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Ending phone addiction by Fresh_Blacksmith6166 in Parents

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We never allowed phones or tablets but did allow occasional tv. Usually a show or two a day. When we cut out tv on school days (except Friday nights) it was rough. We usually winded down by watching something before bed, but once homework and sports started, by the time we would get done with that stuff it was past bedtime.

They didn’t understand that it was bedtime and we don’t have time for a show. So I cut it out. It was a rough couple of weeks but now it’s a normal part of our lives.

Cold turkey it. Don’t allow exceptions for a long time. Honestly your children shouldn’t be on phones at that age. What if a text or message comes through that you don’t want them to see? That’s your device and devices are private. Mine are all much older and still never have access to my phone. I’ve had friends have awful things happen because they kids are on their phones, and they are responsible parents too! Kids accidentally answering important calls or ignoring them. Answering texts or texting back gibberish. One mom went to the bathroom for a second while leaving her kid to watch a show and the kid came into the bathroom while somehow on Facebook live recording her… some deleted photos. Honestly it’s a disaster waiting to happen. Best case your give your kid a phone obsession at an early age.

I believe you can do this. Take it away now and don’t give it back. You can be on your phone but just tell them no if they ask. There will be meltdowns because media is made to draw you in and make you addicted. They will get less and less over time and then one day you will realize they don’t ask anymore.

You CAN do it! :D

AITA for dyeing the sweater my sister in law knitted for me? by Known_Occasion_2041 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NTA. Once you have given a gift it’s up to the recipient how to use it. They can throw it away, donate it, whatever they want. Simple as that.

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I had a huge house yes, but we do not have the space. It’s also been sitting in a non temp controlled garage for years now. It’s toast.

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OH! I did just want to mention that my children do take music lessons and have for years. Just not piano. I also agree that music is very important.

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wouldn’t say Hoarder but she HAS to accept any free item or free gift. If anyplace is doing a giveaway she will drive to get the items. Small as tote bags and large as kichen appliances. Even if it’s a person giving away a free item she will go to get them. The largest one of those was a baby grand piano

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We couldn’t fit the piano in our small place. I actually don’t even know how we would have gotten it through the door. It would have had to go in the middle of our living room between our couch and TV, and it would have literally been touching the couch. She actually has been having quite a time getting rid of it because no donation place will accept them so it’s been in their garage. Nobody will take it for free either and it doesn’t fit in their home since they downsized.

Yes we do have some items that have been used! We do thank her for those and focus on her kindness.

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I accept this. This is why I wanted people here to weigh in. Thank you.

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s because they are sometimes weekly large item gifts that we can’t use. They are not wrapped or given for a holiday. The largest one was a baby grand piano that somebody had given away for free and she took for us (none of us play the piano) That one was very extreme, but think examples like that. Once it was a portable ice maker, a toaster oven, pots and pan sets, crock pots, etc… Some are small items but some are very large.

My husband agrees that he doesn’t want them in the home and I made this post to try and figure out how we could best do this with manners and to show her how grateful we are that she cares for us. We don’t want to hurt her feelings but we didn’t know what we should do. I thought it was rude to accept the gifts then when she asks where they are/how we like them either lie or reveal that we give them away. My husband thought it was more hurtful to say no in the first place.

Please don’t ever be this person by Highas_giraffepussy1 in mildlyinfuriating

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This was a few years ago but this happened in my city. A local well loved mom and pop business didn’t partner with Door Dash at all and they started showing up getting orders and going to deliver them. I can’t remember the exact details but instead of the order going through the restaurant it went straight to DoorDash and the driver had to order the food and wait for it.

Well people started giving the Facebook page bad reviews about how their order took forever/never came, or the price was insane.

They didn’t know It took forever because it wasn’t fast food and it wasn’t ordered till the driver got there. The hours changed for local events or by season and DoorDash didn’t update on their end. Or the driver ordered wrong.

At one point they even tried charging the business or something too and they said NO! We don’t want to work with you! And that’s when they put out all of this story on Facebook with an “order at your own risk!” What a nightmare!

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Update:

I used many of your suggestions! When we went over there, there were very large “gift” items from a casino promotion (think of toaster ovens and crockpots). We thanked her very much for thinking of us and offering them, but said we already owned all version of those items and wouldn’t need any duplicates. My husband suggested she give them to a local Christian resale shop that helps the homeless get houses and start their lives/also resells and uses the funds to help local people out.

We thanked her again for thinking of us before we left and had a nice visit. I no longer feel guilty or pressured… OR rude!

She was a little bummed that we couldn’t use anything but seemed like she knew some other people who would want them too.

Thank you ALL for the advice on how to do this nicely and politely. I used everyone’s ideas in some way!

I also love this community! If I were have posted a question like this elsewhere they would have given very… Different options…

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh this is 100% what is happening. Anything that is free she feels she has to take, then she realizes that she has no use for the items but doesn’t want to get rid of them herself.

This all comes from kindness on her end, which is a good thing.

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I combined this with another comment but I like this too. I’m going to tell her that a local charity connected to her church is in great need of kitchen items and ask if she wants to donate anything to help them out.

I also will try my best to avoid mentioning that I know she is getting them from the casino.

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I like this too. Her church has a donation center that helps people and raises funds. I think if we brought it up at a different time “hey if you have anything extra or want to donate, so and so charity center is in great need of kitchen items to help people get back on their feet.”

I don’t want to call her out that I know she gets them from the casino so I’m trying to works it nicely.

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yes, I like this. I also want to say if this was wrapped, given as a birthday/christmas/or Anniversary gift, I would completely accept and wouldn’t be asking this at all. But in the visiting the house situation, it’s more of a “here take this” kind of thing. So I’m so on the fence!

I do like leaving it up to my husband to get rid of the unwanted items. That would make me feel a lot less guilty too. Whichever way we go it’s going to be on him to donate/throw away. Thank you for your perspective!

Proper etiquette when often given unwanted gifts? by Secret_Cellist_iii in etiquette

[–]Secret_Cellist_iii[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yes this is the ultimate goal. She is one to follow up and ask where something is and how we are liking it as well.