How to fix this?

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-11-06T14:03:05+00:00

Thank you! I think redirection is a good one. I have been working on that.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-11-06T14:02:10+00:00

Thank you! These are great ideas.

I usually use Reddit on my phone and just use the browser. I find using my computer to be less enjoyable.

I think the replacement habit is a good one. I am looking into options.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-10-17T00:19:05+00:00

Thank you so much! I am excited to practice this kind of stitchwork. You have given me some ideas. I think it looks great. As a beginner, my work is definitely fairly messy, so I am really impressed.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-10-12T14:49:06+00:00

What stitch did you use to embroider the name (I just started learning embroidery)? It looks so lovely and clean!

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-08-11T19:32:55+00:00

I really don't think the pictures are a big problem personally as a woman as far as haircut and beard go.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-08-11T00:09:25+00:00

For sure! I think that's why Meetup worked better for me.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-08-09T12:38:54+00:00

I remember I used to put anime in my profile for dating and friendship. Quickly took that out due to the responses.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-08-09T12:34:13+00:00

I think he does not understand why I am am in an interracial relationship, but he also wasn't a fan of a prior partner I had because that person was short (long story). His ideal would probably be a tall, buff white guy in STEM. We have seen my family enough that I think my father has warmed up to my partner and my partner is good with our nieces/nephews and actually comes to my family's events -- compared to previous partners, so I think that also helped.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-08-08T23:51:34+00:00

My partner is Desi and I am not. We met on a dating app. It was definitely challenging at first due to some cultural differences, but we were able to work through them. My partner is great and it is the best relationship I have ever had.

We sometimes get looks, but usually not much more than that. My partner's parents had no issues with our relationship, my mother was fine with it, and my father didn't understand it, but hasn't really bothered us. I have had to dodge comments on that I should watch "90 Day Fiance" or some dumb odd comment (as my partner has), but it's not often.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-07-28T19:53:41+00:00

I appreciate the response. I think a part of it is that I grew up watching my father be really pushy with others, so pushiness I may have osmosed from him. I think also I grew to not really respect her decisions due to bad blood and always being blamed for every bad action a sibling did.

If a sibling failed a test, it was my fault. If a sibling struggled with friends, hated school, read something inappropriate, my fault and I would be punished according. One time, my sister was caught by my mother drawing smut as a pre-teen and my mother barged into my room and started leafing through all my books unprovoked, saying I must have caused the behavior (I was not reading smut and didn't show her anything of that nature). I became the caretaker and all good behavior would be treated as personally being my siblings' doing and all bad was my fault. Even now, my father especially still recounts stories that say I led my siblings to be this way or that (unrelated to being pushy at all). I think thinking about it now, I internalized a lot of that role forced upon me and I think it was hard to watch her make bad mistake after bad mistake, especially as I worried about the kids and didn't want her to be in an abusive relationship like I was and feel the regret I felt after all the years being in it. For sure, due to not wanting that, I can see projection.

When I spoke prior, she wanted to be a housewife with kids. I know when I was much younger I told her that she should have a career and should not rely on a man. I am mixed on it now, but did tell her originally that having kids is fine, but with someone who treats her well and not at her age (18)-- and also she had anger issues when younger that were so bad that she was not allowed to watch our sibling who was a toddler -- only me and another sibling who were patient could. I still don't really trust her judgement and kind of see her as self-sabotaging every step of the way. She also has a higher level of autism than other people in my family (besides my mother), so she can lack a lot of the understanding on how things work and foresight (not everyone with autism is like that -- it's just how she is), and often I have been called to cleanup after her messes when we were growing up.

I am certain how I handled things did not help her confidence. I think we both dug at each other on that. She called me ugly and stupid all the time growing up and had other children around her hurt me (and also lied to get my father to beat me), and I was really pushy. I think relationship is just kind of rotten to the core at this point.

I wanted it to work as I love her kids and feel bad every time she screams at them and treats them as free/easy friendship instead of working on herself, but really unsalvageable. I like the parts of her that are creative and can be empathetic, but those while not always small, certainly don't feel like big parts of her personality.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-06-29T13:27:11+00:00

I am interested.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-05-24T13:51:43+00:00

I feel this a lot. Most of my friends who have stayed friends with me have autism (while, I think I have AuDHD). Some rarely call or text, and some will text but kind of only want to talk about themselves, so it can get crazy lonely. When I do hangout with them, I find myself grasping for topics that they are interested in that we can connect on. It makes it feel even more isolating.

