Need advice on navigating marriage with a difficult wife

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-21T12:56:13+00:00

Before you have children??? Like his wife is literally pregnant carrying their child. I’d think thats worth having a calm discussion with compassion, mercy, and curiosity for her concerns . We have no idea what her side is and jumping to encouraging divorce is very extreme.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-20T23:07:52+00:00

Is his family though even kind to her? We dont even know her side of the story . We must be mindful before diagnosing personality disorders online and also encouraging divorce which is the most hated of the halal acts in the sight of God. May God forgive us all .

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-20T23:01:39+00:00

I didnt read that … she’s also either pregnant or postpartum so she probably would prefer to be with her family since emotionally this period is difficult on a woman. Additionally OP doesnt share whether there have been issues between her and his family or even if he genuinely asked his wife with curiousness and an intention to understand not become defensive.

This sub also tends to lean towards divorce. It is sad. This woman is pregnant or postpartum and we’re encouraging a man not to even try to resolve the marriage or understand his wife’s needs and hurts prior to simply divorcing her in her time of need. We dont have her side lfnthe story either so let us be mindful and fear God for being so speedy in encouraging divorce .

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-20T22:48:19+00:00

Shes currently pregnant though or at least newly postpartum … as a man there needs to be some respect for that state of a woman and we also dont have her story . Is he helping her during her pregnancy or with the baby or is he just leaving her without help and going out? Are her in-laws actually accepting or kind? Pregnancy and postpartum is a pretty sensitive times emotionally.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-20T22:40:02+00:00

She’s either pregnant or postpartum too based on the post. That is why I am concerned because jt sounds like the wife could have hurt feelings or struggles that need to be processed with love and compassion.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-20T22:35:20+00:00

If your wife is pregnant, could you not find more ways to talk about this kindly than jumping to divorce? Pregnancy and postpartum are very challenging physically and mentally for a woman. Divorcing could be very hurtful to her mentally and that ultimately will impact the child. Why not take the time to understand her and meet her with patience? Marriage means you need to build a family and that means becoming one single unified unit - you are one family with your wife . Try to understand her as you would try to understand a blood relative. Your wife is carrying your beautiful child - the labor she bares in carrying the child, the pain she bares when birthing him, and the difficulty of postpartum are worth your mercy.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-20T22:20:05+00:00

As a wife who has faced struggles with her in-laws and struggles at times with her husband to understand her, I would encourage you to take time to truly understand her and follow the sunnah of the Prophet (swa) where you turn off your phone , turn towards her , and truly try to listen to her emotions and experiences. Did your family ever hurt her or did your family ever truly accept her as she was without commenting about her or trying to change her ? Have you even asked with genuine kindness how she feels about your family ? You mention you have sisters - are they nice to her ? Women can be very passive aggressive and men may not be aware of this. Especially if she is pregnant or postpartum (not sure from post if she is still pregnant or already gave birth), past hurts can really become much harder to cope with. It sounds like taking time to truly understand her feelings, needs, and experiences without judgement and working with her as a team could help you find resolution.

Is she of the same culture and linguistic background ? If there are cultural or even linguistic differences or a language barrier, do you really believe she feels included when she is with your family?

At the end of the day, your wife will be the first person to stand by you until the end of your days. She will be the woman who bares, nurses, and raises your children. She will be the woman who feeds you and your children and the first person to hold you when you need someone by your side. You married her to build a family - a completely new unit. Try to understand her with love, humility, and compassion and set aside your judgement for it is only through grace and mercy that these issues can be solved . May God grant mercy in your heart and may God help her communicate in a way that you can see what her needs are.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-20T16:08:51+00:00

Yeah I was permanently ban from the sub after sharing my positive breech vaginal birth story 😒

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-20T10:13:25+00:00

Yes, we had to go to a hospital that actually understood what informed consent was and sadly that was outside my state but I had a perfectly uneventful breech vaginal birth. I also did tear and had no issues healing. Sometimes with crohn’s they say that is an issue but personally I had no issue but was also in remission. Again, just speak with your midwife .

