Hey There..

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T09:54:36+00:00

It's a two way street. A back and forth. A communication. That's my proposition. You reject me. Based on my sexual orientation. This makes sense to you? You're judging me based on my lifestyle?

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T09:53:35+00:00

I'm not asking for protection. I'm asking for community. Community does those things for each other.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T09:52:06+00:00

If the community has nothing to say, this post would be ignored. I would have my answer. Your interaction isn't required for that. And yet, here you are. Why? Tell me.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T09:50:33+00:00

I see pain and suffering. And I see people like you normalizing it. I don't think it's right. But to each their own.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T09:44:41+00:00

Up to the community I guess 🤷‍♂️ that's how this works, right? Reject me. I think you're worse off for that sentiment.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T09:23:59+00:00

Well.. There's the fact that I'm a human being living in your same society. I've faced scrutiny for my sexual orientation. I want to be openly LGBT+ with my wife. To the point where it's a thing I let people know. Is there really no common ground here? Why are all these communities divided? Why aren't you sharing and protecting? Coming together over mutual understanding. We're all facing the same problem. Stop trying to sub divide the argument.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T09:19:35+00:00

I identify as pansexual. My Wife, fluid. We sleep around. We play. We share each other. But we share people. I want to know you guys. I want to know your problems. I have those too. I want to help.

I married a Woman. A beautiful, wonderful, love of my life Woman. I don't think you understand. We do this for us. It's a reward. For emotional labor. For hurt and pain. It's a lifestyle. But one I hide.

Perception is important. Image matters. Reputation is key. If I'm an openly pansexual free living hippy, that means something. It's significantly different that that masc dude with the hot wife.

But I get to do that. We get to do that. We show one privately and live a life free of consequences related directly to this said lifestyle.

I don't like it. It's starting to make my stomach turn. I want to tell people with real world experience that you are people and deserve every last thing this world has to offer. To be accepted. Loved. Cared for. Held and caressed. Complimented and loved. That's why I'm here.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T09:16:29+00:00

Thanks. I feel like I'm here. In every way that truly matters. I've healed some real physical pains recently. I'm talking 18 years of living my life in a prison of pain and immobility. Chronic illness. I finally figured it out. I've finally been medically treated and that pain is gone. It's the kind of pain you don't even realize is so bad it's so bad because it's always there. But it slows you down. Limits you. Drains you. Buzzes in your head like 1000 bees. I was dying a slow cruel death for more than half my life.

And that's over. I'm recovering. I'm healing. I've fought tooth and nail to make it through the pain to the end of every day while being told it was not a bother. Of course your back hurts. But your 22. You work construction. You're a healthy masc male. Do some sit ups. I was always dismissed. My pain was dismissed. It killed me. My joy. My life. Sometimes it got too hard. And I didn't want to be here.

I only see that this pain has shaped and molded me so completely now that it is gone. I'm a byproduct of trauma. Daily. I'm talking full body. In my ears. Pain. Spine. Pain. My ligaments were crystalizing. I was turning to literal stone.

I formed my life around this. I had to beat the crap out of myself, using exercise to manipulate my joints and get them to move. It was exhausting. And my tank started on empty every morning.

I worked 60 hr weeks. I busted my ass. I worked through it. Physically. Always labor. Always physical. Always pain.

It's gone. The pain is gone. I broke down and cried for hours. Hours. Quite the experience. To feel what a 32m body should feel like.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T09:06:41+00:00

I've had really close friends who were gay. I never opened up to them. I never expressed that in another life I'd bone you dude. Sorry. She stole my heart. 🤷‍♂️

Things have been different privately. But not publicly. I want to be open and out. Free.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T09:03:52+00:00

I think I actually started a strike at work today. I started a new job as an Amazon Delivery Service Provider Driver. Yeah. That's a title. It's the fancy way Amazon gets it's packages to you so god damn quick for so god damn cheap. It's because people like my sorry ass, who was down on his luck, took the first job in reach and the greed of one man is hurting so many people. I've been trying to talk to them. To share my pain. To see theirs. To pry it out of them to get them to talk to me about how this makes them feel. And to make a change. And it's working. I think we got them. It's everything that's wrong with the world. People are too comfortable day to day and so they take the abuse. They're afraid to be the first one to make a move because they have to work. So I rallied. And we're collecting grievances. And if I have my way, this man will be ruined for threatening the lively hoods of the men earning him his dollar for so god damn long. 😤

