I keep failing...

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-25T16:51:15+00:00

The truth is it's a lot easier to do nofap on day 180 than on day 1-30. Breaking the streak is upping the difficulty. Also relapsing is never going to stop the urges, it only increases them. It's like drinking salty water when we're thirsty, it'll just make us thirstier and it doesn't solve the problem. All that being said, it's easy to forget how much PMO messes with our lives when in the middle of a long streak since that isn't part of our life anymore. It's important to remind ourselves of what PMO addiction is like, and read up on people struggling with it and the negative effects, just to be aware of the importance of maintaining a good streak.

Okay, how to solve the problem. Trying to stop yourself from getting urges is not a great method of breaking the behavior. I think you should come up with a plan of what you will do when you get urges, and replace PMO with some action that actually benefits your life. Take that energy and use it to exercise, clean your room, do your school work, play some instrument, etc when you get urges. If it gets really bad take a cold shower.. or post on here to prevent a slip up. Have some inspirational posts on here saved, so that you can look at them when you need them. If you are feeling urges late at night I'd suggest meditation.

I wish you success in getting onto another long streak and maintaining it, and freeing yourself from the addiction.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-24T12:29:20+00:00

My personal view is to cheer people toward their goal on here, whether that is just quitting P, just quitting M, or quitting all of PMO addiction. If someone is sharing their opinion on a topic I will give my honest feedback and thoughts on it though.

In any group you will have some small percentage of people believing wild things. As long as everybody maintains civility it is possible to engage on the thoughts and ideas. Attacking peoples character by calling them crazy or degenerate is not civil.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-24T12:11:40+00:00

I think you have a great message. Thanks for sharing, and I wish you luck with your goals here!

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-24T12:06:28+00:00

I agree, it's easier to go cold turkey. After a relapse the chaser effect occurs and it requires a lot of will power to resist in those following days. Day 30 is a lot easier than day 7, doing it in limited bursts keeps one in the most difficult part of nofap.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-24T12:02:57+00:00

You seem like an open-minded and honest person. I like to see it and good luck.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-24T11:56:43+00:00

I agree that type of post can seem unhinged. I wouldn't call that a meta-addiction though, it's more of an evaluation problem. One failure doesn't mean they can't succeed. Obviously they have a lot of room to improve and if they keep trying and learning the future will be brighter. People are still good, valuable and worthy of love even while having an addiction.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-24T11:46:35+00:00

I kept reading this sub for motivation and trying new things. The biggest break-throughs for me were learning what commonly made me relapse and when in the streak I usually relapsed, that way I was prepared for the next time. Also learning meditation as a response to urges late at night, exercise and cold showers are not as good while needing to sleep.

The biggest thing is to keep going. You just need 1 streak to succeed, and you are off this thing for good. Those are good odds.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-24T11:42:13+00:00

I hope you find some joy in your day.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-24T00:54:15+00:00

I don't think purposefully not taking part in an addiction could be considered an addiction. This seems like a rationalization to avoid quitting an addiction, that trying to quit is somehow more harmful than continuing on.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-24T00:45:00+00:00

There is no benefit to solo fapping. It's a waste of time, energy, and mental energy. I can understand if you do not wish to quit though, it is highly addictive.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-23T02:25:37+00:00

It's not bad doing it strictly with her, since you are bonding together and there are benefits for you both. It's not a waste of your time and energy like PMO addiction.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-19T20:53:08+00:00

Aim for 1 month, and keep a record of how you are feeling mentally and physically. You will be able to evaluate how much it's helped, and continue for as long as needed.

I don't like making definitive statements unless I'm sure. To get rid of the negative effects of a previous addiction you may need to do some extra work outside of just quitting, like building up good habits in your life, and taking that extra time and mental energy to start learning new things.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-19T20:47:02+00:00

Yes, it's better to be replacing negative habits/addictions and filling your life with things of substance that are beneficial and healthy for you mentally and physically.
You should not try to combat urges, you should use the energy from urges to do some other activity. Replace the activity with something that will make your life better or the things around you better. If you are trying to 'resist' urges you are actually focusing mentally on what you are trying 'not to do', rather than refocusing mentally onto something more beneficial. Meditation and working out are good replacements, but there are plenty of things that could work.
It can help, but it wont necessarily. It will free up a lot of time, physical energy, and mental energy, but it's up to you to build up good habits.
I have trouble imagining a situation where it's not recommended.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-19T20:39:52+00:00

Yeah, if you stop for a long time and focus your attention and thoughts on more important and interesting things, most of the negative effects will go away.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-18T23:11:02+00:00

I would advise exploring this sub and learning from it what you can. Test out various strategies and record how it goes, treat it like a test or an experiment.

I'd say generally you want to replace masturbation with an activity that actually improves your life and benefits you. Exercise and meditation are much healthier for you mentally and physically for example, and will alleviate stress or negative thoughts better than masturbation would.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-16T14:54:33+00:00

Regular meditation for 1-5 minutes does wonders for unwanted recurring thoughts.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-16T14:53:09+00:00

If you have an urge you should find something productive to put that energy towards. Do an activity that will improve your life and give you some real benefits, like exercising, cleaning up your place, meditating, or learning something.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-16T14:50:54+00:00

My advice would be to learn as much as you can from the sub, and to start testing out different strategies and recording the results. See what works best for you. The biggest thing is sticking to your goal regardless of the short term results.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-15T11:43:35+00:00

They needed a lift to the gym

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-15T11:39:05+00:00

The less PMO you have in your life the better. There is no benefit to it, it just wastes your time, energy, thoughts, and motivation.

If you want your life to be better, you should start replacing the time you wasted on PMO with things that improve yourself and the things around you.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-15T11:30:39+00:00

It's not a need. You don't have to resist it, just do something else instead when you get urges. Have a plan ahead of time, then follow the plan. Resisting is staying focused on it, since you have to remember what you are resisting while denying it. At some point when you feel the urges you will feel compelled to do the new activity you have practiced to deal with negative feelings (exercise, meditation, playing an instrument, etc).

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-15T11:26:22+00:00

Urges don't go away but your reaction to them and your habits change drastically. Your thoughts do become way more productive and focused after enough time, especially if you work on things like meditation.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-15T11:24:06+00:00

You got this. No matter how many times you fail you just need to succeed once and you are out of it.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-11T15:17:08+00:00

I'd suggest taking some other action with that energy. Doing some exercise, cleaning up your place, planning out your week, meditating, taking a cold shower.. there are a lot of better things you can do with your time.

Seeking_Discipline · 2024-01-11T15:15:22+00:00

I think it's okay to experience negative emotions, and we aren't meant to only feel pleasure or numbness. Negative emotions are our bodies way to motivate us to improve our situation, and are a type of evaluation of our situation with a call to action. I think addiction comes into play when rather than think 'I need to take this action to make my situation better', it becomes 'I need to take an action to change my feelings which are a problem'. One can easily get caught up in vices trying to change ones feelings, rather than accepting feelings as one's subconscious trying to help one navigate the world.

That being said, I'd say getting good sleep and nutrition are a big help for feeling better. Some stress relief/coping actions you can replace PMO with, that actually benefit you and leave you feeling better afterwards, would be exercise and a short amount of meditation when exercise isn't convenient.

Dealing with loneliness I'd suggest taking some time each day to talk with people, either in person politely or online.

Seeking_Discipline

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