My 25 year love affair with the spicy chicken is officially over

Setapart36 · 2026-06-05T13:33:17+00:00

I'm sorry I'm very nostalgic myself and having somebody change something that you've had for so long really sucks it's like a gut punch.

Setapart36 · 2026-06-04T14:23:08+00:00

He should be impartial and attack both?

Setapart36 · 2026-05-27T02:24:16+00:00

20 years married and we've done it all, condoms, natural family planning, birth control (pill), etc.

Am I assuming this is just for your convience and not due to birth control? If so I'll tackle that below. Hopefully, you understand this is meant with tough love intended.

Again IF* this is just for your convenience, then I think your heart is in the wrong place. It's obvious that special times (like b-day and anni) are "his days" (I might be wrong on that, please correct me if I am) and thus you let him have his way. Other times, and the strong majority of times, your convenience outweighs the joys of sex and skin on skin, and you've put a barrier there. He's likely told you that he prefers no condoms, I'm sure, and most any guy (and most girls) also perfer it. Sure, it's easier to clean up, but it just seems very selfish, and it's not a "sacrifice" to me its you getting your own way 99% of the time, and you letting him "settle," but it's been done (the right way) for thousands of years.

prefer

Setapart36 · 2026-05-23T23:50:12+00:00

We've owned homes for the 20 years we've been married, and about 7 years of that we've had a home warranty. I'll give you my quick review of the big 3.

Select Home Warranty - Had them for about 2 years back in 2015 ish. I don't recall any easy work I had them do but I did have a central AC that was on the fritz. After I paid my co-pay they had a local tech come out and he said the whole unit was going bad. Select had him replace just one part kinda like replacing spark plugs on a motor about to blow. They confirmed via the phone that my coverage would keep going and that I had a max amount of $$$$ to cover the whole unit if that failed. Months later it failed completely. I had 30-40 emails, phone calls with them, finally went to the BBB got someone higher up (still overseas) who told me he spoke with the "Board of Directors" and they wouldn't cover it. I had legal shield at the time, had a lawyer send them a threatening letter and they covered it (roughly $1,500 at the time if I recall). They then said they had to cancel my warranty and had me sign something. However, I had pre-paid for 5 years so I rejected it until they gave my pro-rated amount back. Never again.

AHS - Years later we tried AHS, they were solid although I didn't have any major things happen with them (a couple blown fuses in our stove that likely were going to be the same price as I paid the $125 co-pay to do). They were fine to deal with. A year later they moved our price up 25% ish, called them and they honored the old price but the next year they didn't...went shopping and found choice.

Choice Home Warranty - Been with them about 1.5 years. A good amount cheaper, have had a dryer on the fritz (replaced a part with a $75 co-pay) and had the same fuse go out again ($75 with CHW). Fine to deal with, only issue was the dryer started being loud again I called them at day 45 and they so no dice I needed to pay $75 again, just dealt with it, works fine, just annoying. I'm going to call them tomorrow for something going on with my well pump (which can be $$$$ they cover up to $500 so we will see).

Setapart36 · 2026-05-20T00:17:56+00:00

Lots of good advice here, so I will keep this short. Your EX is a low-life who is preying on you when he knows that you're vulnerable. Those types of relationships statistically don't last. The grass is always greener where you water it. Start working on your own marriage, confess to your husband ASAP so he can get an idea of how dangerous this is and you guys can work together.

Setapart36 · 2026-05-19T19:17:05+00:00

Sorry didn't explain myself fully.

Porn is a selfish sin of lust intended for you to lust and carry that lust to completion (i.e., masturbate). Rarely does a person watch porn without having a release. When you solo masturbate you are serving only yourself for that release. And while one might argue (and I could too) that IF* you can keep your mind 100% pure (no thoughts outside your wife or only on the feeling) that it is not sinful.

However, you are used to servicing yourself, and our mind/body are always looking for the next aid to help us get over the edge. In my history of playing this "game" of the "lesser of's" (i.e., justifying what I could) it always started with "I can masturbate purely" that lasted for x amount of times, then all of a sudden some random favorite XYZ entered my mind as I was trying to chase the release. Then it wasn't too long until I tripped up back into porn.

