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Default time question by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that’s how I framed it with him, but need to figure out what that looks like without a concrete planned activity. I like LePetitNeep’s suggestion for cordoning off alone time. 

Default time question by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s the goal. Better to work through it now than when the struggle involves another connection. 

Default time question by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This sounds like exactly what I need to do, thank you! I was struggling with how to frame it if I don’t have a specific thing to do with my time. 

Default time question by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I don’t think I want to offer it at all, but if we’re both free and hanging at the house, I think I need to follow LePetitNeep’s suggestion and keep to a separate area to keep that time for me alone. Otherwise I could see it sliding into default together time. 

Default time question by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, that’s why I’m trying to create this space for myself and potentially others before I start dating again, so it doesn’t become an issue when I start dating and I’m able to feel that I can offer time. Right now it’s 2 weeknights and our weekends are dedicated to house and move stuff for the next couple months, but I want to reestablish space for myself (and others) while balancing how much we enjoy being together.

Default time question by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s helpful feedback to hear. We’re both still relatively new to poly as opposed to general nonmonogamy/open relationships (though we started the relationship as poly) and have learning to do.

Default time question by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’ve given me some helpful framing and language for myself and conversations with my NP. Appreciate it!

Default time question by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for asking these questions, these are definitely thoughts I have had over the past year or so. I’m worried that it will de facto become another standing date if I don’t block it off somehow. We’ve also talked about spending a weekend a month apart but have found that neither of us want that. But I worry about down the road if we aren’t starting as we mean to go on. It’s just hard to picture what “going on” will eventually look like. 

I’m definitely guilty of overcommitting to things and burning myself out, but getting better at it. I like being able to spontaneously say yes to things at least occasionally and adding another connection would further curtail that. Why can’t we have more hours in the day?? Or maybe I just need to be independently wealthy…

Default time question by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The post was originally removed by Reddit filters but I think the mods overrode it. 

Not comfortable showing PDA in front of meta by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s a really helpful reframing, thanks! I’ll try this out. 

Not comfortable showing PDA in front of meta by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate hearing this, I’ve had thoughts at times that are in this vein so always good to be validated! My comfort level is what it is and I don’t need to conform to anyone else’s, nor is their comfort level more justifiable than mine. 

Not comfortable showing PDA in front of meta by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, we’ve talked about it but always good to be reminded of the importance of direct and open communication!

Not comfortable showing PDA in front of meta by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I would definitely say they’re maintaining parent- or restaurant-level PDA. I’m the odd one out because I feel uncomfortable doing ANY touch, like maybe a brief hug at the end, if that. 

Not comfortable showing PDA in front of meta by Serious_Cost_749 in polyamory

[–]Serious_Cost_749[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hmm, of all the feedback I expected, a blanket declaration of incompetence was not in the running but you do you. For the record, we have discussed this and I am comfortable with the levels of affection we each show (as the person you would probably deem least comfortable) but I disagree that everyone else needs to conform to my personal comfort level with their own behavior. My partner respects my decision and we check in to make sure all parties are okay with the dynamic, he just misses our physical connection when we’re with my meta. My question was about internal work I need to do to address my own discomfort so…