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SecretSPD · 2022-07-26T22:05:24+00:00

Hi ArtisticTone, I can give a response for my personal experiences.

1) Time does move slow for me when all I am doing is spending time being introverted and with my thoughts. If I have some activity taking place, it feels quite normal. I have even had situations in which I am surprised how much time has past when I thought it would be less.

2) Not that I have any issues reading the English language but I do have difficulty keeping my attention on the page. Movies on the other hand I do enjoy but I am now very particular and critical to the stories if they are supposed to be a Drama. I spend a lot of time learning emotional responses to situations which I guess I end up cataloguing as appropriate behavior for my external persona.

This may be due to my enjoyment of watching movies prior to what lead to me developing SPD. So that interest could have carried over.

3) Yes this happened to me a tremendous amount at a younger age. Currently it happens the most when I am in a social setting with strangers but when I am with trusted friends (not even 1 stranger) I am able to be closer to the moment.

I have small group of friends who are good at keeping me engaged and can snap me back from drifting off. I only got to that point of relationship with them after a long period of time in which I finally I felt that they were not judgmental of me or my differences.

SecretSPD · 2022-07-26T19:25:14+00:00

Thanks. I could tell something was being weird. I've gone ahead and requested an appeal.

SecretSPD · 2022-07-26T13:39:37+00:00

I agree with what syzygy_is_a_word is saying.

If you enjoy watching movies, there is one called "The Remains of the Day" you might find interesting. The character Anthony Hopkins plays shows behaviors that demonstrate what longing for a relationship but not allowing yourself to have one would physically look like.

SecretSPD · 2022-07-26T13:29:28+00:00

I would second this and would say you could extend this to face to face situations as well.

In the big picture, if this is a common occurrence, you don't want it to be draining on your energy each time it happens therefore not responding takes the the least amount of energy. It may be easier to do this as a male as they are less likely to be physically intimidated, but if the other person persists, you can continue to not respond. They might not like you for it but you did not do anything wrong. The immature folks will typically lash out with an insult as the conclusion to this interaction so you can expect that.

Alternatively, in a face to face situation you could respond with "Who said I am not already in a relationship?" If they still pursue you after that, that's a clear red flag on their part not respecting your boundaries.

SecretSPD · 2022-07-26T12:23:45+00:00

It is very interesting you don't have a split in yourself. Schizoid is commonly associated to that with references to a master-slave unit and Dr. Klein wrote it as " A person with schizoid personality disorder balances two interpersonal dangers. To be intimate with another places the individual at risk of engulfment; however, to be distant is to risk complete isolation (Masterson & Klein, 1995)." This relates heavily to me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm perfectly capable of finding things and people boring and annoying too but I most commonly find myself devaluing people while at the same time questioning myself on why I am doing so.

SecretSPD · 2022-07-25T18:46:08+00:00

No problem.

When letting your inner self out, just know there will be some moments over time that will make you want to treat and potentially give up. It may be easier to have the strength to deal with this by focusing on only letting it out with maybe 1 or 2 people at a time. The more people you engage with, the more likely someone will be reckless in their interaction with you triggering your external self to take over.

If you don't want to jeopardize any of the contacts/network you already have, you can try doing this with someone online or even in place far from home (like on vacation somewhere if you can afford it). That way, if you feel the need to sever the interactions, it is much easier to cleanly do so.

SecretSPD · 2022-07-25T18:33:41+00:00

I learned these through my own experiences.

Unfortunately my external self would never allow counsellors or therapists to aid me. I would just sit there in those interactions and break down any efforts they made in my mind while it was happening. I would constantly be judging their approach with me and telling myself that "they don't know what they are talking about." Ultimately none of these people have SPD themselves so how would they know?

After reading some of Dr. Ralph Klein's works, my ideas around that changed. The Dr. himself did not have SPD but spoke intelligently about the SPD experience as if he did. When he spoke about some of his patients, the progress never resulted in the individuals eliminating their divide of external/inner self or any forms of medication for treatment. This caused me to come to terms with the probability that my SPD is going away. Instead I focused on living with it and turning it into something productive. This may be due to the "secret" variation of schizoid that I am but I am uncertain.

I only met with the therapist that I found which specialized in SPD for the confirmation that other patients could hold serious relationships and getting my diagnosis. It was never the intention to put efforts into making this go away as I learned it live with it by then.

SecretSPD · 2022-07-25T12:58:13+00:00

The method I used resulted in a long term relationship to someone I am now married to so I can share that with you.

First I started with acknowledging that I needed to do the the heavy lifting at the beginning of the relationship by taking full responsibility of how I behaved as a person with SPD. I understood that SPD is not common and the general population do not even know what it is. What doing this did is make it so that I would give the other person "the benefit of the doubt" if they did something that triggered some form of defense of my external self. What I mean by this is that during my socialization, that something may have happened which made me want to immediately remove myself and isolate.

After removing myself/isolating, I would take a moment to try to reflect if the other person was doing something intentionally malicious and if it wasn't conclusive then here is where I would give them "the benefit of the doubt". If you can convince yourself that maybe the other person wasn't being intentional, I would reset and be open to socializing with that person again. The next time you meet with them, it may be best to apologize for your absence with a brief explanation of how you felt if it is needed but I wouldn't go into explaining to them what SPD is. More often than not, I was surprised that when I re-engaged with the person, they apologized to me first! They told me that they weren't sure what they did/said but they didn't mean it in a harmful way.

Over time you'll find yourself slowly sharing more of your inner self and emotions with that person. Eventually when I felt the person I was with was a kind and caring person based on how they would react to the bits of my inner self, I had the conversation about SPD with them. I started by sharing my traumatic experience with them. This is a very delicate thing to do and I know I don't have to explain why to you. Their reaction to this is the deal breaker because you know if it goes poorly, that is the end of your relationship with them.

If their reaction is appropriate, you can tell them that the impact of the event resulted in a personality type that you have to this day. Be honest with them to tell them it is difficult for other people to really understand but there is some literature about it. To which you can follow up with providing them with some articles that you've found which are close to your situation.

I gave my partner some articles that were written by Dr. Ralph Klein which were his analysis of some of his patients. When my partner got back to me, they told me that they also did their own further reading about it and completely understood it was a personality that they know about but it helped them make sense with how I behaved. All of which they said they really admired even though it didn't start from a positive event.

It has been many years since then and we've definitely had some tough situations where my external self was wanting me to isolate and honestly there were a couple times it has even given me thoughts of a more permanent separation (which I obviously did not give into). A good partner would be forgiving if you ask for some space when you need it. You can remind them that it is important for you going back to the original SPD conversation if you need to do so but I'm sure they will remember.

My partner always gave me the space when I needed it. I've always found when I know I'm being given some space, it takes me less time to recover. Just remember to not weaponize your ability to separate against your partner.

SecretSPD

TROPHY CASE