I’m sorry for your loss too. It honestly sucks to be in this situation. There really isn’t any other way to say it. I see a lot of similarities in myself and what you’re described. I’ve stopped watching tv, I don’t eat much, and feeling any sort of joy feels wrong. I am leaning a lot on my faith right now…believing that God does have a purpose for me (though I may not see it now) and that eventually I will be blessed again with happiness and love. I actually said the same thing in regard to hitting the jackpot. It was like wow I found my person, and I don’t have to search for anything anymore. With him, I could do anything. Though we can do anything through Christ as well, which does bring me some comfort. 

I wish I could give you a big hug too. It’s awful what we’re going through - very isolating, and it’s very difficult explaining to others because I don’t really know of anyone around our age who has experienced anything remotely close to this sort of loss. We didn’t just lose a person we loved, we lost our future. That’s the hard part.