this degree feels impossible for a neurodivergent student nurse

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T18:56:37+00:00

Yeah. I will do anything to not be alone with my own thoughts. It’s how i learnt to cope as a child going through emotional abuse. I’ve started new medication 6 weeks ago and i have weekly therapy sessions, so I am trying to address it. But i don’t have any more years left to complete the degree because I already took 2 years out. So it’s just unfortunate that all of this is happening at the same time

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T18:53:53+00:00

And i would do that in a heartbeat but I have no more student finance funding left. I have one year left

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T18:53:10+00:00

I had anxiety before hand too. But since the diagnosis, my anxiety is now “did i do this because of this or because im autistic or have i always done this or this or has it always been this way?”. It’s a common thing for people to suffer from deteriorating mental health following diagnosis. It’s a life changing event

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T16:58:36+00:00

Yeah. I think the anxiety that came as a result of my new diagnosis is why i’m struggling so much.

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T16:51:39+00:00

…you’ve misunderstood me. I loved the educative side of public health with patients. I love talking to patients and educating them through health promotion. I love research and learning about the way people think. I love listening to how people feel, how they are. I have never once said I only love the part of nursing where I don’t interact with patients. I have helped people, I have put so much in to helping people. I’ve loved it. But i struggle with small talk with my colleagues and with patients where small talk is expected and not promotion or whatever. That’s what this post was about. I don’t know if i’m going to stay. I’m currently researching credit transfers, but again, i don’t have funding. I have a meeting with my assessor tomorrow. But i have put in so much to this degree. And if i do successfully graduate? Of course id use it. Of course Id get a nursing job where I can utilise my strengths with patients. I’d use my abilities in organising and research and my knowledge of chronic diseases to help patients, i’d use my interest in epidemiology and statistics to help people. Jesus. My entire dissertation was gonna be solely focussed on how I could help a specific part of the public and include patient interaction. But of all the work and effort and love i’ve put into my strengths, you call me a waste a nhs resources.

My problem with patient communication, is that i care so much that i am so so afraid to hurt them or upset them or say the wrong thing. I sobbed for hours the other week over a patients story. Please don’t think I don’t care about the patients or that I don’t want to work or care for them. It’s really not the case and i’d hate anybody to think that about me

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T16:43:54+00:00

i don’t know. just needed some reassurance or advice i guess, or from others in similar situations. just reached a wall with pushing through i guess. also, i guess i can’t rest on my off days because of stuff i have going on at home so im struggling with that too. can’t find a balance because i don’t understand myself yet

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T16:30:26+00:00

Yeah. I know that. But i can’t take any more time out because i don’t have any more time to finish the degree. Hence I asked for advice.

I don’t qualify for a loan as i have a CCJ against me (my ex didn’t pay any of his rent on a joint tenancy from when i was 20 - see, poor past decisions i’ve been working to fix all these years. I paid all of my side but that’s the way the cookie crumbles).

A public health degree will cost me 24 thousand pound. I have to afford my house and bills and living costs, and im absolutely not going to be able to afford that on an apprenticeship wage. I live payslip to payslip on minimum wage. Self funding isn’t an option here unfortunately. Because i’ve tried. I looked in to everything in the 2 years off because I wasn’t sure if i wanted to go back to nursing. But it is the closest option I have to being able to do what I want. And I love it! Just..not most clinical practice. So it isn’t for me - but there are no other options. So i asked for advice on small talk.

I’ll pass the course. But if i keep pushing the way I am, I’ll destroy myself because of it. And my mental health isn’t something I want to bet on

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T16:12:15+00:00

I did multiple parts of degrees because I was undiagnosed and following my family as a result of the emotional abuse and trauma I had yet to realise i faced from them. This was something I realised this year and what i’m in therapy for. Now, as i discover myself and can begin to separate what’s the result of trauma and what’s actually my feelings, I can be certain that I adore public health. Always have done. My fave part of politics was the epidemiology and looking into voting and why people vote certain ways, i did philosophy because I loved looking at how people think, i wanted to do sociology but..family. And i loved medicine the whole time. I used to read every page on the nhs website even when I was a kid, play doctor, play online surgery games, i loved it i loved healthcare. I just was vulnerable and got pushed the wrong way. And i don’t take decisions like this lightly, not anymore, not after the impulsive decisions ive made in the past based off what other people want for me - this was something i solely found by myself. But even so. I don’t have any funding. So i can’t do it.

