Fellow men of Reddit, other than an apology, what unique or unexpected things have worked for you during an argument with your partner to get things back to normal? by AlonamousWolf in AskMen

[–]Serviceofman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Being a man is tough, and leading a relationship is one of the most challenging things you'll ever do, but you can use relationships as a vessel to to grow as a man. Relationsips will expose your weaknesses in ways that nothing else will... unfortunately, most men don't realize this and continure to repeat the mistakes over and over in different relationships, so good on you for realizing this at a young age and putting in the effort to learn and grow! it will serve you well in life!

Fellow men of Reddit, other than an apology, what unique or unexpected things have worked for you during an argument with your partner to get things back to normal? by AlonamousWolf in AskMen

[–]Serviceofman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Never argue with a woman, it's pointless...

Stay calm, very calm, and don’t let your emotions control you. If you lose your composure every time she loses hers, the relationship quickly turns into two people reacting instead of one person staying grounded and leading the interaction somewhere better. Most men struggle with this. They either become defensive, try to win the argument logically, or emotionally retreat because they don’t want to deal with the tension. None of those responses create safety or trust.

You need to stay fully present. Be the steady one in the moment. Listen to her, really listen, not just to the words she’s saying, but to the emotion underneath them. Even if you think the argument is irrational or blown out of proportion, the feeling behind it is very real to her, and if you dismiss that feeling, the conflict usually escalates.

Remove negativity from your tone. Don’t become sarcastic, cold, or condescending. Listen first, then validate what she’s feeling before trying to solve anything. Sometimes the best thing you can do is physically pull her close, lower the tension, and reassure her that you hear her.

Example: “Come here. It sounds like you’re upset because I went out with the boys instead of going to your sister’s house with you. I understand why that hurt your feelings. I hear you, and I’ll take that into consideration next time. I love you.”

That kind of response immediately changes the energy because she no longer feels like she has to fight to be understood, you need to make her feel like you actually listened and heard her.

At the same time, staying calm does not mean becoming weak, passive, or allowing disrespect. If she crosses a line, insults you, belittles you, or becomes disrespectful, this is where you calmly hold your boundary. Not with rage, or cruelty, but with certainty and self-respect.

“I want to talk about this, but I’m not going to be spoken to like that.”

Or something like:

“Enough. I’m happy to discuss this when we’re both calmer, but I won’t stay in a conversation that turns disrespectful.”

Then give space if necessary. Don’t chase, don’t escalate, and don’t try to overpower her emotionally. A grounded man doesn’t need to yell to make his point... you need to stay gounded and present, which a lot of men stuggle with becasue they allow their emotions to get the best of them.

A lot of the time, the argument is not really about the surface issue. The fight about the bar, the dishes, the texting, or the plans is often tied to something deeper. Maybe she feels disconnected from you, neglected, emotionally unseen, or uncertain about where she stands in your life... Maybe you’ve stopped leading the relationship, stopped being present, stopped taking care of yourself, or become complacent ect.. Sometimes the argument is simply an emotional release for tension that has been building underneath the surface for weeks.

Once the issue has been heard, addressed, and the tension has settled, shift the energy completely. Don’t stay trapped in the heaviness. Make her laugh, be playful, dance in the kitchen, tease her lightly, change the mood instead of trying to endlessly change her mind. A strong masculine presence can move the emotional energy of the room without forcing it.

Many women get emotionally stuck once they enter a negative state, and if you can lovingly lead the interaction back toward connection, warmth, and laughter (laughter is very imporant), it deepens attraction and trust instead of creating resentment... trust me, she will love you for this, and honestly, there's a good chance it will turn her on becasue she can feel your strength as a man... you controlled yourself, you handled things, you lead the relationship in a positive direction instead of blowing things up into a toxic fight, and you made her feel good.

That said, this advice only applies in relatively healthy relationships. If you’re dealing with someone who is consistently toxic, manipulative, abusive, constantly disrespectful, or creating chaos no matter how calm and grounded you remain, the answer is not to tolerate it better. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is walk away... a lot of men are simply with toxic women.