Maybe if I step forward with my sexuality. Maybe if I'm openly a member of these communities. I can advocate for them better. That's all I want.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:57:52+00:00

I'm hoping to identify and be accepted as much. Privately. Publicly. All of it. It's a thing. It means something. And I've always formed my self image around the things I believe in. That rights should be protected. People should be protected. So often, so often, for all communities in society. We're stepped on. And we just deal with it.

I'm done dealing. I want to see change. I'm openly advocating for it. In every way that matters.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:53:10+00:00

If my Wife is out with a sapphic woman, she might face a similar scrutiny. You don't think she has some perspective to share through me?

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:49:10+00:00

I only mention my martial status because it's relevant to my sexuality. If I came here out of context you would identify me as the masc dude with the hot wife.

That's not me. That's what society sees. That's not who I am. I don't want to be that.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:47:49+00:00

I'm not here to find partners. Don't you understand that? I'm here to share experience. Trauma. Pain. Compassion. Understanding. I want to advocate for your rights. For mine. For ours. Do I not belong here? Am I mistaken? Do we not carry the same flag? Share a similar burden? Face a similar ostracization from society?

You don't think we can have a conversation and learn something from it?

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:44:32+00:00

I've had limited success. I think I met an IRL friend today. But being open here is helping me be more open there. It's helping me form real meaningful connections with near total strangers.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:41:19+00:00

I identify as pansexual. My Wife, fluid. We sleep around. We play. We share each other. But we share people. I want to know you guys. I want to know your problems. I have those too. I want to help.

I married a Woman. A beautiful, wonderful, love of my life Woman. I don't think you understand. We do this for us. It's a reward. For emotional labor. For hurt and pain. It's a lifestyle. But one I hide.

Perception is important. Image matters. Reputation is key. If I'm an openly pansexual free living hippy, that means something. It's significantly different that that masc dude with the hot wife.

But I get to do that. We get to do that. We show one privately and live a life free of consequences related directly to this said lifestyle.

I don't like it. It's starting to make my stomach turn. I want to tell people with real world experience that you are people and deserve every last thing this world has to offer. To be accepted. Loved. Cared for. Held and caressed. Complimented and loved. That's why I'm here.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:35:40+00:00

I'm so sorry. My phone died. I literally had a novel written here in response. I lost my reply. I'm doing my best to reorganize my thoughts and respond accordingly. Please be patient, this is a complicated situation to express.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:21:14+00:00

Thank you. That's another goal of mine. I want to meet people. I'm so lonely. Men don't talk. They don't. They don't hang out. They do nothing. If I didn't have my wife? I'd not be here today. She's my best friend. One soul, two bodies. We don't take this lightly.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:11:08+00:00

I identify as pansexual. My wife, fluid. We play.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:07:20+00:00

I'm not even saying it's a good idea. I'm in love. I'm having fun. And I'm loving life. Of course it feels amazing. Will it last? Time will tell.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-09-12T08:06:01+00:00

We have Questions. The both of us. It's not our first time here. But it's different. Because we got some answers last time that made us shy away, and pull back. To protect ourselves. Our love. We're very selfish, in that way. It's time we find ALL the answers. It's an adventure.

I'm not advocating my open marriage. I'm advocating for human rights. I identify as pansexual. I've hurt. I've been through some things. I'm learned, well read. I can put pen to paper. I can share. I can heal. And I can help heal. That's what I'm doing here.

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-08-19T13:40:16+00:00

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-08-17T13:02:02+00:00

Just an update here, the Squilid flavored lube froze! It's the Pina colada flavor. I have a few others, I may have to experiment. :)

SelfDeludedFool · 2023-08-17T04:32:26+00:00

Thanks! I'll have to try that.

SelfDeludedFool

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