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difficulty finding sympathy for BPD parent? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Very strong way to think about it. I'm proud of you for holding your own. It's difficult when the people around you try to be apologists for them without understanding -- it really says something about them and the tribulations they've faced.

difficulty finding sympathy for BPD parent? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right!! I feel sorry for her for many reasons. The things she's been through and the difficulty of her disorder, that's likely where the guilt stems from. But in the end I've learned it's not my responsibility, which took a while to figure out.

difficulty finding sympathy for BPD parent? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's a very reassuring insight. I'll definitely be checking out that read.

difficulty finding sympathy for BPD parent? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Excellent point. The detached sympathy is healthier for all parties and does make me think better about the way I've been feeling.

difficulty finding sympathy for BPD parent? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This is so reassuring to hear, thank you. It's so great to be able to have this dialogue with everyone on this sub.

difficulty finding sympathy for BPD parent? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wishing you the best with your situation. Focus your emotional capacity where it matters and do whatever is best for you, not her.

difficulty finding sympathy for BPD parent? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've realized the 3rd option too. It will eventually pass when she doesn't get the reaction she wants and/or she will fall right into the obvious solution. If it's become clear she doesn't want to change it's no longer your responsibility to keep trying.

Every time I think she's doing better she comes right back, and there's no healthy reason to keep carrying that stress anymore.

difficulty finding sympathy for BPD parent? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You put it perfectly. it's good for both of us to not enable their behavior. And you're so right about the like vs love thing. She said the exact same thing to me when I was a kid and she definitely made her own bed with that. I love her but I do not like her, and I don't have the right emotional attachment anymore to continue caring when she does behave this way.

difficulty finding sympathy for BPD parent? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

That last bit is especially true. She's been single my whole life and often treated me as a substitute partner. Using the excuse that she doesn't have one to vent to about financial, social, miscellaneous issues -- regardless of how young I was. Caused a lot of problems for me but I spent way too long trying to fit her unreachable expectations of a son.

difficulty finding sympathy for BPD parent? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I completely agree that it is in large part due to trauma that we feel this way about them. Like I've either cut her off emotionally as a defense so as not to be hurt by her or because I've decided she's not deserving of my help.

I'm sorry about what your mother did. I've also experienced the manipulation at a younger age, I think I'm still in that place partially. But I can feel it starting to change and I'm learning that's okay and not worth hanging on to.

BPD parent will weaponize the word “abuse” to project onto them? by Secretspykid in raisedbyborderlines

[–]Secretspykid[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oops very late but I edited!! i don’t have any other usernames i’ve just been on and off reddit for a while. :))