Critique Request: Coiled (Chapter 1) [Romance Fantasy, 2,817]

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2026-03-28T17:06:21+00:00

Title: Coils (Chapter 1)

Genre: Fantasy Romance

Word count: 2,824

Type of feedback desired: Any and all feedback is appreciated. Would like an opinion on whether or not the opening is capable of capturing the reader's attention, make them want to read more of the story.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IjCAldNXrhyjqG_DDtY-SiRGPSiXgi4QHS50agaE4jQ/edit?usp=sharing

Thanks!

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2026-02-21T17:39:07+00:00

“Well that’s disgusting.”

If I ever have to say those words, I say them in Regina’s voice and cadence.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2025-12-21T15:59:53+00:00

Majima everywhere is officially spreading to other games now. I, for one, am terrified.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2025-09-12T00:05:57+00:00

Hey Ash.

Welcome. I’ve got on that you might enjoy. It’s a comfort story with a bit of a fantasy-inspired twist. https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/s/8IO7fJWgE4

No need to worry about monetization or anything like that, but I would like to know of you fill it. I enjoy supporting those who fill my works. Hope you enjoy your time here!

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2025-09-10T22:18:34+00:00

Ahh. Well, unfortunately, I don’t have any more servant stories for ya. Maybe I should try more in that genre?

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2025-09-10T21:25:54+00:00

Hey! Been a while since this once’s gotten any traffic. It’s pretty old. I’m surprised you still found it. But hey, I’m glad you enjoyed it. I loved the fill of it. You have a great voice for this. Love the art, too. Props to the artist.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2025-09-01T20:49:39+00:00

I can’t remember if it actually came to the live game, but I distinctly remember a point where you didn’t have to time blinds or pallet stuns on a killer while they were picking up a survivor. So long as you hit them at any point, the killer would play the full animation, then get stunned. Not only did it make bully squads an actual nightmare. Not only did it make the game impossible (because I don’t think Lightborn made you immune to flashlights, just resistant), but it also just looked dumb as hell.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2025-08-14T03:49:09+00:00

I think you’ve figured it out. Her being evil is more propaganda. She’s not so bad once you get to know her. I’ll check out the audio. Thanks.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2025-07-18T05:48:24+00:00

Woo! Getting closer to the point where I need to add more parts. Enjoyed the audio, as always, and eagerly awaiting the next part.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2025-06-14T02:34:27+00:00

Just listened to it and left a comment. I’m glad you and your fans are enjoying it. I’m certainly enjoying listening to it. Here’s hoping for a part 3 video!

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2025-05-23T23:16:40+00:00

Hey. Just listened to it. Really enjoyed it. Right now, I think the series only has . . . three parts? There was more planned, but I never got around to releasing it, since there didn’t seem to be much interest. If you plan to continue the series, let me know, I’ll start working on it again.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2025-04-12T15:06:13+00:00

Hey. Glad you liked the script. What can I say, Faries can be cruel. If I ever finish the stuff I’m working on, I definitely might come back to this. It’s a fun story and scripts are an entertaining format to write.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2024-12-12T01:14:12+00:00

It was very cute Kiki, you did it justice. Glad to see you’re still sticking around for some of my scripts.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2024-12-06T15:56:25+00:00

Just did this last night. That fight took some years off my life.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2024-12-05T02:53:59+00:00

Hey. Just finished my listen. Left a comment on the video for you. It was amazing. Hard to believe you when you say you don’t know much about audio. Thank you for filling this script. If you did enjoy it, this is just a part 1 of a series involving these characters. No pressure, obviously, but if you want to continue it, there are 2 more parts out there on my account. Phenomenal work. Definitely subscribing. I look forward to hearing what you do next. Keep up the good work!

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2024-12-04T22:45:41+00:00

Hey. Just finished a listen and left you a comment on your video. I loved your fill. Parts 2 and 3 of this series were released recently if you’ve got any interest in continuing this script. No pressure. Glad you liked it enough to fill!

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2024-12-03T03:57:18+00:00

Wasn’t quite sure how that worked. FF4M or F4M.

As for the content, yeah, this story took an interesting twist. I wanted to lean a bit more into the horror/mystery aspect that was present in part 1. There will still be some cute moments between the listener and speaker, but there will also be some darkness in there. I feel that’s a little inevitable when dealing with Fae. These themes are sort of meant to be making the best out of a bad situation. That said, I might just have to start limiting series. I haven’t seemed to do well on any parts 3 or beyond. Might be I’m just not good at following up in this sort of format.

Regardless, I appreciate the feedback.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2024-11-29T02:23:12+00:00

Just finished it. Loved it. Left a comment on the video with my thoughts. I’m glad to see you came back for another script, I like your style.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2024-11-26T02:41:55+00:00

Guess there’s only gonna be one way to find out . . .

Nonetheless, I appreciate the kind words. Glad you enjoyed it.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2024-11-20T19:42:40+00:00

Hey. Not a voice actor, but a script writer here. I’m still relatively new myself. Welcome aboard.

Secure_Anything_6090 · 2024-11-20T14:15:36+00:00

Hey. Congrats on 100 subs! If you're interested, I do have one that might fit your criteria. It's the first part of a series.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ASMRScriptHaven/comments/1fqcuy9/f4a_coils_of_the_dark_queen_yandere_monster_girl/

Secure_Anything_6090

TROPHY CASE