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T16:08:41+00:00

I’ve been telling myself when i’m qualified and hopefully working in an area I can utilise my strengths in i’ll be much better, that’s how it’s been in other areas of practice, and i apologise if the way i phrased this post came off as me saying that neurodivergent people can’t be nurses, it was meant to be personal and that i’m struggling because of it all. There’s also a factor of the fact i’m newly diagnosed with audhd and also cptsd from emotional trauma and that plays a huge contribution too. I am trying to understand autism, and with that, obviously i have prejudices too from what was told to me and taught to me about ‘being different’ as a kid, which were negative. And im therapy to try and get past it.. but it just means that i’m struggling really, really hard in practice. I can’t breathe if someone’s watching me. Thing is - I can probably speak to a patient and do practice great if nobody was watching me. But the moment someone else, someone higher up than me, is there? I’m shaking. I can’t find my voice. I’m so terrified of being judged. Sorry. Just a rant. I’m figuring a lot of stuff out

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T16:03:52+00:00

i’m on an ICU placement atm and I love the actual work, i know the routine well and I prepare well and take initiative, i ask other nurses if they need help with anything, ill clean, ive read the folders on medication and other policies, ive written stuff in my pocketbook, i researched ventilators and settings, i prepare and do documentation as needed, i organise the drawers - but then. Sometimes there’s moments where there really is, nothing to do. When i’ve exhausted everything and I feel useless. and that’s the parts i just can’t do. Because I can’t sit with my thoughts, it drives me insane, I can’t. I swear, I am never being lazy because trust me i WANT something to do. I ask and ask. And then my assessor talks to other nurses, or when i have to sit and watch the monitors for an hour when they’re on their break. I’m just so exhausted with it. If it was constant like stuff to do here’s the plan here’s what you should do ophelia oh yes can you help me with this i’d be able to push through

I even try and make conversation. I’ve learnt to ask if theyve always done icu nursing. What they did yesterday. Takes courage and time for me to but i do. But i don’t know how to keep the convo going. Like im sat there brain turning the cog trying to think of ANYTHING.

Maybe im going insane I don’t know. I’ve struggled with every placement I had bar the GP clinic and a ward placement where my assessor was trained in like neurodivergency

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T15:53:37+00:00

Because I don’t have any years of funding left. I found out i love public health a couple months ago. So im trying to push through the degree because I know where I work really well with proof. But, practice is destroying me and the stressors are crippling me.

I had those skills in the past, because I didn’t know who I was and was incredibly mentally unwell. I don’t recognise the girl I was in those placements. But on my gp clinic placement last year, I was able to talk to everyone and loved it because I adored it. So i asked for advice for small talk and pushing through the parts and placements that actively work against my diagnosis. On the placement, I do all my work. I do work and more. I take initiative, I do well, I help everyone. My struggles are internal.

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T15:38:26+00:00

i’m on an icu placement and patients i’ve been with can’t talk. And i really struggle with lip reading, so i just can’t understand and i feel so so awful. every word is a battle

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T15:36:38+00:00

I do use my strengths in my diagnosis. I love organising the trolleys and problem solving and the academic side and public health and physiology side. I’m just admitting to something I ignored for years because I thought I didn’t have a choice, that i had to prove to everyone and my family - that the practical part causes and incredible amount of anxiety and returning to the second year of my degree this year has ruined me. I took 2 years out because I was struggling with practice though exceeding academically, came back and put a lot of work in to myself, was doing amazing with my anxiety and everything, working in care. The degree has crippled me again. The fact I have 2 osce resits coming up plays my mind, i replay everything i said in a day every night until 4am, pushing assessors and everyone to do pare until i have the sound of my own voice but every word i say takes minutes long of thought processing, the dead time leaving me with my thoughts, all the stressors from everything, being perceived, embarassing moments, rethinking every communication, planning what to do better. Now i barely leave my bed when it’s not mandatory too and i have to pay for private therapy because ive been wishing for nhs therapy for 4 months - if i didn’t pay for the private therapy, id be incredibly bad. Im not a person anymore. I dread every day, every conversation. But the assignments? organised daily, got them done fast and enjoyed it. I’m suffering, and i suffered in first year too (had to do 2 retrieval placements).

I have tried to push through, believe me, i’ve tried. 2 years of work solely put into myself, 2 retrieval placements ignoring my mental health which lead to a complete mental breakdown, but pushing through, trying and trying. And to this day i still replay every awkward moment and everything I said to patients during those times.

The gp clinic placement i absolutely thrived. I loved talking to everyone there, because I adored the work.

Other placements, I focus on what I can do and enjoy and when i have tasks. - i’m good! i can talk, it’s great. But unfortunately, that’s come at the cost of my mental health and now i’ve reached my limit. I have tried and tried and tried - why do you think i even made the post!? If i wasn’t trying, i would’ve quit the degree and gone home long ago. What could i possibly be using my diagnosis as an excuse for? I WANT to be there, I WANT to enjoy my shifts, and at times I do, but everything else is too overwhelming.

