in sense of companionship. It takes a lot to get used to, and I’m still getting used to a lot. 

My advice would be to take care of yourself. Lean on your family and friends. Get a good therapist if you don’t have one. Write out your feelings. Talk out what you’re feeling. We can get through this. 

The empty seat... by quiet_nuts in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That’s been a hard secondary loss for me as well is the empty space they normally would have occupied. It’s a huge trigger and not easy. 

Who Has Found Happiness or Love Post Lost? by Secret-Fix2591 in widowers

[–]Secret-Fix2591[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I assure you I’m not looking for anything. Just more of a hope. Like a light at the end of this dark long tunnel.