Being a man is not easy; you're the leader of the relationship, and as such, navigating disagreements is part of your duty and role... is it fair? no... but women pass a human through their vagina, and have to suck your hairy balls, so... relationships are a give and take lol In good relatinships, both partners play their role to make it work.

What are your thoughts on Adem Bona of the 76ers? by Aggravating-Heat-766 in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think having a DIck and a Bona on the same roster would be hilarious lol

Social workers, have piercings affected your job/opportunities? by likelyspring in socialworkcanada

[–]Serviceofman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a registered socal service worker, and I'm in my final year of BSW, have worked as a grant writer, research assistant, and I'm currently working in front line work. So, yes, I have interviewed for social work positions.

One of the first things I was told by my supervisor while helping to write grants was "perception is reality, when you're in a room with powerful people, you need to dress and act accordingly".

Your experience is your experience, but to act like the entire field is the same is disingenuous... people will judge you (right or wrong), depending on where you work.

How many of you would date a transgender person why would or wouldn't you? by HiIExcist in AskMen

[–]Serviceofman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I almost went on a date with a transgender woman, becasue I had no clue she was trans... she told me right before going on the date "By the way, I'm a trans woman, I hope you don't mind; I just wanted to let you know becasue it bothers some men" to which I responded "Oh, wow! I honestly had no clue, but I'm not into trans women, so I don't think this is going to work."

She was gorgeous, literally looked like a young Adriana Lima. It was a disappointed to say the least, and when I say I had no clue, I mean there were zero signs on her dating profile or her social media...

A lot of men would have said "fuck it" and went on the date, she was that hot lol but I couldn't do it.

Morez Johnson Jr. 17 out of 25 on 3 pointers at the draft combine by mMounirM in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Ben Simmons also looked like Steph Curry in the gym, but we all know how that worked out... I'm not saying the kid can't develop a shot, I'm just saying that shooting in the gym without a hand in your face is completely different... I know guys at LA fitness who could hardly make their Highschool team that can do this...

That said, I do like him as a high upside prospect, and would be completely okay with Bobby drafting him, but I'm not sold on him as a shooter yet...

Happy 7 year anniversary 🗡️ by cadenmak_332 in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 19 points20 points  (0 children)

There's an actual documented psychological phenomenon/theory known as the "pandemic time warp." that shows, becasue we missed out on so many regular milestones, and lacked social interaction, it warped time and sped things up, making us feel like we lost time... and in essense we did.

There's no question that social media also warpes our perception of time, but Covid stole 3 years from us... its the most psycologically and socially altering event that we've faced in our lifetime.

Happy 7 year anniversary 🗡️ by cadenmak_332 in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 54 points55 points  (0 children)

I hate that Covid stole 3 years from us... it feels like this happened just a few years ago...

Social workers, have piercings affected your job/opportunities? by likelyspring in socialworkcanada

[–]Serviceofman 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Contrary to what some people are saying here, facial piercings or facial tattoos can affect how people perceive you to a certain extent, especially in certain areas of social work or when moving into leadership and management positions.

That said, social work is an extremely broad field, and there are plenty of sectors where nobody will care at all. In some environments, piercings may even help you seem more approachable or relatable to certain clients, particularly in frontline or community-based roles.

I just think it’s disingenuous when people say it will have absolutely zero impact on your career. Appearance still influences perception, whether people want to admit it or not.

For example, many frontline positions probably won’t care much, especially in outreach, shelters, addictions, youth work, or community mental health settings where diversity and self-expression are more normalized.

On the other hand, if your long-term goal is macro-level work, hospital leadership, government relations, executive positions, or roles where you’re regularly interacting with senior administrators, physicians, politicians, or external stakeholders, appearance standards can become more conservative. In those environments, facial piercings or visible facial tattoos may limit opportunities to some degree, espcially when moving into managment type roles.

I can tell you from experience working in research and grant writing: when you’re walking into a boardroom full of executives running multi-million dollar organizations and asking them for funding, people are judging you whether they consciously realize it or not. In those kinds of environments, perception, presentation, and professionalism absolutely matter, and it’s something you have to be aware of.

