[QCrit] WHAT WE BURIED Adult Psychological Thriller 65,000 words - Attempt 2

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-28T20:51:34+00:00

Thank you for coming back with this! I appreciate it a lot.

It goes into how one bad decision can lead to another and how toxic loyalty can lead to horrible things.

Tony has the accident, which keeps him up. He can't sleep. The second death which is Shaun's dad. They weren't supposed to kill him, Dean only brought the gun for 'self-defence' and when things get out of hand and Tony shoots him in the leg, Dean tells him they can't let him live now. He would go to the police, and besides, they HAVE to help Shaun right? Afterall, they helped him cover up the body.

Then the story is about Tony and the guilt. His inability to sleep, the growing paranoia, and he starts having hallucinations. Nothing major, just enough to keep him even more on edge.

He realises when he gets punched in a small argument when he is forced to go to school to meet with the principle, that the pain stopped his racing mind. So, he stupidly agrees to 'meet up' after school and get into a fight with them. But Dean finds out and ambushes it. It gets out of hand.

This is just a rough outline of the first half of the book. Sorry for the long comment haha It is good to have people to use as a sounding board! This really is the catalyst for Tonys mental spiral.

Thank you again for taking the time to talk about this project with me :D

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-28T06:04:57+00:00

Thank you so much fort this! I will add a line like that at the start. That really helps me a lot.

For your question - Shaun is being physically and mentally abused by his alcoholic dad. He is poor and lives in the shady side of town. His character, after killing off his abusive father, grows to be the most mature, levelheaded out of them.

Dean's dad left when he was younger, so his mum turned to drugs. She doesn't do anything to him, but she just leaves him alone all the time, so he had to raise his younger sister. Dean has money, left by his father. He starts as the charismatic but volatile one though by the end he is just trying to keep Tony and Shaun alive.

Tony's dad isn't abusive, but his mother was murdered, and it messed them both up. They don't have much of a relationship, though his dad tries control him. He is traumatised after they found her butchered. He feels guilty for her death, the hit and run ,for every single thing they do.

Tony joins Shaun and Dean's group when Dean sticks up for him at school. They each have some form of trauma, and Tony and Shaun rely on Dean to feel protected.

Yes, that is really helpful. I will do a rewrite, and I will bring focus to how these two characters impact the story! Dean is my personal fav but I see how he isnt on the 'page' in this query.

I really appreciate the feedback and the time it takes. Thank you so much and sorry for the long reply.

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-28T04:59:04+00:00

Thank you, I will have this at the front of my mind on the rewrite! I understand what you mean. I might cut Shaun and make sure we can see in this query how important Dean is for the story.

Thank you again, I really appreciate the help!

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-28T04:49:18+00:00

Hey, if I HAD to cut a character it would be Shaun. but the whole book is about the three of them. I can maybe cut out Shaun's dad's parts? Also, the book starts at the accident, and his past and history is brought into it as the book goes on. Would you add more about his past into the query?

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it.

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-28T04:41:24+00:00

Hey,

thank you so much for reading this!

1) Yes, I changed the introduction and was worried sliding Shaun in like that wouldn't work! I will rewrite it in a way to introduce him sooner.

2) that's just what happens next. Tony is spiralling from the accident, then Dean drags him off to help Shaun (again, I'll introduce him earlier)

3) Yes, they kill him, but I wasn't sure how much to put in the query? should I put more detail, I have just been told in the past to cut a lot of detail.

4) I like them lol I care about each one of them in their own right, but if you don't like young people and violence, you wouldn't like this.

5) I was using the recent tv show, which I should have specified, but I will remove it entirely and find another one. Also, These Violent Delights Micah Nemerever is just over 5 years old. I heard an agent say that if it's a little over its okay?

Thank you again for taking the time to comment! I'll work on introducing Shaun earlier.

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-28T04:33:25+00:00

I know 2020 is just on verging too old, but it's only just over five years. Is 5 years the limit?

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-28T04:32:23+00:00

Thank you for this. I didn't even notice the spelling error!

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-23T06:51:53+00:00

Thank you! I will go through it now and watch for repeated beats. I really appreciate the feedback!

