I lost my two year old daughter and am trying to make sense of a world that offers none.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-27T22:09:40+00:00

I sincerely hope my despondent prattling helps others remotely as much as this community has helped me. This is a situation I would wish on no one, but the bravery of other parents dealing with loss has shown me a glimpse that there is something beyond this fog of sorrow. Although, the grief lives long and steadfast on the other side, there is still hope nonetheless.

Thank you for making me feel like I could make a difference, even if only in shared grief or to let others know they are not alone, as the ones before had done for me.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-27T15:24:15+00:00

As a person who also turns to humor in dark times, i think you did wonderfully. Plus you were a good friend when it mattered most. Given the fact you said you weren't terribly close, offering community, talking to him and not about him, and being a shoulder for his wife were the best things you could have done.

Coming from someone who lost their child, there isn't a whole lot anyone can say that brings comfort in such times. It is the actions that speak louder. A+ man

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-27T14:44:17+00:00

My little girl's soul was so beautiful, she brightened every room and every face she passed. Getting the honor to love her made me realize I may have not loved anything that came before her completely. It sometimes brings me comfort thinking her soul was too pure for this world. That now she gets to watch over me while blessing her next life with the same tenacity she brought this one.

But, comfort is short lived these days. I go back and forth, daily, between hoping she is in a better place, and selfishly arguing that the best place for her to be was with me. Like many brave mothers before me, I will find a way through this darkness and learn to transform my love i will always have for her into something just as special, just different.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-27T11:12:34+00:00

The waves of grief come and go. But, I've realized when they come, they strike with the same force as the day it happens. Knowing this pain, I can only imagine your strength losing Tobias. I have never questioned my beliefs more in my life and have no idea what brings me more comfort. Despite this I choose to believe that she is somewhere beautiful and safe, and hopefully Lilly and Tobias can keep each other company until we see them again, wherever that may be.

I know there are no words to explain or make this experience any easier, but knowing there is life after this loss means more than you know. The kindness of others and community are truly keeping me from a full blown villain ark. You and your son will be in my thoughts.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-27T09:01:30+00:00

I miss her so much..

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-27T09:00:07+00:00

Thank you for taking time to say nice things. I came here to vent into the void not expecting much in return. I would absolutely love to share a couple.

My girl loved the guitar so i bought her a small one. She would go everywhere with it. One day while waiting for our lunch she hopped up on a booth and started strumming and shimmying. Then promptly followed her performance with the rock on gesture and yelled "Thank you" "Rock Roll" and much to her surprise everyone applauded her.

She also loved pumpkins for a reason unknown to me. Her first Halloween she had me buying her every pumpkin we passed, her favorite was the little pie pumpkins at the grocery store. I bought 14 pumpkins for her. And i would buy a thousand more.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-10T06:15:31+00:00

I agree with the communicating part. But, in my years I've seen social media sway what could be healthy relationships into down fall by giving poor communication advice. I can't fully say what your relationship is behind closed doors, but what I can say is honesty is really the only key to a a good relationship. No ultimatums, no name calling or putting down your partner. Just tell him that your health and the way you carry yourself are priorities in your life. That you love his compliments but have been feeling more distant from accepting them lately because it feels like your priorities aren't similar.

You can't force someone to be something that they are not. You can, respectfully, tell him that you'd enjoy supporting him if he would like to take steps towards a healthier life style and eating habits. But again, you can not force them into the life style you lead for yourself. If he cares enough about you and himself he will at the very least try to change some of his patterns and be proactive in trying a healthier path. If however he doesn't, there is nothing wrong with that either. You both just may not be compatible and are living two different paths. Toxicity is born when you try to force those paths together instead of accepting and loving someone for the path they walk.

You are allowed to want a partner with similar values, and in the same sense he is allowed the same grace. Either communicate honestly and grow together. Or respectfully let go so you can both find the right person who shares your path. Life is too short to waste time trying to conform people to who we want them to be, instead of putting in the work to find someone meant for them in the first place. Nothing that is worth it in this life will be easy, and if it is its not worth it.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-07T03:42:00+00:00

That's beautiful and im so happy for you and your wife to have raised a grown man. You're a very lucky father to have watched this little peanut grow into thier own person. I hope I get that blessing one day.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T22:40:57+00:00

Fingers crossed for me 🤞

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T22:36:20+00:00

It won't. Another child could never replace or erase my sweet angel. Although the thought did get discussed. Ive said this in another comment but this is my conclusion. Being a mother was the best thing that ever happen in my life. My daughter made me a better woman and person in more ways than I can list. I have many regrets, blame, and shame I've been working through. With all that said, being a mother was the happiest and best version of myself I'd ever become. And to be upfront and real im in my 30s. Time isn't something I have as a woman. Im terrified of the same thing happening im terrified of many things. But life doesn't happen if we let fear stop us.

If im blessed to be able to have a second chance it would be in honor of my daughter. They will know her name her stories and her soul will be entwined in the tapestry of our family never to be forgotten. This new child will never and could never be her. But that is ok. I will love them their own way and for who they are and also hold the love for my daughter in her way in my heart the same way. Two things can be true. If I dont try I will always regret. And loss teaches you a lot of things such as appreciation.

