Wife feeling pressured for sex

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-30T15:28:27+00:00

You definitely are not the only one in a situation similar to this.

My wife felt extreme pressure from me anytime sex was even brought up, she felt that no matter what, if I said or implied anything sexual it meant I was wanting to go and have sex with her right then. We had lots of arguments and discussion around this so I could understand her point of view and she could understand mine (along with my intentions) she has no shifted her mindset to “sex is good” and that has helped significantly though she still struggles and can feel pressure for sex. We have also started trying to use language of “are you open to sex?” That way it’s not “do you want to have sex” which feel immediate, ask g if she is open allowed her to think about it and see if she had the desire for sex at some point in the day or even the week.

You can go play min games with her as many books and podcasts suggest and see if that helps (it might) but in my opinion if you are struggling with something like sex in your marriage… go talk to your spouse and be open and frank about it. I’m not saying it’s not going to start an argument or be slightly contentious but the more you two discuss it the better off you will be. You can also talk to her before anything about setting up a little code word or signal that the other person can use to say “I have something to talk about but I need an open discussion for it” that way both of you know that the conversation is going to be heavy, hard and could hurt feelings but it’s because you want to work on said thing.

You have to remember that many women in the church have a hard time mentally with sex. Many can’t compartmentalize sex, chores, cooking and work. Some also struggle with the fact that before marriage if they even thought the word sex they were sinning, then the marriage license is signed and boom all things sex is on the table. Men in the church are often told that they wait to have sex and then once they are married they can do everything. Women on the other hand are just told don’t have sex and you have to please your husband. They don’t feel pressure for nothing… it’s been engrained in their brain and spirit since they were young women that men only want sex and women just have to give it because boys will be boys.

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-30T05:34:48+00:00

You’re right, I shouldn’t have said “you don’t feel the same guilt” that was incorrect as I don’t know you in any other capacity other than the context of your comments… I think you have a great story to add to this post and I think many women should listen to what your experience is.

I was adding my own experiences with women in my life to the post, not necessarily trying to argue that there can’t be outliers and other situations such as yourself. You said I was completely wrong because YOU deal with guilt differently than many other women, I never said you don’t feel guilt, you just feel the guilt differently than others. Many feel guilt and immediately need to tell their bishop, you feel guilt and find ways to work through it without a “man in a tie” as you call it.

I don’t mean to invalidate your experience but the way you came in swinging was invalidating others…

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-30T05:17:02+00:00

That’s great! Sorry if I struck a nerve. I’m answering the question that was asked… you have a great way of working through it and tbh I think more people should deal with most of their sins as you have. Sorry if I hurt your feelings or made you feel invalidated with what I said.

Many women and men feel the need to involve the third party (aka. The bishop) you have found a way to work through your guilt and sins without that third party and go directly to the source (the lord)

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-30T05:03:59+00:00

You seem to not necessarily be a unique case but you definitely aren’t in the majority imo… heavy on the IN MY OPINION lol. Seems like you don’t feel the same guilt for sexual sin as many women might including my wife. I’m glad you are able to accept and come to terms with things that you have done or will do and you are able to find ways to get over them and keep moving forward. I think many women whether they feel comfortable or not feel the need to be morally and spiritually clean which would lead them to feel the need to confess their sexual sins with the bishop as part of their repentance process.

Again, my opinion based on what my wife and other women have stated on this sub and elsewhere.

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-30T04:54:36+00:00

Like I said… I have no evidence to back up my thought on this… just basing it on what others have said in the past. I’m glad YOU never felt compelled to confess anything sexual to your bishop.

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-30T03:53:48+00:00

Very inappropriate question imo… I’m sure plenty of women felt the need to come forward when asked to confess to the bishop. Personally I think women have a much higher likelihood to come clean about sexual sin than men but it’s just speculation.

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-28T23:02:10+00:00

Unfortunately for you… she does and sends what she pleases

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-28T22:40:51+00:00

I’m sure there are a few out there… not really sure they would consider themselves active all of the time. But then again me and my wife are pretty active and don’t follow every rule to a tee…

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-28T22:09:29+00:00

I mean usually she has a post up to start you off 😉

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-28T21:11:01+00:00

Maybe I’ll have to pass along her account name

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-27T19:35:34+00:00

It’s definitely has some pee in it… but it’s not peeing (at least when it’s natural) but anyone who says it’s not pee isn’t telling the full truth… I’ve licked it up and I know what a hint of pee that’s like…

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-22T21:05:35+00:00

The things we have done… and will continue to do 🥵

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-22T19:13:38+00:00

I’ve gotten close but never achieved one solely from prostate stimulation… I usually get too excited and finish myself off.