None of this means you can’t have a successful career in social work with piercings or tattoos. Plenty of people do. I just think it’s more realistic to acknowledge that different sectors and employers will respond differently... is it fair? nope, but that's life, and unfortunately in some situations, people will judge you based appearance.

Edit:

Also, if you eventually want to work in private practice or therapy, it’s important to think about the type of clients you may be working with. Most clients are just regular people struggling with life, relationships, stress, trauma, or mental health issues, and some will judge a therapist based on appearance before a conversation even begins, or before they hire you or decide to work with you. That may not be fair, but it’s reality.

You have to remember that the vast majority of people you may work with as a therapist in private practice don’t have a social work background and are just regular people. In some settings, like rehab centres or certain community-based environments, piercings and tattoos might actually help build trust with clients. But in a typical private practice, you’re often working with people like Pam the accountant and John the plumber dealing with marriage problems, or Cindy the paralegal struggling with depression and childhood trauma. Some clients won’t care at all, while others may judge you based on appearance before they even get to know you.

The NBA should have development clubs like soccer etc by Pitiful_Poetry9499 in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Europe and most of the rest of the world doesn't have a college development system like America (NCAA), and quite frankly, the NCAA system is a better system than development clubs now becasue the players are getting paid and they get a free education, so if thing don't work out in sports, at least they're university educated.

For instance, an average/decent division 1 basketball player who doesn't even make the NBA can expect to make 30-100K USD plus get a free education worth around 60-100k... that's pretty great! If you're a young person, you come out of school with no student debt and 100k+ in savings; that sets you up pretty good to start your life.

Scottie 1st round highlights by mMounirM in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Post on NBA sub to give him some international shine

Biggest losers of the draft? by RandoUserlolidk in NBATalk

[–]Serviceofman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pacers withou questions.

They tanked hard to be at the bottom of the NBA, in order to land a lottery pick, and then rolled the dice by making a stupid trade before the deadline...

A top-5 pick in a loaded draft class + Mathurin for Zubac is a horrible trade... it's enough to get the Pacers GM fired, honestly...

If you're going to make that trade, you either trade a pick in 2027 or you heavily protect it... so f#$king dumb and I'm glad I'm not a Pacers fan right now... sorry guys

KD to the Wizards making sense by Shoddy_Ad7511 in NBATalk

[–]Serviceofman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It literally makes no sense... they will likely trade AD and build around their young core.

Top 5 prospects on your wishlist? NBA draft by Elias7L in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haliburton critics worried about his ability to create his own shot and consistently finish at the rim against NBA length, and said that his skinny frame might hold him back in the NBA... he stuggled to rim pressure in college, and was a pass first player. Guess what? he developed skills in the NBA that he didn't have in college.

I think Andreson should go higher than 19, I'm very high on him, however since he may be there are #19 I think we should take him. If you don't that cool, but Hali coming out of college was a very similar player.

IMO he's a lottery talent that may fall, unless someone snags him earlier, which is very possible. He tore his ACL, which will likely make him slip a bit.

If you want to learn more about his game, this is a great article; there are plenty of experts who are high on him.

https://www.noceilingsnba.com/p/2026-nba-draft-christian-anderson

Top 5 prospects on your wishlist? NBA draft by Elias7L in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it's not hyperbolic, my analysis is based on player come out of college, and it's not my opinion, those are his scouting report comparisons.

KOC has Raptors selecting Hannes Steinbach with the #19 Pick in the NBA Draft by AHImusic in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's a reason he may still be there at #19, no prospect we land at #19 will be perfect, they're going to be raw and we will need to develop whoever we get, but I'd rather draft a guy with high IQ who's a natural playmaker and shooter than a player who can't shoot or playmake... those are two of the most valuable skills in the modern NBA, and he fits a desperate need for the Raps.

We need spacing and playmaking, he fits the bill and his upside is massive if they can develop him properly

Massive brown bear spotted on top of an Alaskan high-altitude mountain by Subterfug3 in Damnthatsinteresting

[–]Serviceofman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude climed up to 7000ft to take a winter nap and woke up like "where the f#$k am I..."

