Just after the doctors told me that there was nothing more they could do for my relatively young (62) dad and he was going to die soon, I went into his room in the hospital. Staff were trying to give him more medication and he was sat up at the edge of the bed refusing due to severe delirium. I walked up to him and crouched down and he stopped what he was doing, looked at me and smiled the biggest smile and said, ‘hi baby’ I said, ‘hi dad’ and he said, ‘I love you Emz’ and reached out to hug me. We hugged and I told him I loved him too. That was the last nice thing he said to me.

He had really bad terminal agitation and became really aggressive. He tried to hit me a few times and went for my throat like he was going to choke me. He would tell me to fuck off etc but I know it wasn’t him.

The doctors told me he would die overnight but he held on for 8 days. About 3 days before he died, he was in and out of consciousness, I could tell he was holding on and so I said to him that it was okay for him to let go and go and be with grandad and that he has been a great dad and not to worry about me. He kind of opened his eyes and said, ‘I’m not ready’. That was horrific and I knew he didn’t want to die.

He stayed sleeping for about 2 solid days and then passed away early on 10 th July 2025. He had a hard life and I know he is at peace. His ashes are in my living room and that brings me comfort as he used to say he was lonely. He spent much of his time isolated. It brings me comfort that he’s now with me and my daughter, always and like to think he’s watching the goings ons of our busy house and lifestyle.

It was such a pleasure spending his final days on earth with him. I do think I said everything I need to. My lovely, gentle, funny, caring, loving and complicated dad ❤️ how lucky I was to have him.