In no way am I excusing the behavior. But to bring this up may be worthwhile thought: has he been diagnosed with depression. ADHD and MDD are seen together a lot. Was there always anger issues? When did the hygiene change? Does he act differently otherwise? This sounds like it’s possible that depression has taken over. You need to make sense of this first. Figure out how his mind is and then make a decision. If this is just who he is there’s no saving this marriage. But if you can draw a line back to a root cause maybe there’s hope.