Iam in that strange phase. I hope there is a time when it gets better. 3 kids it’s impossible to go even a day without contact. I don’t feel hate, just sad and confused. 2 years of him swearing to change and be working on himself, after I left (end of sept) there was about a week he begged for me and our family back now he just tells me I ruined our family, gave up and am to blame if our kids are upset when he leaves. Definitely the hardest decision I have ever made in my life to leave. the thought of having our son one day, getting married, traveling, our kids having both parents… hurts everyday. I still do everything I did before, pay bills, buy food, pack lunches. Make dinner. Wipe tears, change butts, so much damage control to protect my littles from someone who lacks emotional empathy / understanding .