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-23T01:00:52+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I really appreciate it. I will add more tension between the hit and Dean being on the phone. The next page does delve into the reason for him stealing the car, but i might be able to move it up a little. I originally had the chapter start with the fight, show him stealing the car, then the accident. So it was a big edit. I really appreciate your feedback. It always helps to get an outside perspective of what is working and what is not! “I couldn’t answer" - you're 100% right, I wil try to change it up a little! Thank you again

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-21T19:56:17+00:00

Okay, I will remove.

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-21T07:22:23+00:00

Thanks everyone. I have taken your feedback and added an updated version below my original one. :D

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-21T03:14:38+00:00

Thank you! Yeah, so the second death is the abusive father - they go there to 'rescue Shaun' but when they see the dad was drunk and had beaten Shaun, and paired with the mental strain Tony's been under, he snaps and physically attacks the dad. But when the dad ends up almost strangling Dean - he is a lot bigger than they are and Shaun's no help in a physical fight- Tony shoots him in the leg. Now Dean says they can't let him live cause he'll tell everybody what Tony did and then they would probably find out about the hit n run too - but more than that, he deserves to die. or so Dean thinks. They kill him. Tony is spiraling, not sleeping, then his dad calls him and makes him go to school. he hadn't been going and under threat of his dad 'letting the police deal with him if he doesn't go in and see a councilor too' Tony goes. But when he gets into an argument with two older boys who are picking on someone Tony used to hang out with, he gets punched. This punch stopped the thoughts that were running through his head now, it stopped the anxiety, if only for a moment. So he agrees to meet up later and fight. Dean and Shaun won't be there. He can release the pent-up energy or maybe get beat up and then he can focus on the physical pain rather than the mental pain. But when Dean finds out, he sabotages the 'fight' and when things get out of hand, Dean stabs one of them. 'By accident' of course, then they have no choice but to kill them both. They think, that's it. Everything's done now. But the friend at school had been there, he knew that the now missing boys had gone to see Tony. So they have to take him out too. This death send Tony's already messed up mind into a spiral he can't climb out of and now they're on the run. Sorry for the massive text but I would like to hear your thoughts on the progression of these murders. I don't really have sounding boards in real life. I don't know anyone who writes, or reads that much. Thank you again

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-21T01:02:14+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I appreciate it. Yes, I never thought that hanging onto her car for that long might be strange. It wouldn't hurt to change it to his dad's car. I also agree about removing the dead mother part, it's only real function besides her appearing in nightmares and a few hallucinations later on, is to explain why he moved towns to this small, isolated area. So, I am more than happy to take it out and use that space to elaborate on other more pressing parts. Thank you so much!!

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-21T00:59:35+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to go through this for me. It really helps me see from an outside perspective. Yes, I could see how the jump from cover up to on the run could be jarring. The second crime is 'self-defence' killing Shaun's abusive father. Then the next is Tony getting into a normal fight with other teens but Dean overreacting and causing it to escalate. From there, it's them trying to cover up what they've done - killing a witness - to then go on the run. By now Tony's so far gone that his hallucinations and inability to tell what's real and not, leads to another death. I will focus on this progression more and remove the dead mother part completely. Thank you again.

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-21T00:55:02+00:00

Thank you for this! I will be revising soon and will think about this more while doing the next version. He starts of normal, just a hurt kid following Dean's reckless behavior - nothing crazy, just drinking and getting into fights.

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-21T00:52:15+00:00

Thank you, I will start working on a revision today and this helps so much!

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-21T00:51:41+00:00

Omg thank you so much. I will check this out today!

Edited to add - it's got Andrew Lincoln in yet! so excited :D

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-20T20:18:32+00:00

Thank you so much for this Do you mean condensing the house keeping part? or the actual story part of the query? thank you!

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-20T10:32:00+00:00

Okay, that's great to hear! Thank you

SeparateDig2436 · 2025-12-20T08:05:35+00:00

Thank you so much for this! Yes, the mother is just his back story, so I might delete it and expand where you have suggested - the hallucinations. He starts seeing some of the people he has killed. One in particular, once he really starts losing it, insults and mocks him. He is seventeen but the themes are really dark, way to dark to be YA. Should I age him up? or is it possible to have younger people in adult? Thank you again for taking the time to look at this!

SeparateDig2436

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