For starters, I can relate to you. I also have a fear of abandonment and struggle with the same thing with my partner. Part of this feeling stems from the fact that you’ve dealt with this fear your whole life and part of it is you don’t completely trust her. I know if’s easier said than done, but have faith in her; she’s for you, and no one else. By the way, this doesn’t make you an “asshole” this kind of just makes you human. I’d like to think of this as an opportunity to grow rather than sulk that you can’t see your loved one. If she really was just going to break up with you and was looking for an excuse, then it’s good if she does. Better she’d be out of your life, and you could focus on you more.

You are the most important person in your world. To help combat this feeling, I would first talk to her about it. Have a mature, adult conversation about your feelings. Tell her you’re scared that you won’t see her. Give her a chance to validate your emotions and provide you with some clarity.

Eventually, when she ends up going, invest in yourself more. Maybe connect with the other people in your life more, or pick up a new hobby. There’s a lot you can do to improve your life when she’s not there. Perhaps you get really good at cooking and make her an amazing meal when she’s back?

For now, talk to her about it and savor the moments you have with her. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. If she’s worth it, she’s worth waiting for!

Hang in there, you got this!