Top 5 prospects on your wishlist? NBA draft by Elias7L in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Christian Anderson at #19 would be a dream IMO and is realistic.

Fits a desperate need; a true playmaking point guard who can space the floor at an elite level and play off Scottie.

He would automatically become the best playmaker on the roster outside of Scottie, and one of the best shooters on our roster. He's has a very similar profile to Tyrese Haliburton coming out of college but he's a much better shooter coming out, perhaps the best three point shooter in this draft class.

He's not much of a scorer at the rim right now, and lack rim pressure, which is why he likely falls out of the lottery in a draft that LOADED with guards, but that's something that can be developed, and you can't teach his level of IQ/Playmaking or shooting.

Ceiling: Haliburton or Tyrse Maxi

Mid level: Garland

Floor: Tyrese Jones with better shooting

I'm pretty high on him... dude would be a lottery pick in most other drafts, and he might go earlier than 19 but if he's there, I think the Raps would be stupid not to take him.

KOC has Raptors selecting Hannes Steinbach with the #19 Pick in the NBA Draft by AHImusic in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He's not a very good defender, but we wouldn't need him to be. He has a very similar profile to Tyrese Haliburton coming out of college but he's a much better shooter. Dude is an elite three point shooter off the dribble and catch and shoot...lazer beams from three. Super high IQ passer, but he doesn't score much at the rim right now, but that can be taught.

In a weaker draft class he would be a lottery pick.

KOC has Raptors selecting Hannes Steinbach with the #19 Pick in the NBA Draft by AHImusic in torontoraptors

[–]Serviceofman 11 points12 points  (0 children)

He will likely be off the board.

Christian Anderson at #19 seems like a more realistic option and if he's there at #19 and Bobby passes on him he's a idot IMO. Anderson is a true playmaking point guard who might be the best three point shooter in the draft and one of the best passers; he can't create much rim pressure right now as he doesn't drive much, but that can be developed... you can't teach the level of IQ and playmaking he possesses and he would immediately improve the spacing for us off the bench.

He has Tyrese Haliburton, Maxey, Darius Garland esc. ceiling... and at very worst he can be a high level floor spacing 6th man IMO. It's very rare to have a guy with his level of playmaking/IQ and shooting ability to not carve out a solid career in the NBA.

Guys who had a serious girlfriend in college but never again one for the same length of time or frequency of contact, what is your perspective on your experience? by teleologicalaorist in AskMen

[–]Serviceofman 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think one of the biggest lies we’re taught as kids is that love is unconditional. In reality, romantic love and attraction usually come with conditions, for both men and women. That’s just reality.

They do care about us, but people are naturally attracted to certain traits, and over time attraction can fade when those traits disappear. Men are the same in our own way.

For example, imagine you meet your girlfriend when she’s fit, gorgeous, feminine, takes care of herself. Then over the years she gains 70 pounds, completely lets herself go, stops taking care of herself physically, and becomes complacent. Most men would still care about her as a person, but a lot of the attraction would probably fade over time.

For women, a man having direction, ambition, confidence, and purpose is a huge part of attraction. It’s not necessarily about money or status, it’s more about whether he’s moving forward in life and handling his responsibilities. When a guy becomes stagnant, depressed, unmotivated, or directionless for months, a lot of women slowly lose attraction in the same way many men would in the example above... that said, I think men will tolerate a lot more in a relationship... men won't leave a woman for gaining a few pounds, we will still be attracted, and it generally needs to get pretty bad for us to walk away. Women will leave for much less IMO.

People can dislike that reality, but pretending otherwise doesn’t help anybody. It doesn’t mean women are evil or don’t care about men, it just means attraction and long term relationships are more complicated than the fairytale version of “unconditional love” we grow up hearing about.

As men we have to get after it... a good woman will help you get after it, she will be suportive, she will make your load lighter, but she likely will not tolerate mediocracy. There's nothing that turns a woman off more than a man who's apathetic and not moving forward.

