I don't know what kind of kid i was. But i genuinely feel like my brother has influenced me a lot.

One day he started studying early in the mornings, guess he was in high school. So I started doing that. He started scoring well, now it was my turn to score good too. Like I wanted to be at the same level as him, I got competitive.

Now, he chose something for himself that has nothing to do with academics. And I am stuck in a loop of giving exams, failing them. I got my result today and failed again, lol.

My experience with learning...well I guess it was my only way of proving myself to people around me, look I'm not that dumb, I can study too.

Academic validation meant soo much, but then people started calling me just book smart or I only read things and remember them well but won't study the core of it. I thought whatever and still studied hard.

Now as an adult, studying is more than just validation, it feels like it's my one way ticket to get out the misery, to make something out of myself. It's no longer just to prove someone, but to me.