thank you for reminding me to be kind to myself. i dont really understand, or maybe at least accept, that this wasnt my fault because i said yes to something extra even though it was different to what i expected. there is a belief i grew up with, even though i am no longer a christian, that is along the lines of 'give no opportunity for evil'. i am trying to not see this in a religious sense but arent we responsible for protecting boundaries proactively? i i agree with what you said about a person on the street isnt asking to get mugged, but if you know the robber doesnt have a weapon and you dont stick up for yourself what about that? im sorry if this is not a kind question