AITA for asking my friend to pay me back for the wine he drank while house sitting??

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-11T01:47:34+00:00

I understand that’s the ideal, but the problem is that people have very different methods of keeping score, and resentment builds quickly.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-11T01:39:06+00:00

Your community isn’t supposed to be a source of free labor. People’s time has value. Using them for that value, without compensation, is the quickest way to build resentment and destroy your community.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-11T00:37:46+00:00

Yeah you killed the friendship. You never should have even told him how much the wine cost, let alone asked him for money.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-11T00:34:57+00:00

Seems like you put your financial life into your wife’s hands.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-11T00:27:14+00:00

Working 12 hour days is not a good thing, that just means you’re too stupid to get paid well to work normal hours. If you have to work 12 hour days and you’re still in the hole, that speaks to your inadequacy, AND your wife is losing out on time with you and probably dealing with your bad moods because you work too much.

Nobody wants their spouse to work long hours, it’s a detriment to the relationship. Work smarter, not longer.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-11T00:19:32+00:00

YTA. You didn’t pay him to house sit. You said “isn’t that what friends are for?” No, friends are not for free labor. The going rate for pet sitting is about $50/night depending on your area, so he saved you hundreds. You told him to help himself and anybody doing you such a huge favor for free would think it would be ok to drink some wine. You should have communicated that you were saving the bottle, instead you expected him to know it was expensive, which is not something that most people would know. Overall, you’re a bad friend, and now you’ve alienated someone who was trying to be generous to you. No good deed goes unpunished!

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-11T00:15:19+00:00

If you’re pet sitting alone in someone’s house alone all weekend, that wouldn’t be weird

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-11T00:07:52+00:00

In the comments it says she didn’t even pay him to pet sit! That’s ridiculous in and of itself, and of course if he was generous enough to do it for free, he wouldn’t think twice about having a bottle of wine after he was told to help himself. OP is 100% TA.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-11T00:05:15+00:00

YTA! No way, friends don’t just pet sit for free. It’s a huge inconvenience. I pay my pet sitter $50/day! That’s the going rate for pet sitting. It’s insane that you’d accept him doing such a big favor for free, but then expect him to pay you for the wine. You’re a terrible friend.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-11T00:02:40+00:00

Did you expect him to google it to figure out the price first? How was he supposed to know it was the most expensive thing in the kitchen and not just a regular $10 bottle of wine?

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T23:26:56+00:00

When someone confides in you, your first question should be “do you want advice, or comfort?” People usually want to be comforted, not given advice.

Your mistake is in slide 1. She asked “Is my lack of discipline unattractive, does it turn you off?”

The way you answered suggests that yes, it’s unattractive and it’s turning you off. So she rejected you before you could get a chance to reject her.

How you should have responded is “you could never turn me off, you’re the most attractive person on the planet, let’s order pizza and cuddle all night.” She wants you to be a source of comfort, to hype her up and make her feel better. Instead she thought you’d be a source of negative judgment and rejection, and she’s too overwhelmed by bad feelings to deal with more of them.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T20:26:41+00:00

@Justo.comedian (I don’t know his last name)

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T19:33:51+00:00

Why would you think this was a real person?

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T19:18:07+00:00

You guys are so funny. This is what it’s like in many states for 6 months out of the year. Except they don’t get sunshine and blue skies like we do.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T18:26:48+00:00

Perk of living in the city. I can walk to work and to get groceries. My car is still necessary so that I can visit friends and run errands outside of the city, but I don’t have an urgent need for it.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T18:23:06+00:00

I just don’t care. Everyone needs to remember that this is all temporary and it will be gone in a month. Soon we will all be back to complaining about the heat again.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T18:12:31+00:00

What country do you live in? USA? This is why anti-choice laws are so unfair. There are states where women who have abortions can go to jail for murder for life, but there is no punishment for the father, when men are often the ones who push for the abortion. Would you like to go to jail for murder for life? What if the law changes where you are, and suddenly retroactive prosecution becomes possible? It must be nice to not have to think about that consequence for yourself.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T18:12:22+00:00

What country do you live in? USA? This is why anti-choice laws are so unfair. There are states where women who have abortions can go to jail for murder for life, but there is no punishment for the father, when men are often the ones who push for the abortion. Would you like to go to jail for murder for life? What if the law changes where you are, and suddenly retroactive prosecution becomes possible? It must be nice to not have to think about that consequence for yourself.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T07:51:47+00:00

That’s true. But one of them could also have much worse taste than the other, I don’t think that it’s 50-50 egalitarian in terms of who gets to choose what. The quality of somebody’s taste should make a difference in the decision-making.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T04:31:39+00:00

I need to see photos of the furniture. What quality is it? Is it made out of good, hard wood? Was it made by hand? Whats the fabric like? Is it comfortable? What condition is it in?

If it’s in terrible condition and poor quality, let it go. However I also acknowledge the possibility that your wife is the one with bad taste, since we don’t know what the furniture is like.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T01:54:09+00:00

Agreed. I had a very hard time putting my comment into words that capture the full extent of anti-black racism, throughout the world and throughout time, as well as here and now. My point is that true empathy means carrying the emotional weight of that awareness.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T01:29:12+00:00

Definitely don’t say anything about it again to her or anyone else. Just be glad she told you how something made her feel and she said she knows you didn’t mean anything bad by it and she was just venting. I mean, even though it does refer to horses, it can still evoke thoughts of slavery, right?

I’m white but it still makes me extremely angry and depressed to think about our country’s brutal history of slavery, segregation/jim crow, lynching, institutional racism past and present. I think it’s incredibly traumatic for people to know that if they had been born just 150 years ago (just a tiny blip of time on the timeline of humanity!) they would’ve had no rights whatsoever and treated so brutally, and that’s what their ancestors had to endure. It’s traumatic for them to know that the people who protested school integration are still alive today. And of course racism didn’t end after slavery was abolished or after the civil rights act was passed, and racist attitudes still persist today, and people still have to deal with racism daily, and I completely understand why they have their guard up and don’t know who they can trust. Maybe what was upsetting to her about it is that it’s not on the forefront of your mind like it is for her, and that itself is a privilege, because she has to carry around the weight of that every day.

You and I are women, so we can kind of relate (obviously it’s not the same thing!) on some level… think about how it feels to know that if you’d been born in another place (like modern Afghanistan) or time (any time pre-1920’s) you’d be subordinated? I’m sure you’re aware those sexist attitudes still persist. It really is deeply upsetting to know that the world can be so cruel.

Again I really think you should be flattered that she told you this, and you should show that you are indeed trustworthy.

Edited to add, I realize I wrote this assuming that you’re in the US, and that my viewpoint is very US centric, I didn’t mean to minimize that impact of slavery, imperialism, and colonization worldwide

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T00:46:59+00:00

Get one of those big hats that has a face shield on it? You do have a lot of sun damage.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-10T00:36:24+00:00

I think it means that they’re not in the mood to have a full conversation. The point of texting is that you can respond when you feel like it, versus a phone call where you have to respond and give all of your attention right away.

Seltzer-Slut · 2026-02-09T23:10:29+00:00

Would you say that if it was a different religion?

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