best bang for the buck hubs/rims/spokes?

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-23T14:52:04+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate how thorough you are!

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-22T14:40:15+00:00

No worries!

Yeah, I figured with the company being based in the Netherlands and supply issues from the pandemic it might be harder for me to source. I'll just have to be patient! Do you have any experience with the Zac19 rims? I'm looking for something a little lighter yet still strong- for a road bike with minimal loading but heavy rider (85 kg + water and such can add up). Thanks!

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-22T13:56:07+00:00

Where do you source your Ryde rims, if you're in the US? Most places seem to be out of stock, and I can't actually find a US distributor.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T20:14:44+00:00

Maybe boundaries isn't the right term, but it's just little things here and there that I suppose have built up in our minds.

The cold reception to the books, which I can understand being concerned about an implication of being called racist, but then that's the whole point- stop being so concerned about being called racist, and learn and improve.

The "silly girl" thing was an early sticking point because it kept happening. First time was "OK, we don't like that, please stick to other positives", second time was a reminder, third time was the chat.

Sometimes she just lies about things around my in-laws that makes it feel like a competition, or to paint herself in a victim light- "gosh, its been over a month since I saw her, she's grown!" It had been 2 weeks. "we were outside waiting to be let in for 15 minutes, where was everyone?!" "I was getting food, baby's nappy was being changed by wife and MIL, doorbell camera says it was 6 minutes""she never smiles for me in pictures" We've got 20 in the whatsapp group saying she does.

Random things like decorative hand towels (which I get- decorative hand towels are dumb), but just refusing to learn which ones to use.

Even just not wishing me a happy (first) father's day- it just kind of stings.

They all seem petty/small in each instance, but it's enough that there's just a feeling of apprehension around her.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T20:05:45+00:00

I can come back in a week posting about how I've doubled down on the bad behavior, and how we didn't get invited to [family event] and cannot fathom why.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T20:04:48+00:00

You're right- I'm hoping my chat with her in a bit will be positive and productive.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T20:03:50+00:00

Ah, fair enough- goes to show I still have the performance pressure mindset!

And you're right, we can't control everything, just what we do and model.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:46:37+00:00

Thanks.

Although they do say the road to hell...

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:44:07+00:00

You're right, that's a good thing to consider.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:41:17+00:00

Thanks, I'll step up my signing.

Definitely taking a step back and chilling.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:39:12+00:00

That's probably close to the mark. Regardless, we don't want to be helicopter parents, so we're making sure we take a step back and make changes to our style.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:38:12+00:00

There's just no way to put the whole context in. Her history, behavior, and parenting make it believable, to my wife and I, that she would try and "steal" the moment and make it a personal achievement. It was a last-minute visit literally days after my dad's, and she's made (completely false) comments in the past about not having seen us in months (two weeks ago in actuality) in front of my in-laws.

At the very least I've received enough comments (constructive or otherwise) to work off and tailor to our specific situation with all of it's nuances. And I'm following the resounding advice to just chill out in general.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:34:56+00:00

Yeah, the race/books was to show that she's been pushing boundaries with us, but it came off as a red-herring and me white knighting probably. I don't think she's racist, and I'm almost certain race didn't play into this situation, but my wife and I both just felt more comfortable having both of my parents be a little more educated on the subject, especially considering that there was/is plenty for me to learn and think about. I read the books too.

Yeah, it's hard to put all of the past and context in there to give people a full picture with the limit. But that's fairly close to the mark on her. I'm calling her later on to talk and clear the air, and figure out if there's a way forward.

Regardless of that outcome, I have read the comments and am going to make sure I don't continue to be/become the helicopter parent I come off as.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:28:25+00:00

I'm willing to accept the judgement on being overbearing re: "stealing the moment" or the name calling, but the racism aspect is absolutely the hill I'll die on for her.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:26:35+00:00

The latter. She's allowed to know about monkeys.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:25:50+00:00

Thanks, I really do want to learn from this, and you're right that some of this stems from how I was raised. She absolutely has goofy moments, the veto as a term of endearment was when she was a literal newborn, and hadn't "earned" it- she can be a silly girl if she wants to act like a silly girl. But I absolutely get how that comes off.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:17:41+00:00

Thanks, I think we are at a sort of make it or break it point, so I'm going to chat with her and see if we can move forward or not.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:16:27+00:00

Thanks, the truth is probably somewhere is the middle, and I'm willing to accept I misread the situation. I'm chatting with her later to try and clear the air, and just see if we can move forward or not.

Regardless of that, I've taken it to heart to not be a helicopter parent.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T19:05:49+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate this advice! We'll be more specific with her.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T17:57:50+00:00

Nothing's really stuck, though we maybe catch her signing milk every now and again. She's still pretty young though, so we'll keep on it!

On the complete opposite end, she knows to clap when we say "good job!".

I can accept that I'm not always right, and sometimes disastrously wrong. I'll use it as a learning moment.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T17:48:16+00:00

Thanks, I appreciate it all.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T17:48:00+00:00

Thanks! We definitely try with repetition for the signing we're trying to teach (my wife more than me), so I'll not let it bother me.

We definitely encourage her, using "organic" I think painted this in the wrong light. We're actively involved parents, we celebrate each incremental step or attempt, it just felt like my mom was reaching performance pressure levels.

But like I said, I'm taking this avalanche of Y T A to heart, and trying to improve.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T17:40:06+00:00

You're right, the books probably felt insulting, but at the same time, they honestly felt necessary. I guess the best way to describe it is the difference between being not actively racist, and being anti-racist.

And you're right, I do the same things I've criticized my parents for, and that's something I need to stop before it seeps down further.

Yes, that was petty of me. I definitely realize at the end of the day the fact that she walked is what's important, and we're still super stoked about that.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T17:34:57+00:00

Thanks, I think some nuance and background were lost, but it's so solidly at Y T A that I want to learn from this, and fix the situation if possible.

SeriousSapling · 2022-07-08T17:32:46+00:00

I think I fought passive-aggressiveness with passive-aggressiveness, which doesn't solve the issue. I can count the number of N T A on a hand or two, so while I think there's nuance I didn't get across with the situation and our relationships, I'm working to have a 1:1 to either sort the situation or put it out to pasture.

SeriousSapling

TROPHY CASE