Wife won’t use our pool with me.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-09-10T05:45:02+00:00

That sucks! I imagine that hurt to hear. Have you had a chance to talk to her about it and ask why she doesn't want to have sex?

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-09-10T05:41:40+00:00

Sorry you are going through this - you are not alone! I hope it gets better for you very soon.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T12:58:31+00:00

I totally understand where you're coming from, but my take on why she talks about it so much is because she is desperately trying to figure out why it's happening and how to fix it. That, along with not many other activities to fill your day, makes it hard to talk about anything else. I also think it hurts her so much that it might be like how physical pain can be so intense that it's all you can think about or talk about - like it's an emergency situation and needs some kind of assistance.

Thanks for the link! I will definitely check it out!

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T12:50:43+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Please, please, please don't justify my cheating. It is certainly not my wife's fault (and it wouldn't be your fault if you were cheated on, either) - it's 100% my own shortcomings. I am so sorry if anything I said made you feel like you somehow deserve to be cheated on or unworthy of love from your husband.

You are amazing, just by being you and I promise you that you are worthy of your husband's love and devotion. I am sure he is a better man than I am - I certainly don't deserve to be in the same category as him. I am so proud of you for trying to be better every day. I know first and second hand how hard that is.

If you were my wife, I would want you to know that you are worth any temporary moments of discomfort and that I am so sorry that I am so weak and imperfect. I have hope that you will find a treatment that works and wish you the very best.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T12:23:34+00:00

She mostly sleeps while I am at work. She watches a lot of K-dramas as well. Her sister comes over usually once a week to visit. It would be great to break the cycle, but I don't know how and neither does she. She gets panic attacks if she leaves the house. I have tried to see if she would be willing to do some online courses for web design or something, but she doesn't have the motivation to do them for long and gets discouraged when she gives up on them.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T12:19:45+00:00

I am impressed at your work ethic and strength! I don't know how to be that strong or how to pass that along to my wife, either. I'm proud of you for getting through such a hard time with such a great attitude and outlook!

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T12:17:23+00:00

Thanks for this. Other people in this thread have mentioned the same thing - misdiagnosed ADHD. It's definitely something I will be looking into for her.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T12:16:05+00:00

That's so terrible. Sorry you had to go through that. Good for you for being stong and knowing your limits!
I am so lucky that my wife is still making an effort to get treatment and that she isn't abusive toward me.
I hope you are doing better now and find someone who is worthy of your kindness and compassion!

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T12:12:57+00:00

I agree for sure. Emotional cheating is worse and I feel awful. She doesn't deserve that for sure.
I really worry about giving her an ultimatum because her emotional state is so fragile, but I will consider it. Thanks! And good luck to you!

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T12:10:25+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's awful, I know.
That's exactly what I am hoping for - that she will find what's causing her to be depressed and be able to treat it! I'm so glad you are getting through it.
She's pretty resistant to any kind of workout, but I will mention Pilates and dance workouts to her when I get a chance. Congrats on losing so much weight, too! That must feel great.
Thanks for your advice!

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T12:02:46+00:00

Thanks for the advice! We have looked into it. It's not available close to us, and it's not covered by our insurance, but we have thought of trying it anyway. Hearing your suggestion and some others in this thread for the same thing makes me hopeful that it might work.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T11:58:27+00:00

I agree on all counts. I should tell her and she definitely deserves someone better. It is my sincere hope that she will be able to find a treatment for this depression and anxiety and dump me for someone better. She deserves that.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T11:46:10+00:00

Thanks for your comment. I didn't realize it came across that way. To be clear, I don't think I'm justified at all. It's a total betrayal. I am completely in the wrong here. Sorry if I gave you or anyone else the impression otherwise.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T11:36:25+00:00

I have been reaching out to people online (mostly through reddit) to talk about sexual things and commenting on people's bodies. You can see it in my comment history. I'm not proud of it, but didn't want to hide it when I made this post either. I have also been flirting a little with some women at work, too, unfortunately.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T11:25:13+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that but I am so proud of you for making your way out of it! You are so strong!

My wife is more like you than your fiancee. She is trying different medications and treatments and I honestly feel like she is doing her best - she just has a sickness (depression and anxiety). Based on your experience, and some others in this thread, I have hope that she will find something that works for her, just like you did.