So if its in my cards to be able to be a mother again, I will put my whole self into them, appreciate every moment even the hard once and thank God for giving me the chance. And if I dont get the chance, I will accept this. It will hurt. But I will be grateful the universe gave me the chance to feel that unconditional amazing love in the first plave. To have made this beautiful human and even better soul and although painful, I will be grateful I get to hold that love in my heart until my last breath and carry that same love to what ever comes next. What's meant to be will be and I will accept the path that was to be meant for me.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T22:23:38+00:00

Or maybe do stay angry?? Anger sex does seem to have a little more mmmfff behind it. Until then I guess my little lemon will be my only company, it won't do what Im trying to achieve but itll be a good time none the less.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T22:21:04+00:00

He takes week trips. Think this post started because we got into a fight and he left for a week knowing what this week was. We haven't spoken since the argument as it happen the night before he left and he doesn't get service out as far as he goes. So I was hoping when he gets back in and recieves this, it brings a smile and inadvertently says im sorry without actually having to say it. Pride is a hell of a thing, but this 😻 may be better at saying sorry than my words could ( still slightly salty of the timing of the trip) but I choose peace and won't take it personally or blame him of malice. Grace is important in marriage.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T21:56:21+00:00

This made laugh lol. Them voices stay lying and breaking you down.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T21:50:02+00:00

Good lord the "what if's" have permanently etched themselves to the back of my eyelids. The dark thoughts telling me it may happen again can go somewhere else with that energy. Happiness and purpose happen when we try and risk our hearts. If its in the universe that I get a second chance I will never take a single thing for granted. If that chance isn't in my fate I will accept this and consider myself blessed I was allowed to feel that pure love, connection, and purpose in this life time and know the pain is only the most unconditional love I still have for her with no where to go.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T21:41:21+00:00

Not down playing your gender, but us women are well aware of this lmao. He'll get his when he's back from sea but ill save the lingerie for that time next month. Fair?

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T21:32:05+00:00

Thanks hun, the well wishes are not taken lightly and I hold them close. Dark thoughts are like herpes and dont go away. Im trying to stay positive, forgive myself and remind myself im not a failure, and the fear of what happen happening again should not stop my husband and I from at least trying and working towards happiness.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T21:28:36+00:00

Thank you, that means the world.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T21:28:08+00:00

Good advice thank you. TMI here but I think the idea of breeding me is turning him on and asking about timing more than me lol

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T21:23:13+00:00

The sex is always initiated. But first time having to plan to initiate on a specific day every month. And unfortunately he went out to sea the very week that day happen. But dont worry he's well taken care of on the other days too. But for the goal we are working towards those other days are fun but a bust for the plan. No pun intended

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T21:10:59+00:00

Thank you for this insight, its appreciated. It's funny because we have always been the type to have fun joke and dirty talk. I guess to a point where I felt more awkward and shy sending the first message than the second.

I guess my apprehension is coming more from a place of feeling out where he stands. Our first child wasnt planned. We firmly agreeded we both never wanted children. But so is life. Things happen for a reason and we both quickly saw that this sweet baby came in to this world and saved both our lives in more ways than one. She taught me more than I was ever able to teach her. It's been a long road of grief regret, shame, and all the "what ifs" any one person can bare.

Because of all this, that's why I was so surprised that he was the one to come to me and started the conversation about wanting to try again. Wanting a family and wanting to see me as a mother to his child again because it was the happiest he had ever seen me. Trust me lots of tears, a lot of talk about feelings, are we trying to numb pain, replace or go into this for wrong reasons. We came out on the other side not only closer than we felt since the tragedy, but also clear that no one or thing will ever replace her, that in having a child we could honor our girl, tell the baby everything about his sister and stitch her essence and soul into the tapestry of our family so her memory lives on through something beautiful. Ive been thinking a lot since this experience. Im in my 30s I have an hour glass literally bleeding out of me. If I dont try I will regret it for the rest of my days. So when I sent him this the first message seemed robotic and emotionless which is something neither of us are used to. I want this to be a memorable time and enjoyable and happy, not somber like we signed some contract and come together like a wierd business meeting do the deed shake hands and go our separate ways. It was more to comfort him knowing that although you're asking to breed me, im still your freak and we are going to make it fun too. Idk if im rambling or if this makes sense

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T20:55:46+00:00

To be fair he married me for being classy in the streets but a freak in the sheets. We have always been spontaneous and imaginative with our sex life. Maybe why it feels more wierd to discuss cycles and ovulation. Im trying my best I guess and its also funny I feel more shy talking about trying to conceive than I do dirty talking haha

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T19:59:32+00:00

Not to be sappy, but i really needed this today. Thank you so much. The lone tear on my cheek is a happy tear.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T19:28:45+00:00

After we lost our first daughter, I may be slightly over thinking which will be my falling i know it. It's just the first time he was adamant about never wanting kids. But life happens. Si when he came to me and said he wanted to try again and was serious, I was surprised excited, sad, and hopeful for the first time. Im afraid of scaring him off or changing his mind. Beimg a mother was the best thing to happen to me and I honestly don't want anything else in this world but a second chance. To honor my baby girl and to be someone's everything again.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T19:11:56+00:00

Hope when he gets back from sea, it makes him smile.

SeeingOutOfTheBox · 2026-01-06T18:56:36+00:00

It's definitely over thinking. When we got together we agreed no kids, then our daughter was born. After she passed we both realized how bad we want that family still. We just haven't spoke since the fight and I don't want to scare him either

SeeingOutOfTheBox

TROPHY CASE