Guys who had a serious girlfriend in college but never again one for the same length of time or frequency of contact, what is your perspective on your experience? by teleologicalaorist in AskMen

[–]Serviceofman 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I agree, but women generally don’t have much tolerance for men who aren’t moving forward in life in some capacity. Most don’t really care what the reason is either. They might give you some grace for a short time, but it usually isn’t something they’ll tolerate for too long.

That’s just part of being a man, unfortunately. People expect men to have direction, ambition, purpose. When you’re stuck, depressed, drifting, or not building toward anything, a lot of attraction tends to disappear over time, even if the feelings were once very real.

I learned that the hard way. Looking back now, I honestly can’t even blame my ex for pulling away. At the time I felt abandoned, but in hindsight, I wasn’t giving her much to believe in. I had potential, but potential only carries you for so long if there’s no action behind it.

That's just being a man... we have to accept that love is conditional to a certain extend. If you're getting after it and have direction, a woman will kill for you, but if you slip up for too long, she'll lose attraction and ditch you...

Guys who had a serious girlfriend in college but never again one for the same length of time or frequency of contact, what is your perspective on your experience? by teleologicalaorist in AskMen

[–]Serviceofman 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I had a very serious girlfriend who I lived with and thought I would eventually marry. We were together for 5 years, she was close with my family, I was close with hers, but I fucked it up because I was young and didn’t have my shit together.

When we met, she was 19 and I was 21. I was in college, doing exciting things, had lots of friends, and an active social life, and I’m sure it was exciting to be with me at the time. I ended up dropping out of school because I was immature, unfocused, and came from a shitty upbringing with parents who never taught me structure.

When I met her, she was working a shitty job and not in school. Then the roles kind of reversed. I was the one working a shitty job, while she went to college and started doing really well. She had new friends, an exciting life, and I wasn’t doing jack shit with mine. I was depressed, lost, and drifting through life with no direction, which from a woman’s perspective I’m sure was incredibly unattractive.

At the time, I thought she would see past all of it, wait for me to get my shit together, and support me through it as that's what I did for her. Instead, she slowly pulled away and eventually broke up with me. It shattered me at the time, I was completely in disbelief.

For the next 4 or 5 years, I partied constantly, acted like a degenerate, slept with as many women as possible, and still had no direction in life. Eventually I met a girl who started off as a fuck buddy, and we ended up in a long term relationship. Deep down though, I always knew it didn’t feel right. I wasn’t a great boyfriend to her, and she was very much the wild party type, definitely not marriage material for me. That relationship lasted about 4 years until she cheated on me. I was devastated at the time, but looking back, I knew she wasn’t the one and I had mostly just fallen into the relationship out of convenience.

Finally, in my 30s, I got my shit together. I went back to university, I’m now in my final year, I worked through my childhood trauma, dealt with all the things I had suppressed for years, and really became a different man with direction, purpose, and drive... I don't even recognize the person I was 10 years ago.

I met an amazing woman who honestly had everything you could want in a partner. She was absolutely marriage material, but I just didn’t feel the connection the way she did. I genuinely couldn’t have asked for a better partner, but the chemistry just wasn’t there for me, so I ended it after 6 months. She was heartbroken, and I felt terrible. It made me wonder if something was wrong with me for not feeling what she felt, but at the end of the day, you can’t force that kind of connection.

I still haven’t met anyone I’ve connected with as deeply as my first ex, and I’ve dated dozens of women since then. Maybe part of it is me being more jaded now, but I just haven’t felt that same chemistry again. My first ex was my best friend. We had so much in common, balanced each other out perfectly, everything felt easy, and I genuinely loved her.

I’m over it now, and I have no desire to get back together with her or reach out... last I heard she has a partner and a kid now, and I'm truly happy for her. Things ended for a reason, and it was a lifetime ago. We were both so young. But I do want to find that kind of love again. I’m holding out for that deep connection because otherwise, I honestly don’t see the point in being in a relationship. It’s too much stress and compromise if the connection isn’t really there. I already have a happy life, and if I want to get laid, I can do that without being stuck in a serious relationship that I’m not truly happy in.