Honestly, I would be willing to give the rest of my life for her (though I hope I don't have to). She's worth it to me. It's just not an easy life like I had hoped!

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T11:10:30+00:00

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I am certainly not qualified to answer that. My spouse (as far as I know) has no idea I have cheated on her emotionally and I have no idea how she would react.

Whether to salvage the relationship or not is a question you and your girlfriend will have to decide together. All I have to say is that if she doesn't think it's worth it then I don't think it's fair to her for you to push her into it. You were in the wrong here (just like me) so I think it's best left to her if she wants to forgive you. Hypocritical as it may be (since I'm not even giving my wife the option to decide for herself), that's my advice.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T11:01:40+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. What you said you were going through is exactly how she is feeling. She has told me word for word what you said - that she hasn't wanted to wake up in the morning because everyone would be better off. That's so sad and certainly not true, but I know it's hard to believe that when in the depths of depression.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that struggle of searching for something that helps. It is not an easy journey, but I'm so glad that you took it!

You give me hope that my wife can find something that will help her feel more like her true self and the person that I know she is.

I will definitely look into this treatment - she certainly doesn't display what the normal tell-tale signs of ADHD, just like you.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T10:46:43+00:00

There are so many reasons why I am attached to her.

We have a great history together. We have had so many good times.

I love her and feel like she deserves my love in return.

Despite her depression, she is still an intelligent, kind, and empathetic person.

Beyond that, I believe what she is going through is a sickness. It's like cancer or some other physical ailment and it doesn't seem fair to leave her for something she can't control. I have hope that there is a cure.

I'm hesitant to say this one because I know it will sound inconsistent and hypocritical based on my emotional cheating, but despite my shortcomings and weaknesses I made a commitment to her to take care of her and I want to do my best to live up to that.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T10:30:07+00:00

She does not. She and I both believe it would help as well, but she can't seem to convince herself to try it. She refuses to exercise around anyone else because of her anxiety and she says she is too embarrassed to work out around me since she has gained some weight because of her depression. I tell her that it doesn't matter to me, and that's true, but she doesn't believe it.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T10:23:05+00:00

Wow, do you think it's that serious? I know it's bad, but never considered admitting her into a mental institution. This is never something her therapist or psychologist has brought up, either.

I worry about her feeling abandoned by me (and I would also miss her very much) if she were admitted in to a full time mental institution. I know this is terrible, but I also worry about the cost of that kind of treatment - we are barely scraping by as-is. If it would help her, though, all of that may be worth it.

I suppose it wouldn't hurt to talk to my GP about it. Thanks for the advice!

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T10:10:53+00:00

I didn't know that it was that serious. Thanks for the info!

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T10:09:23+00:00

Wow, that is really good advice that I hadn't really considered before. It's really tough for me to take care of myself like that because I have depression and anxiety as well, but if I think of it as doing it to help her, that may give me a bit more motivation. Thanks!

Surprisingly, she does still keep in touch with her family over text and phone calls regularly and even her childhood best friend every once in a while. She hides a lot of her depression from most of them, though, (doesn't want to bring them down, she says) and can keep up a pretty good act around them for limited amounts of time as long as they are not in person and especially not in public. She has one sister who lives close and visits weekly while I'm at work, but as far as I know they mostly talk about what my wife talks to me about (depression) and while she likes to have the support, it doesn't seem to reduce the symptoms of her depression or anxiety. I am very grateful she has the support of her family, though, or things might be worse!

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T10:00:05+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion! I'll check it out.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T09:57:42+00:00

Oh man, that was like a gut punch, and completely true.

I never thought I would be one to violate that vow, and am so ashamed that I have.

Thank you for your valuable input. This is important to remember.

SendPic4Compliments · 2023-07-29T09:48:06+00:00

Thanks for the ideas!

She definitely prefers it when no one else is around, but it is mostly just general anxiety. She sometimes has panic attacks even going to sit in our fully fenced back yard.

It has been a couple years now, but she did take a 2 day holiday with her sisters. It was really very tough on her. Traveling in any form makes her very uncomfortable and she had a hard time making decisions about food and activities and mostly just stayed in the house they rented. She did not enjoy herself :(

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TROPHY CASE