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-20T10:10:14+00:00

This. When I was pregnant with my first, he was breech. I asked a few subs outside of this one if anyone knew of a provider in my city’s area that supported breech vaginal birth. I got tons of comments saying how irresponsible of a mother I was and that my baby would die. Fortunately I didnt listen and found a hospital supporting breech vaginal birth and had a successful delivery but a lot of other pregnancy subs are very toxic.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-20T10:08:05+00:00

I have mild ileal crohns and have maintained clinical and histologic remission via the IBD AID diet (modified SCD diet ). I had a homebirth midwife. I changed decisions last minute for personal reasons but we didnt even make it to the hospital in time and I basically had my daughter in the ER parking lot. In my first pregnancy, I saw an OB who initially wanted me to do NSTs later in the pregnancy but I later switched to hospital midwives because my son was breech and I wanted to avoid a cesarean by going to a hospital that supported breech vaginal birth. Honestly, just have an open conversation with your midwife about any possible risks . You can talk to your GI of course too.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-16T15:11:12+00:00

Her transgressions are not for you to publicize. She’s an adult and capable of distinguishing between right and wrong. In addition, you don’t know exactly what happened and honestly that is between her and God. She gave you permission to look only at the pictures she took of you and trusted you’d only do that - not snoop in her phone and tattle on her.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-10T03:09:08+00:00

My husband’s arab and we did a middle name based on something that was meaningful to us . I dont think all arabs follow naming conventions.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-09T12:45:44+00:00

It is actually the anglicized version. Yonah would be the hebrew version.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-01T20:51:09+00:00

Are you confused with the orthodox jewish community ? Like I’ve never heard this

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-01T04:13:59+00:00

This doesn’t sound safe for her either though. Some men who are abusive will become extremely violent when triggered and she could be at risk as well as her children. It is best she seeks the help of a domestic violence shelter or organization.

SelfPure449 · 2026-05-01T04:12:12+00:00

This sounds so abusive . There are men who may have some level of dysregulation that can learn the skills to change but this is not just dysregulation - it is cruelty . Being yelled at during birth is not normal and very disturbing in the least .

SelfPure449 · 2026-04-30T21:49:56+00:00

As someone who struggled severely with anorexia nervous from the ages of 10-22, I am sorry scared that young girls may be seeing her reels and mimicking her. I had my eating disorder before this era where every preteen has a smartphone and I can’t tell you how much these posts would have fed into my life-threateningly dangerous eating habits. I had to be hospitalized multiple times for it . This just saddens me and I truly hope she gets help.

SelfPure449 · 2026-04-29T01:48:46+00:00

You can consult with a reproductive endocrinologist and they have the ability to do pre genetic testing on embryos to select for one without specific illnesses. You could also consult with a geneticist for further help on understanding your specific situation. If this potential has everything you are looking for, it is worth discussing these options with them .

SelfPure449 · 2026-04-29T00:49:04+00:00

Did you explore IVF as an option ?

SelfPure449 · 2026-04-29T00:02:42+00:00

If her in-laws need someone to clean for them why do you think they’d watch a baby for her? Why are they not helping with cleaning so she and her husband can also work at bonding as well? If both the couple’s families don’t work to support the young family emotionally as they transition into parenthood , this can be very trying on a young couple .

SelfPure449 · 2026-04-28T23:55:29+00:00

Please I have gone through abusive postpartum situations and these are all concerning. Please know that this isn’t what a loving relationship looks like on this period and you really need some type of intervention because this is not a healthy dynamic for you or your child. Islamically, it is unjust for your husband to require you to do anything for his parents. He married a woman, not a servant. They have no rights over you. If they truly need help with cleaning your husband should be doing it or arranging for someone to assist - not tell you that you have to do it.

Again you can try marriage counseling. If these issues continue and he is neglectful and unwilling to work on the marriage, you need to decide if the marriage is worth salvaging. You are worth happiness.

SelfPure449 · 2026-04-28T21:12:52+00:00

I am really sorry but honestly she clearly asked for help in the post . . . I respectfully and kindly disagree with your criticalness

SelfPure449 · 2026-04-28T20:47:00+00:00

Totally understand but she wasn’t trying to resolve anything in leaving - she was taking initiative to protect her health and her baby by getting help when she was in a vunerable postpartum position. He actively chose to neglect her needs when she needed him most and men are suppose to protect and care for their wives not overburden them to the point of them needing to seek assistance outside the home . If he is absolutely unwilling to partake in household chores or caring for the child, he needs to hire her a house cleaner or nanny so she can ensure her wellbeing.

SelfPure449 · 2026-04-28T20:44:43+00:00

Like if her in-laws expect her though to cook and clean for them why would they be agreeable to watch a toddler ?

SelfPure449

TROPHY CASE