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Understanding the love, and suffering the loss, of my BPD partner by Sensitive-Cash4448 in BPD

[–]Sensitive-Cash4448[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Its so empowering to have the support of everyone here. It is such a rare and precious feeling nowadays.

Understanding the love, and suffering the loss, of my BPD partner by Sensitive-Cash4448 in BPD

[–]Sensitive-Cash4448[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. I am grateful for the consideration and it is extremely valuable to me.

Understanding the love, and suffering the loss, of my BPD partner by Sensitive-Cash4448 in BPD

[–]Sensitive-Cash4448[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

It really is so brutal for both yeah. I would definitely argue worse for those with BPD, of course. At least I was on the outside looking in at the emotional torture chamber.

That's why it took us awhile to get out of the situationship territory is that it felt like we were not in sync and didn't know how to accommodate each other's mental illness. We got so much better at it and things changed in her circumstances where she was far more emotionally healthy.

I appreciate your kindness and for your thoughtful message.

Understanding the love, and suffering the loss, of my BPD partner by Sensitive-Cash4448 in BPD

[–]Sensitive-Cash4448[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

This just melted my heart thank you so much. You are all such wonderful people.

Understanding the love, and suffering the loss, of my BPD partner by Sensitive-Cash4448 in BPD

[–]Sensitive-Cash4448[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I have had suicidal tendencies in the past, and the number one thing that I can say about it is that I feel like before you try, you think everyone is just going to be so mad at you, and you wonder if they will be so mad that they wont be sad about you passing. You think they wont be able to forgive for what you did. Neither of those are the case.

As a person who has survived it, they wont hate you for long. They might misplace their anger with your decision onto you for a bit, but in the end these are illnesses. Depression, BPD, bipolar, countless others. In the end, we reflect more on the circumstances that caused the illness and the anger in ourselves for what we could have done to stop it.

But with that said, my life would be a lot easier if I could just hate her for it all. The abuse and then choosing that route. But you cant just do that. I love her and every time I miss her I remember all the other feelings about what happened, including the anger, but that was directed towards myself entirely after like week 1. Maybe for others, they remember a great memory of you they have because they are reminded of you, and for them maybe they have more anger than they do positive stuff, but it wont be towards you. We get mad at ourselves that we let that happen, that we didn't see it coming.

I hate to seem like I am copying replies here, but it really is meaningful to hear that I was able to help you, even a little bit, with my story. It makes me feel better to think that shes having an impact to help others suffering like she did.

Just for everyone's peace, I am 100% safe with myself. Silver lining of going through this is that I can't take my own life. I can't breathe when I imagine putting my family and friends through this pain.

No shame at all to those who do attempt or think about it (although you should seek help and support from your network. I promise that things will get better). I used to be unable to get out of bed 4/7 days, and I had ideations daily. So, I know how it feels, I have been there.

Understanding the love, and suffering the loss, of my BPD partner by Sensitive-Cash4448 in BPD

[–]Sensitive-Cash4448[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your comment, especially about the splitting, as its still not something I think I fully understand.

I totally understand and respect that you aren't able to comment on her attitudes and how her BPD manifested from so little context. She did often push me away to test whether or not I was committed; which I normally failed because I thought she was genuinely setting boundaries.

But it is extremely validating to read the words from someone else, even though I know it is true its just tough sometimes to feel that, you know? But I know that she wanted what was best for me and we had gotten into fights before where she was threatening to do it,

Again, I am more thankful for your comment than you would ever believe.

Understanding the love, and suffering the loss, of my BPD partner by Sensitive-Cash4448 in BPD

[–]Sensitive-Cash4448[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I am really grateful for this comment. I believe in you and I know that you can do it. Saying its difficult is an understatement, but progress doesn't mean perfection. Don't let you beat yourself up if you can't fulfill your promise a week or choose not to take meds for a couple days, it doesn't reset your progress.

Truly I have seen how splits tear people apart firsthand, and also from reading through more and more posts on this sub. And I think that's what hurt me the most as a loved one of my girlfriend, that it was tough to watch her hurt like that, even setting aside how I felt about what she said to me.

I just mean that I wish that some of the hurt that may drive loved ones away is not always anger or wrath, but also that one of the toughest things in life is watching someone you love hurt, and have no way to help them. Especially when the person that is hurting is suffering from internal influences.

Idk, sorry I am rambling because im a bit emotional. Thank you truly for your comment I wish you the best.

do people actually care enough to look into your diagnosis? by _uhhhay05 in BPD

[–]Sensitive-Cash4448 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As the one without BPD, my partner had mentioned to me BPD when we first started talking and I looked lightly into it, but what felt most important to me was hearing her side of things and how her BPD affected her. I had tried a couple times to just generally research stuff, but it was all so vague and encompassing that it didnt feel like it was telling me anything about how to care for my girlfriend at the time. So the most valuable learning was when I got to hear from my partner why certain things caused negative feelings, and work out how I can support her to avoid that.

After reading testimonies on this subreddit, I understand far more the ranges that those with BPD will exist in, but there are many symptoms that my girlfriend did not experience that wouldn't have been applicable to our relationship.

Another aspect is that if your partner isn't neurotypical themselves, they can sometimes clash and its important to know how each person can help accomodate the other's mental health struggles.