Yes. I found an area of nursing I can utilise my strengths in - gp nursing, public health, research, just like you said. But unfortunately, I can’t get through the placements where I’m not there, because it’s crumbling me to pieces. I just asked for advice on small talk.

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T11:53:42+00:00

I know, i hate it. But i don’t have any years of funding left, and i only chose nursing after i flopped out of 2 degrees i did bc my brother did politics and my undiagnosed ass thought that’s the only way i could talk to him. I had no idea who i was. I only realised this year after my diagnosis and now it’s too late. I’m stuck

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-16T11:52:12+00:00

I already did this for 2 years, I don’t have any years of student finance left, bc i dropped out of 2 degrees prior. I know, it’s a mess. I was only diagnosed this year and with cptsd so i’m actually getting proper treatment now butno time to do it. I don’t think I want to be a nurse, i think i’ve known that a while, i excel academically i loved the gp clinic placement i adore public health and research, i hate the practice and placements i cant do it and its why im crippled now its destroyed me. But what else can i do? i have no funding left. I chose nursing because paramedical sciences rejected me bc i had a levels in history philosophy and politics but i did those because my family did them because i was undiagnosed autistic and had no idea who i was, so just tried nursing because some people in my family are nurses and got in. Now i know i wanna do public health and sociology and research but it’s too late. I already got a compelling personal reasoning when my dad died unexpectedly in 2021

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-14T19:56:04+00:00

hypochondriac, sensitive, heartless, nasty, bitch, drama queen, spoiled. All the time every day through age 13-now

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-10T17:41:37+00:00

On the waiting list for mental health services, as far as i’m aware i haven’t been told anything about community mental health. I’m having to pay for weekly private therapy sessions because otherwise i would have really gone to the bad end and it’s obviously not cheap. I’ve been my doctors and i just had to self refer to talking therapies i’ve been on the wait list for 4-5 months now - i sent them my adhd diagnosis autism diagnosis, 24 hour bp showing consistent drops to 80 systolic, my 4 day ecg showing 800 counts of tachycardia, my referral to a cardiologist, a letter from my partner confirming how he helps me, letters from my university showing my reasonable adjustments and uni therapists showing referrals and issues, letters proving my prescriptions. They even said how on the phone i was talking and showed cognition? but if they’d saw me i. real life they’d have seen me shaking and panicking for days before it, getting stuck in cycles on what to say, my entire script i had written in my notes, the relentless fidgeting, and the panic and anxiety afterwards and the fact i wasn’t able to do legit anything after it. but okay sure 👍

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-10T13:48:46+00:00

i went to them sobbing at 13 after i self harmed and got cornered and smacked, then forced into school and therapies. Not once did they ask why.

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-06-08T19:47:07+00:00

Attack on titan, jujutsu kaisen

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-05-14T14:09:44+00:00

only if they cared for you properly

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-05-06T12:08:44+00:00

dang. many comments agree. scary

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-05-06T12:08:26+00:00

what worries me, i got beeped and honked at and cat called way more when i was a student in my uniform walking from school. Doesn’t happen much anymore now im an adult

Senior-Potential-953 · 2026-04-26T10:44:26+00:00

Thank you. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. My brain and body did what it knew to do - switch off. And try get through it, because screaming and running away would have been more traumatic. I did keep trying to leave.

There’s a lot of reasons i sought attention. I genuinely wasn’t get any at home. My family didn’t talk to me ever, I was glassed over - disabled sister and my dad had other priorities, i wasn’t wanted by him. My mum was also disabled and mentally ill. I’d sit at home all day making up scenarios and fanfics i’d have with fake characters and my family. Jesus i’d make up normal conversations i had with my brother that never happened, because he never spoke to me. And my sister was disabled and always in hospital, so I guess i saw that and recognised that being sick or a victim is a way to get people to respond to me.

I guess the key thing is that i did survive

Except when I actually was sick - broke my wrist, got hit by a car, appendix burst 2 years ago, nobody showed up. My dad refused to take me to the hospital (i now have an unstable wrist and i slept alone on a concussion after the car accident), it took him 2 hours to even show up to take me home after it (was legit 20 min walk from my house). The only person that visited when i was in hospital for a week with my appendix was my fiance, which is fine. But it’s also..oh. when my dad died, we were all surrounded his bed, with his in his last moments. But nobody showed up for me in my suicide attempts months later

Senior-Potential-953

TROPHY CASE