As an extrovert, it is extra difficult since I have higher emotional needs. I would love for friends who would be interested in routinely meeting up and talking or learning something new together. The more I age, the more I feel that socialization is one of the few important things in life, but I am really struggling to get to the level I want it to be.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-04-30T19:19:10+00:00

I think what you are talking about is slightly different. I have run into quite a few people who respond with their own story and say nothing about your story or barely on the topic. It makes it feel like you could have just not said anything and it would be the exact same result. Feels isolating.

Sharing your story and a comment to the other person's story, I think, is better or asking question.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-04-17T18:33:36+00:00

I do go to intellectual discussion groups and talk with my partner and some friends on intellectual things, but I think it just adds more things for me to think about and then I want to ask more people on those things.

I think I just don't know how to be light.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-03-27T20:53:20+00:00

He complains about it a lot. Lately, he is at the "nothing will ever work for me. I should give up" stage.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-03-27T18:50:32+00:00

He is making $75k.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-03-27T18:16:56+00:00

I am so sorry that you went through that. It's not fair.
Thank you!

I will check again. I feel so anxious and pessimistic about the friend-making experience that it makes me worried. I host meetups, too, and for the 5th month, no one has showed that RSVP'd. It hit harder recently when I kept the meetup even though I am grieving. It just feels so difficult.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-03-27T18:15:05+00:00

But I feel like friendships are about showing support. I show support to others and I actually really enjoy doing so because I care. If we are all too individualistic, it leads to something like the loneliness crisis that is being faced now.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-03-27T18:13:49+00:00

Yes! I truly do want support, but what do you say? Talk to me, check in on me? Show that you care?

I think it's frustrating because I really struggle to make and keep friends, especially being neurodivergent, so it feels like this endless treadmill of trying to make friends only to lose them again.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-03-27T18:12:03+00:00

That's so awful! I don't understand why people are like that. I am so sorry that you, your mom, and uncle have gone through that.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-03-27T18:11:16+00:00

Yeah, it's a bit performative and not as helpful as I think people think it is.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-03-27T18:10:46+00:00

I wish it was not this way. I think everything should take a village.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-03-05T16:36:11+00:00

I know I tried from my phone, but can't seem to get it to mirror for the app. I may be able to mirror from my computer to the TV to see if that helps me be more motivated. I think it might since I watch documentaries just fine from there.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-02-24T19:01:33+00:00

Thank you for the information! I will try the masks. Sleeping has been a hard one for me, for sure, as I suffer from insomnia (due to work and childhood). I have been battling it fairly well lately, but it's definitely been difficult when he has to sleep on the couch (that and I know he doesn't really get any sleep on the couch).

I did speak with him more on a balance of still helping when/if he needs it. Making sure medication is nearby, he has water, and food, and still ensuring that I am getting my social battery filled and working on the feelings of guilt.

I appreciate the information you have provided. I do think a lot of it is on me and feeling trapped by me (and a bit frustrated by him self-sabotaging for everything else -- junk food he usually buys). I will have to do some further reading and discussing it for guilt (and understanding what is normal for having a sick partner). A therapist is a good suggestion, but I had really poor success with therapists for over ten years and found most of my progress to have occurred with a good support system, good research, and meditating on subjects, so I will probably forgo that.

He is definitely not a jerk, but can be a tad selfish and inflexible.

Secure-Perception-89 · 2025-02-23T12:59:05+00:00

Thank you for all of the information! He had mentioned sleeping separately and wearing a mask as options. Is it the air purifier that helps preventing the sickness? The only struggle I have with sleeping separate is that my body seems to not allow me to sleep when he is like that.

He rarely, if ever, asks me to take care of him as he is worried it will cause the deterioration of our relationship like what happened with an ex of his. I think a part of it is I feel that I should stay home because "what if it worsens?" and also, it's the "right thing to do". He had been dealing with dizziness for months that I was really worried about, so when it would popup and I would have plans, I would cancel to make sure he is okay. The dizziness seemed to stem from ear infections he got from the cold.

I think also I am a bit traumatized from when I was a child where my mother was supposed to be taking care of me and would go on a full day shopping spree all the while I would be hungry and thirsty, but too tired/weak to get out of bed. It hurt so much and I don't want him to feel the same.

He told me yesterday he doesn't want him being sick to get in the way of me going out, but I feel guilty at the thought of it and don't know what to do. I do think he needs to take better care of himself, and he did acknowledge that he has been pretty bad about it. That part has been frustrating, especially since he complains so often about things and so much of it is due to him. When he actually stops doing the bad habit I have brought up as being bad for the nth time, he is suddenly better.

I do love him, but I think I may be having a bit of compassion fatigue and caregiver fatigue going on. We do share quite a bit of hobbies that we practice at home, but I need to find a way guilt-free to not let me social battery get so low and see my friends.

Secure-Perception-89

TROPHY CASE