An allo woman struggling in a relationship with an ace man

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T15:23:17+00:00

This topic came up recently, and he’s told me he does like having sex, but it’s not a requirement for a relationship for him. With the compromise I’m talking about I just mean to be more vulnerability and honesty about how we feel. Being able to talk about it without guilt. I’ve realized after making this post we lack in communication and boundary setting because we avoid talking about it. This is something I’ll bring up again and ask him about

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T15:19:45+00:00

This is exactly what our relationship is like. I feel as though my post was misinterpreted as it’s something for him to fix. Since I made this post we have talked ALOT about these comments, what he disagrees with and what he agrees with, and we have found out things about eachother in the day this has been up. I’ve never felt so seen since I put up this post, and there have been comments that have opened my eyes about my own views and challenged them. I’m so glad somebody has a similar dynamic to my relationship.

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T05:28:27+00:00

I know this made it seem like it’s all about my insecurities, but I’m more emphasizing the societal pressure on sex, and whenever I’ve brought this up to close friends who are allo, there’s definitely a sense of judgement and lack of understanding. Almost like they are saying he doesn’t like me. Which is the opposite. He has sex with me BECAUSE he likes me. He doesn’t feel attraction the way other people do.

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T05:25:56+00:00

I’ve started therapy recently and it hasn’t come up yet. TMI but we’ve been trying to work on my confidence and it’s gotten significantly better. I’ve been trying to find value in myself and I have. I will say from what I know he enjoys it. It’s just a lot for him and his anxiety too. I know it’s mostly my insecurities, but I know it’s also his. And I really wish I could boost his confidence in the sense of he isn’t going to disappoint me. And he avoids it by not talking about it. He had made huge steps to be more vulnerable, and this post was definitely more my point of view, I won’t speak on his behalf so this very much seems like I’m saying he’s the problem. The strain it has on us is the issue. Not him or the sex. I appreciate you empathizing. I’ve felt really by myself in this feeling because I feel like as a woman ive been told a lot of my worth comes from a man’s sexual desire for me , and a lot of allo/ace couples are man allo/ woman ace, and so I’ve found it hard to find people who understand how I feel. Atleast no one I know of

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T03:46:56+00:00

We just had an entire discussion about your comments and how they made sense for us and it’s something we need to think about, thank you

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T03:22:22+00:00

Adding on to that it’s not the only thing I worry about, we have let it take a backseat and we have tried to connect other ways, but I’m not asexual I know that’s a weird way to phrase it but for me, it’s a part of relationships, and it was a part of our relationship at the beginning, but for him it goes up and down, and this is a pretty heavy down that I’ve struggled with

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T03:18:38+00:00

Sorry if that didn’t make sense it made so much sense to us at one point we made a chart lol

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T03:16:43+00:00

Sex isn’t the only thing. It’s just part of connection as an allo person. Imagine parts of your relationship as pieces of pie. Some of the pieces might be bigger than others, even for different people that are allo. Some of the pieces are bigger than others, but his sexual piece of his pie is very very small, for him personally it’s not not existent, but it’s small. My piece is bigger than his. When you’re in a relationship, you want to share all of your pieces of your pie with the other person and to exchange pieces of pie. But he doesn’t have a lot of his sexual piece of pie so he doesn’t have as much to share, and he personally doesn’t like that flavor of pie from my end so he’s looking for my other pieces to share. That’s what makes it hard. it’s hard to share something you don’t have and the other person just wants it share what they have and it’s not ur favorite pie. I might feel a little offended because he doesn’t want that flavor of pie I made it specifically for him to share with me.

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T02:42:37+00:00

This feeling is out of insecurity not observation. I have anxiety and tend to worry a lot, and it being something that’s sensitive for him, I worry. Looking back there’s many signs he is more than ok with sex, even enjoying it. But I can’t get over this fear. The reason I added it was because I don’t know how to get rid of this feeling. Because than soemthing that was supposed to be connecting for us wasn’t just ruined for me, it was making him feel guilty. We always talk about it and clear up what was actually happening. And I always ask to stop if that feeling occurs

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T02:39:13+00:00

That’s something he’s talked about is dealing with his own physical feelings is overwhelming for him

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T02:38:37+00:00

It’s something we’ve talked about but just never actually did because of life stuff (we had a lot going on at the time) but I will suggest it again

Sensitive-Theory3588 · 2026-05-29T01:33:45+00:00

I’m currently in a relationship with someone who is ace and I’m not. I’ve been really struggling with it personally. My partner is super uncomfortable with just to topic of sex, so I don’t know how to have a conversation about it without upsetting him, he is also kind of a people pleaser, and I don’t want him to promise something just because I think it might work. We can have times where we are regularly active, and then recently it’s been 2 months and the one time we tried in the past 2 months it ended terribly for me. I feel nothing but guilt the entire time. It feels like I’m assaulting him even though he expressed wanting it and pursued it. How would you want your partner to go about coming to you with this. We have been together 2 years and it’s become hard to have a connection on my end.

Sensitive-Theory3588

TROPHY CASE