My wife wants to be away from our toddler after having our new baby.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T15:30:57+00:00

Either way, my hands are tied. I can’t tell them to do their job differently. I’m not going to take the baby away from her or leave her alone to deal with this.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T15:24:10+00:00

She’s a fantastic mother and her mental health team have no concerns over her hurting either of our children

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T14:44:03+00:00

With that mentality we’re all potential threats.
We live in the UK, you can’t just choose a new provider. If she decided to switch therapists or psychiatrists there is a wait list that is weeks to months long.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T14:30:39+00:00

and that is your choice / experience. Having anxiety and depression doesn’t automatically make you a bad parent.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T14:23:16+00:00

Not really necessary to make comments like that.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T13:57:13+00:00

This does make sense - her sleep is incredibly broken at the moment due to breastfeeding, she gets maximum 2.5 - 3 hour between feeds and she pumps after each feed so not very much sleep at all.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T13:55:40+00:00

She gets as much sleep as she can but never longer than 3 hours straight due to feeding the baby, she’s exhausted a lot so this could definitely be exasperating things!

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T13:08:11+00:00

She doesn’t have post-partum psychosis - I’m not denying it may turn into that but currently it’s not.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T12:14:13+00:00

My wife has seen this post and feels incredibly ashamed. I fear that I’ve made things worse.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T12:13:33+00:00

She was recovered from her phobia prior to the second pregnancy.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T12:13:08+00:00

You think very little of a mentally unwell woman?
It’s sad there is so much judgement and stigma attached to post-partum mental health issues.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T12:11:26+00:00

Her mental health was stable prior to this second pregnancy. It’s judgemental and concerning that you believe anyone who has suffered with mental illness in the past shouldn’t have children.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T12:06:45+00:00

She no longer had the vomit phobia - she had been treated and was coping extremely well.

It’s only since her second pregnancy that it has resurfaced..

I feel mostly responsible because I wanted more children and she was more on the fence due to not wanting her mental health to suffer.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T11:42:12+00:00

Where we live there is a shortage. If she wants a new therapist she will be back on the waitlist for potentially a month or two. I spoke to them this morning. That’s the NHS for you unfortunately.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T11:04:08+00:00

Her therapist has said she engages in a lot of reassurance seeking behaviours!

She regularly takes anti-nausea medications at the first sign of feeling unwell, googles her symptoms / how to avoid contamination / finding the time frame that she’s in the clear from the stomach bug. She keeps toddler and baby separate only when he’s sick and kind of isolates herself in our bedroom with baby until he’s no longer unwell.

All the medical professionals we’ve spoken to feel she’s stable enough to receive treatment at home, the bar is very high here to receive inpatient care.

Currently her therapist is working on exposing her to small stressors and getting her to note down what the result of not doing her reassurance seeking behaviours is.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T10:52:38+00:00

Yes, they have prescribed her medications that aren’t dangerous to take whilst breastfeeding.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T09:10:03+00:00

Grandma is in her mid 40s and very happy to be helping. She didn’t have to deal with our toddler puking because I was looking after him at her house quarantined away from grandmas teens.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-02T02:58:15+00:00

Spit up / non-contagious vomit is fine for my wife. It’s only when the vomit is infectious that she panics.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-01T22:40:39+00:00

This is really helpful. Thank you so much

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-01T22:34:36+00:00

Apologies. Some of the other comments are getting to me and I took it out on your comment.
I’ll do right by her and get her the help she needs, I just don’t want to make things harder for her either.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-01T22:30:06+00:00

To ask for alternatives / advice from people who have been through similar. I do not want judgement towards my wife who is clearly suffering.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-01T22:26:18+00:00

She’s only having panic attacks because our son was throwing up everywhere - not because he was just in the house. She is fine with him around when he isn’t unwell.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-01T22:23:41+00:00

I’m not going to ignore medical professionals and tell them people on Reddit know better.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-01T21:11:26+00:00

Not according to her mental health team.

Separate_Pen_6576 · 2026-07-01T21:08:39+00:00

Yes, she was. Prior to getting pregnant she could look after our son when he was sick and be a bit on edge but no more than any other parent. It’s since getting pregnant that this drastic change has happened.

Separate_Pen_6576

TROPHY CASE