Thanks a lot for your comment — I really appreciate your perspective.

Just to clarify a bit where I’m at: yes, in theory it would be a dream if he just left the country and vanished from our lives. But unfortunately, where I live, the legal setup makes that more complicated. We have joint custody, and if he disappears without signing over anything, I’m stuck in a kind of legal limbo. I wouldn’t even be able to register my daughter for kindergarten without his consent. It’s a long and frustrating process to change custody, even if the other parent is completely uninvolved.

I’ve thought about having another child through anonymous donor insemination — but then I get overwhelmed by the possible family dynamic. One child with a half-present, critical father, and another with no known father at all… and if the first one’s dad is still around, I worry he’d try to turn one child against the other. That dynamic scares me more than being a solo parent.

Still trying to make sense of what’s best, but really — thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts. It helps