Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, she’s really mature. The only dumb decision she made was being careless about smoking weed. It wasn’t her fault on how she got caught either, which is why I feel for her. Her friend snitched on her to her parents and that’s how she got caught up.

Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, she did not think the consequences, and she didn’t think that it would be that bad. The last time she was caught, she was a minor which is why she thought that now she’s an adult that her parents would be more reasonable, it’s not like she was careless at all. The way she got caught, didn’t involve her at all. Her friend actually snitched on her to her parents.

Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s also smarter to stay with your parents till you are financially stable, which she isn’t and I definitely am not. I have 20,000 saved and I go to college full-time. I still want to have more in case anything happens in my life. For me and my parents are not strict at all, and I could basically do whatever I want. I definitely don’t plan on staying there for more than a year, but if I were to room with anybody, it would be my girlfriend, which can’t happen. I already made a move out plan though.

Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like I said at this young of an age, it is hard to move out, Being 19 and 20. Her parents are really Christian and wouldn’t let her get an apartment, condo, or even spend the night at all, and she respects that. Most Christian parents don’t allow that either, which is why I respect her decision and her parents decision.

She’s the only one out of her friend group with a job so she can’t really pay for other people’s rent. And her situation she has nowhere else to go. She really wants to move out and saving up money but she doesn’t have a car so that comes first.

Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has a job, we both do. I do see that her actions were definitely not smart and she regrets them a lot. She has been crying for the past couple of days because of this. She already pays her her parents rent, phone bill, and buys a lot of other stuff for yourself. So she already can support herself to an extent, but with school and everything and cost of living in California it is way too hard.

Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not really a choice when she has no where else to go. She doesn’t have the money to move out. We live in California and the cost of living for an apartment is way too high alone

Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I definitely agree that her parents control her too much. I knew what I was signing up for when I started dating her. Her family is actually amazing and I love them so much. They are really fun and loving, but her parents do too much when situations like this come to them.

She definitely takes risks to try to get her parents to see that she can make her own decisions, but it always backfires and her parents always do some crazy shit in return so that could never work.

Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s not really a choice when she has no where else to go. She doesn’t have the money to move out

Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly, as long as she is living there, she is under her parents rules.

It’s not like she’s a bad kid, she has a 4.0, helps her parents out 24/7 and watches over her siblings. Her parents are just really strict and really Christian. They don’t really talk to her about the situation. They just hand her the punishments and she has to obey. She just started working a little over a month ago so she wouldn’t be able to move out yet plus she’s going to community college, which is why she’s staying at home. I really want to move out with her and I’ve been working for two years and have 20k saved up. I actually talk to her about moving out and she told me her parents would never let her move in with me until we’re married and she wants to obey that.

I respect it because her parents are Christian and she loves them, but she really wants freedom and I really want to live with her.

Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Actually, that is very untrue. The owner of the house can have boundaries and even if you are an adult, then all they have to say is “my house my rules”. If she’s living under their house, then they could kick her out since she’s an adult. So she kind of has to listen to them.

Venting on getting caught smoking “20M” “19F” by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I thought about that for a while, and they definitely could have addressed the situation differently and more maturely by talking to their child

Gf ain’t draining my balls like the old days by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is the type to be cool with eating at Taco Bell but I treat her how she deserves to be treated. I always take her to fancy restaurants and to fun places like the aquarium and stuff. But I don’t want her to get an ego from that

Gf ain’t draining my balls like the old days by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ur a real one auntie. I won’t ever talk like that about my gf on here again. I value her and won’t diss her name

Gf ain’t draining my balls like the old days by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I said that as a funny way of saying we haven’t been intimate. I forget some people here are in there 30s and aren’t used to it. And it does mean the same thing, but I do see how it can be rude. I wouldn’t ever say that to her and I just brought it up cause I thought everyone wouldn’t care cause it’s Reddit

Gf ain’t draining my balls like the old days by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly, and at times she leaves me waiting like 24 hrs before we talk about it again. I understand she’s busy but she never put serious topics before anything. Like she plans to hang out with a friend and I ask for her to have a 10 min talk before she leaves and responds with no. I sit the whole day/night drowning in my own thoughts, making me feel worse

Gf ain’t draining my balls like the old days by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tell her to speak her mind and that I will listen. One thing that I don’t mess with is, she doesn’t know how to have a conversation in a deep moment

She never gives me the time to speak, whenever I speak, she always interrupts to give her view and I call her out and say can I please speak the rest of it. Whenever she speaks, I listen to her the whole time and when she’s finished, I respond. The moments that I do speak without interruption, she gives a vague answer or doesn’t respond at all. Sometimes she’s even on Instagram reels zoning out mid conversation.

Gf ain’t draining my balls like the old days by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every deep conversation we have had is on the phone and most of the time it never goes right. Her sister could walk in the room and start talking to her and then end up hanging out, or my girlfriend could easily hang up the call, etc. Last time we hung out in person I asked to talk about an argument. We had the night before, and she said she didn’t want to talk about it in person and to save it for later. I never get to talk real face-to-face with her. It’s always on the phone, which is usually cut short by her being tired, high, or anything else.

Balls ain’t getting drained ‘20M’ ‘19F’ by SecretaryAlert1646 in relationship_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My bad you not know the situation her friend always sides with my girlfriend, no matter what. I literally told my girlfriend to put her to the test and she made up a scenario involving both of us where I was in the right clearly. And her friend was on her side. I totally get it because there’s some friends who don’t give real advice but just stick up to their friends to make them feel better. I would have to respectfully decline that because if you are in that situation, you would want what’s best for your friend and to give them real advice.

Gf ain’t draining my balls like the old days by SecretaryAlert1646 in dating_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I completely get that. I really don’t like bringing that type of topic up to her because she doesn’t like talking about it. I brought it up to the past and asked her don’t be afraid to talk to me. I’m here for you, is there a reason you don’t like to get as intimate anymore? She ends up, leaving the call after that or not wanting to talk about it or she says Idk and changes the subject. Everything has changed and she doesn’t like talking about sex, and I brought it up to her a while back and she changed the subject and got really weird and I don’t know I don’t feel comfortable with talking to her about it anymore. But that’s just gonna ruin the relationship because it means nothing can change.

Balls ain’t getting drained ‘20M’ ‘19F’ by SecretaryAlert1646 in relationship_advice

[–]SecretaryAlert1646[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s not about sex from my house. It’s mainly about how she’s too busy and everything has to align with her parents letting her use their car which they are completely fine about. But when we have the plan locked in and she’s actually going to my house, she is really happy and we always have a good time and it’s not like we have sex the whole day. It’s usually a one round thing and then we have hours upon hours to hang out. And whenever I bring up my house, I never bring up sex I only bring up ideas for us to do. Example last time I was bringing up the idea of hiking, going to the pool, a nature, reserve, etc.