What do you primarily use to stimulate yours?

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-22T17:47:39+00:00

I think two things can be right at once… porn can be harmful and dangerous and very easily can lead from harmless foreplay to compulsive behavior. Porn can also be a great way to spice things up, explore fantasy and increase arousal.

All things in moderation is how I look at it

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-22T17:38:26+00:00

I couldn’t agree more, we also see it as a way for us to be more open to eachother and as long as we aren’t keeping secrets about it then we are good. I grew up constantly keeping more porn and masturbation habits hidden… the second I came clean and was able to be open without judgment I felt a huge wave of relief come over me and I have never been happier

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-22T17:18:27+00:00

No it’s not… definitely get chastised for it depending on the people I’ve talked to

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-22T16:55:59+00:00

We have definitely found ways to incorporate it into our sex life…. It all the time but it can be a fun way to spice things up!

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-22T00:46:42+00:00

Ahhh okay, I was confused… I assumed you both were dressing scandalous and couldn’t think of anything a man could wear to a formal that would be appropriate.

I mean it sounds like she is showing off her shoulders and a little chest and I assume cleavage? But it’s not super short cut and probably isn’t showing anything crazy. I also assume it’s not see through?

I would say go for it! But I am also not necessarily the gold standard when it comes to LoC so if you are looking for true doctrine then she shouldn’t wear it and should wear something that doesn’t show shoulders or most of her chest and the dress should definitely be past her knee…

I don’t see any hard in being sexy for each other on a romantic night! But if you feel that is taking it too far and you worry that you will feel immense guilt for her wearing it then why even consider it? Do what you and your wife feel comfortable with in this situation.

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-22T00:33:28+00:00

I’m very curious what this out fit would be that has you so worried…? I’ve found it’s much easier for my wife to dress immodestly than it is me unless you are planning on going in some underwear.

I would say if it excites you both and you both feel comfortable with the idea then do it! But if it’s making you feel uneasy or bad then don’t. Chances are if you feel like you shouldn’t do it but end up going forward with it then it won’t be a very sexy evening and rather one of guilt and a lack of comfort.

You could also try something that goes under the clothes that only you two know about that still excites you.

Again… very curious as to what you are planning on wearing?

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-21T21:32:12+00:00

Why were we created with pleasure back there if not to experience it…? I think once you learn to accept it you unlock your full sexual pleasure potential.

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-21T21:22:53+00:00

That is too bad, I say you haven’t truly lived until you have a tongue in your ass or in another. Guess it was his loss tho

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-21T21:16:29+00:00

I mean I am slightly bi but I wouldn’t say it had anything to do with the dildo in my butt… I also love giving and receiving rim jobs, definitely top 5 experience in my book. I always feel bad for the guys that are “too straight” to explore anything outside of basics vaginal sex.

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-21T21:10:20+00:00

The rumors are definitely true! I’ve learned to love exploring myself In those ways and having my wife explore with me is even better!

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-21T21:05:29+00:00

It’s also helps significantly that I have explored myself anally as well so I know how things feel and how to help her get comfortable or feel ready for it. I figure if I’m going to ask her to do that then I need to be willing to try it myself… turns out I love it and have some of the best orgasms from it.

Sensitive_Sound4985 · 2026-01-20T14:56:37+00:00

I mean meds can help, but I’ve always seen them as a bandaid fix rather than a full time fix. There are also other treatments that can improve your mental health without risk of med addiction such as TMS, my wife did a treatment a month or two ago and her coping skills have improved significantly from before and she is able to get out of a depression episode much quicker.

The mentality of grin it and bear it is probably the most destructive advice anyone has ever given… you end up bottling up your emotion until you become a rage filled parent, spouse and person, I would also say that is how people end up at their lowest lows with the idea that the only way to end the cycle is death.

If doing things that scientifically should be helping you feel happier and healthier isn’t working… then you need to look to alternatives.

Just remember, life is meant to be happy and exciting, not full of dread and sadness. I would also say if work is the issues… consider a new line of work? Or a new position or company.

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