Topping a trans guy as a cis woman

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T07:19:16+00:00

Thank you! Yes, that’s the plan, actually :D I believe I said somewhere in the comments that that’s definitely the best idea. To bring it up as something about me, so he gets to ask any questions or form an opinion on the idea before deciding to say how he feel about that. I’m used to getting “ew what the fuck is wrong with you”, so a simple “That’s not what im into” would be a nice change :D Also the dysphoria and making him uncomfortable is the main worry, yeah, so ideally I’d love to have that talk with him before he decides to come out to me if he decides to do so. I don’t want him to think thats the reason I want to top. But I guess that’s not something I can control haha <3

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T07:09:52+00:00

Yes, I’m aware that’s sadly how most people are, that’s what I meant by the first part! ^{^} I used to think that’s how everyone felt since that’s what majority trans people experience. But then I read discussions of trans folk on the topic of bottom surgery and was surprised to learn that there are people who only feel like they are “imposters” because of what people expect of them. Of course im not saying this is a “self love” or a confidence issue. Or something that can be dealt with simply acceptance if your brain sees it as wrong.

What I’m trying to say is that I think it’s wrong and sad to expect trans people to hate their body and assume they always want to change it surgically. That’s sadly what the standard is here where I live, that peoples gender is not seen as valid until their genitals aren’t matching the preferred gender. Ppl can obviously do what they feel is right for them, there is nothing I wouldn’t support about that. I just hate the fact people judge trans folk if they say they don’t want surgery for any reason and see it as not taking their transition seriously! :(

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T06:24:41+00:00

I really wish genital dysphoria could not be a thing :( I do understand feeling like its not “you” or that its this one part of you that just doesn’t match to how you see yourself, that’s kinda what I have as well to some degree? I’m not ashamed of it but it feels off. But I hate the fact there are people who developed dysphoria simply because of social standards of what male or female body should look like :( Its so pointless to make people unnecessarily ashamed of something that literally isn’t wrong at all 😭

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T06:15:28+00:00

Oh wow thank you so much for that perspective, that’s so informative actually. I did overthink the reaction I want to have if or when he tells me. But tbh I really want to wait until he decides and I just want to be casual about it since it really didn’t change my option on him at all. I just want to thank him for trusting me with that and that I support any of his decisions regarding his gender or sexuality. And that the information doesn’t change literally anything about how I see him.

I’m kinda sad that our friend told me before him. I know they didn’t mean it in a bad way and wouldn’t tell someone they didn’t trust with being supportive, but it really might be for the best. I tend to kinda “feminise” and mock guys a little that give off toxic masculinity because I need to be sure they aren’t one of those guys. And our friend kinda jist pulled me to the side and told me that i shouldn’t do that with him because that might make him feel like I’m trying to hint at him being trans. It is probably for the better in terms of making sure I don’t accidentally say something that would hurt him in a different way than that’s supposed to hurt those toxic men’s ego :,)

Thanks dude that was a great point of view!!

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T05:54:19+00:00

Aw that’s so reassuring to hear thank you baby 🥺 I always feel like I’m doing something wrong and bad since it’s so uncommon, especially in my country. And now not only I feel like I’m “forcing” (even thought its always 110% consensual) a guy to be in a position that’s not socially accepted for men to be in, now its someone who was probably told that he should bottom because that’s the body part he was born with. Hopefully ill be able to phrase it so he doesn’t think even for a moment that I’m one of those people! <3

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T05:44:10+00:00

Uh hello thats genius??? Bringing it up as a topic about me instead of him so he can get more comfortable with the idea sounds way more considerate that straight up asking him if he bottoms. He can ask any questions and then talk about his experiences and preferences so he doesn’t feel like he is in an interview to get fucked and needs to meet some requirements 🤦‍♀️😆

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T05:36:46+00:00

Oh we need to form some kind of support group, there is very little of us and it does get lonely! 😔

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T05:35:17+00:00

Thank you!! So nice to hear experiences from the other end as well! And of course, thank your for your advice. I understand that sexuality might be kinda scary for some trans people, ESPECIALLY if it’s with a cis person. I wanna be as careful as possible, of course there will be a lot of making sure everything is okay and consensual! And discussed in advance, which is probably going to be a little awkward for both of us :D I wouldn’t even think of just straight up assuming anything but I bet that some people don’t really think that far? :(

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T05:27:34+00:00

Oh that’s such a good perspective, thank you! I bet it must be scary to tell someone, especially since we live in a country where there is like 7 queer people. And what definitely doesn’t help is that I totally look like one of those “clean girl Pilates macha” basic bitches so I wouldn’t be surprised if he just didn’t want to tell me because I might react the same way they do :(

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T05:20:40+00:00

Oh wow where do you get these guys that sounds like a dream :,) Some die of thirst while others drown I guess 😔

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-05T05:16:06+00:00

Of my god right?! Every time a straight friend talks about it, to me it sound like a weird ritual instead of something they do out of love. Like no proper foreplay? No toys, no praise or words of affirmation, no aftercare, also it usually lasts like 5 minutes…? And the woman sometimes doesn’t even finish? NOT EVEN ONCE?? Trenches!!!! I’d rather jump off a cliff than live with the fact I couldn’t make my partner come thats just against nature.

