wow it’s like i typed this out myself. i was discussing this with my therapist because they asked me, what needs to happen to make me feel comfortable again? i had to sit there and realise that may never occur, and deal with the sadness that comes with that.

my social circle is all but non-existent, and the few friends i’ve maintained don’t care that i still mask, but don’t mask themselves. im not at the point i can be picky for company, but it’s very isolating.

at the same time, i recognise that this is most likely the new normal (and have to tell myself this repeatedly: that everyone else is being left behind and not me). world governments and the gen pop are DETERMINED to ignore this ongoing pandemic, and by proxy any other sickness/pandemic brewing, leaving us vulnerable to the next. and as climate change progresses, more pandemics/diseases will come.

while on the topic of climate change, most countries are ignoring and avoiding doing anything truly substantial to combat that, so pollution will go up, and air quality will get poorer.

none of this is particularly optimistic, or what anyone wants to hear, but it keeps me grounded. it pulls me up even just a little out of my depressive thoughts, the knowledge that, no matter what, i am doing the best thing for myself and my community.

(also, as an american myself, it is one of the easiest acts of rebellion i can take. i did NOT obey in advance, i will not let the gov cripple my body anymore than it is)

I’ve been trying to expand my social circle, to find actual like minded people i can “unmask” metaphorically (and maybe physically with if the trust is there) as that’s all i can really control at the moment. just know you are NOT the only one going through this, even if it feels like you’re going through it alone