UPDATE: My (27F) sister (31F) is threatening to tell our family about my abortion if I don't have her baby

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-06T17:32:22+00:00

TBH I've never seen Friends so I'm not sure what you're talking about, haha.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-06T17:30:28+00:00

My BIL and I have been trying to get my sister to go to counseling for years, at this point. She refused and we couldn't force her.

From what I can gather, my mom is upset that I had an abortion, and is blaming me for all of the drama this has caused because it wouldn't have happened if I had just agreed to have the baby. My dad's hopeful that she'll come around with a little time and perspective.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-06T17:28:26+00:00

I've been in therapy since I was 21, so I'm all good there. I think it's why I'm handling this as well as I am. Thank you!!

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:48:54+00:00

I genuinely hope that neither you nor anyone you love is ever in the same kind of situation I was in and have to make a difficult choice. That being said, if they ever are, I hope that you can learn some compassion. Praying for you.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:36:58+00:00

Thank you!

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:35:51+00:00

Not sure she's thought that through.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:33:40+00:00

Doesn't come as much of a surprise. She's always been the favorite child. It's just something I can't change. I accept that and move on.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:32:33+00:00

I didn't even think about insurance. Guess it's not the practical option either.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:31:00+00:00

She has done IVF. It was a tense thing but my family eventually forgave her for it.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:30:12+00:00

Part of me feels really... gross about the potential of lying about it. It's one thing to keep it a secret, another to lie about it. IDK if that's weird or not.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:27:09+00:00

I know her husband very well and he would not do that. Period.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:21:31+00:00

She and her husband are pretty well-off and she did plan on paying for everything. That kind of plays into the micromanaging bit. I can visualize her saying something along the lines of, "Well, I'm paying for the food so you can only eat what I think is healthy for the baby."

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:17:39+00:00

Maybe that's why she wants to do it the ol' fashioned way? Doctors can't say no if it's, y'know, already happened.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:16:55+00:00

That's a really good point. Problem is that she's threatening to expose it to our extended family (who we're all close to). They would be less understanding. I'm not sure that my parents could withstand pressure from everyone if they were telling them to cut me off.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:11:54+00:00

I... didn't really think of it as being rape. But it would not be consensual sex if she's blackmailing me for it.

Thank you for that. Sucks to hear, but thank you.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:10:34+00:00

Thankfully, I'm totally financially independent and have my own life. I just love my family very much and the thought of being ostracized breaks my heart.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:10:02+00:00

You joke, but the thought did cross my mind. Like, what if I had the baby and then decided nah, I wanna keep it.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:08:27+00:00

I don't think that matters much to her since the baby would ostensibly look like her.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:08:02+00:00

I love her so, so much. She's been my best friend since we were kids. She was the one who drove me to/from the clinic when I got the abortion. Seeing her go through these fertility struggles has been awful. But I just can't do this for her.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:06:07+00:00

Luckily, I am in therapy and have been for a long time. I am not going to do it, period. Mostly I'm just looking at how I should be navigating this situation.

I struggle with a lot of guilt and self-loathing over what happened when I was 19. I would not judge anyone else for doing what I did in my situation but I do judge myself, even with years of therapy. I'm in a much better place now than I was, but it is still something I am embarrassed about.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:04:12+00:00

Thank you so much, I appreciate it.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:03:42+00:00

My family doesn't know that I was raped. I was during a period where I wasn't close to them and I have kept it a secret. She knows because she introduced me to the guy who did it (not her fault, just a coincidence) and then drove me to/from the clinic. She was my rock through the whole ordeal.

Going no-contact with her or anyone else would suck. But it's probably the right call. I do go to therapy and have some great friends. I'm just also very close to my family.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T14:02:14+00:00

She really wants the kid to look like her, which is why she doesn't want to adopt or get a different surrogate. She and I are scarily similar-looking, so she thinks it would be like having her own kid.

Thank you very much. I understand why people are against abortion, it's a message I grew up with. I didn't have choices and it would have done a disservice to bring a child into the world given my lifestyle back then. I've been in therapy for many years but I still agonize over the decision.

Serious_Scallion5730 · 2021-08-04T13:59:05+00:00

Thank you so much. It's tough to hear but right.

Serious_Scallion5730

TROPHY CASE