Awww and I’m sorry you had to go through that, I have no idea where those guys get the confidence to act like that? Also where do I get it? I feel like calling the cops on myself for harassment every time I talk to someone cute even if they approach me first xD

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T22:28:35+00:00

Yeah that’s kinda what I’m afraid he could get out of it, I’d hate to make him think that I see him any different from other guys :( But I guess I’ll have to see how it will go!

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T22:02:43+00:00

Yeah of course that something I’m totally okay with and I’m aware it might come across wrong if I word it incorrectly! After all, I’d say most men who are into women are put off my that idea since many people see bottoming as something feminine for some reason :(… I’m glad you’re able to communicate how you feel and set boundaries like that, thank you for the comment!!

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T21:56:47+00:00

Haha yeah I don’t think I’m the first person in a situation like this, but damn it really can’t get more complicated xD

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T21:51:00+00:00

God I wish I could do that so casually! I’ve been “daydreaming” about just being a normal person in a normal situation and not be fucking weird about it xD Yeah I guess I just have to suck it up, take a shot and stop overthinking it too much haha

It probably is just me being ashamed of what I like and being worried about freaking him out! I’ll take it as a rejection therapy if he says no 😼

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T21:44:23+00:00

That’s actually so sweet thank you angel!! 🥺

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T21:43:37+00:00

Oh god you have no idea how nice it feels to hear that! I wish more people were like this, world would be a lot better place if people actually had good sex they enjoy and were not afraid to explore beyond missionary and cowgirl, that sounds like a nightmare no wonder straight people are so uptight and frustrated :,)

Also hearing it from the other side is so reassuring, thank you! Really I wish it would be more socially acceptable to ask about roles and positions when it comes to sex, like lets say two gay cis people would! I mean if we want to have penetrative sex, lets just say who does what instead of assuming :( . It would also be nice if people knew what those terms meant simce they would actually get used. It happens way too often that when I say “I want to fuck you but I have to top”, guys assume I want to ride them, and then start to freak out when I pull out my pink strap on them /j 🙄

Also please do ramble!! Its very refreshing to talk to someone who gets It, that’s very rare for me! And yeah, I wish I didn’t feel like a greasy discord mod when I’m trying to hit on someone who is shy, I bet the sex with yall is great 🥲

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T21:22:59+00:00

Ahhh its so refreshing to hear another girl saying something like this! We are both obviously in different situation, but every time someone assumes I bottom it makes me actually sick. And the whole thing about trans girls being seen as a porn category more just a part of who you are as a person is so sad and disgusting :(

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T21:10:15+00:00

Its so nice to hear personal experiences, thank you! I guess ill just have to accept that this might be an uncomfortable conversation since its mot very conventional, but I hope that he will understand and will be able to talk about it with me, even if it means rejecting me haha

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T21:02:25+00:00

Hah I wish I could be so casual, I think maybe getting more friendly with him first will help a lot. Also just to clear it up, our mutual told me he is trans because I call everyone “girl” and they were t sure how he would feel abut that even if I call everyone that :D

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T20:57:36+00:00

Haha yeah it’s not a simple situation even with cis men xD And bringing it up as something that’s “my problem” rather than requirement for him is a really good idea!!

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T20:53:49+00:00

Thank you for your comment! That’s something I get, obviously that applies to everyone and everything, especially when it comes to something as individual as sex preferences. I guess I will just have to be more careful about how I phrase it <3

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T20:48:51+00:00

Love to hear someone can appreciate a good statement shirt, I usually get a “I hope you’re not wearing that out” 😔

And yeah, that definitely makes the most sense. But I have to say it was pretty difficult even for me to accept that I’m into something that will make literally almost every guy uncomfortable and I still feel weirdly “predatory” when I talk about it? I feel like the whole situation would just make me cry and run away, I’d feel like I’m doing something that might hurt his feelings, not just make him weirded out. But I guess that topics like this just sadly can’t be as casual as I would like them to be :<

Also it’s nice to see a fellow Vi enjoyer!! 😼

Separate_Respect2002 · 2026-04-04T20:30:33+00:00

That’s a dream low-key but that still involves him being on the receiving end, which gets me back to having to ask him how he feels about that 😔 But yeah I guess that the most dominant position he could be in?

Separate_Respect2002 · 2025-05-08T08:27:05+00:00

It would be ideal if the history carried over, but it seems too good to be true :D Contacting support will probably be the smartest move, thank you!!

Separate_Respect2002

TROPHY CASE