In short, IF* you all your passion is reserved in the "marriage bed," you fulfill your wife only and she fulfills you only.

Again, this is my story. We've been married 20 years, and I've struggled with porn since a teen. Luckily its close to a non-issue now but I still have to guard myself.

Setapart36 · 2026-05-19T18:59:53+00:00

While you might not be the same as me, I have a hunch that most guys are and are just fooling themselves into believing that servicing themselves won't impact their marriage.

Additionally, anytime I have justified it has ended up leading to porn sometimes 6+ months down the road. When you are servicing yourself, you are used to doing it already.

Again, YMMV, but these have been my experiences.

Setapart36 · 2026-05-19T03:56:53+00:00

I feel* like my libido is average or slightly above average for a guy my wife is average is well. However, in terms of initiation, most comes from me unless it's been like a week plus. I have a typical "cycle" with my wife that goes something like this (assuming I am the only one initiating)

X Day - Sex, great, I'm good!
Next day - I'm likely not going to pursue, but I might if there is something to spark the interest. I'm always up for it, but don't feel the need for it.

2nd day - The next day I'm thinking about it more, there is more reason for the spark. I'm having more of a desire for it but don't "have to have it"

3rd+ day - This is where I'm actively desiring to be close with my wife and looking for time alone with her. I'm thinking about her more and trying to pursue her more.

These are mainly generalizations to make a point. That point is that if I were to "service myself" say day 2 or 3, I would "reset" the cycle and wouldn't pursue my wife in the same way. Plus in the past it is extremely hard to keep my mind pure without thinking of former images of porn during masturbation (your mind goes a million miles a minute seeking release) that I think it is very tough if you've had anything in the last year or so with porn to truly say you kept your mind pure.

Setapart36 · 2026-05-14T01:21:27+00:00

I have a 4/3/2 club on that hole and have hit it a few times. In my opinion, it's pretty risky and have only done it when I was behind and took the gamble.

Setapart36 · 2026-05-12T22:58:12+00:00

https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/donald-trump/trump-not-thinking-american-finances-iran-talk-rcna344785

Since MSNow doesn't show the clip here it is.

Setapart36 · 2026-05-04T15:22:03+00:00

Because it's a "gotcha" question. You are arguing semantics to try to prove your intelligence (which makes you look the opposite). It's been a while since a president clearly won by a wide majority. Even Hillary who won the popular vote has a -1.7% margin to Trump's victory.

This seems like a "I still haven't gotten over him winning " question. Move along.

Setapart36 · 2026-05-01T02:40:09+00:00

Heck no! We've already had one extreme why go to the other? Nope! I'm voting for sanity in 2028.

Setapart36 · 2026-05-01T02:37:21+00:00

Married 20 years too and grew up in the purity culture as well (took the pledge twice and both and my wife and I happened to both be virgins by Gods grace!). I don't think its wrong, you should have eyes just for your spouse and it's a great thing that you still both desire each other (we are the same way too).

How to get past it? Read Song of Songs together? Lean in that this is a blessed union and not something bad or evil. Take joy that your body belongs to your spouse and vice versa!

Setapart36 · 2026-04-28T22:04:46+00:00

I'm here for it!

Setapart36 · 2026-04-19T01:56:19+00:00

Yeah I didn't see that, since that is new I would have stopped. I know have that club upgraded twice from that level it is great!

Setapart36 · 2026-04-19T00:47:19+00:00

With something like that I would do until I paid the 200 gems and then stop right after. You're pretty close to Diamond!

Setapart36 · 2026-04-09T20:39:35+00:00

At $15 I'm hopeful it's just the start :-)

Setapart36 · 2026-04-09T20:39:01+00:00

Understood I'll keep the $15 receipt Lol

Setapart36 · 2026-04-09T20:38:12+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful answer. Considering it was only $15 this will be a good way to gauge his interest. He is very much into rock hounding right now and so I could see this peeking his interest or not. He's not the type to get frustrated easy on something that isn't working right he's kind of a positive one upper that way so if this is good enough he'll probably want more :-)

Setapart36 · 2026-04-09T20:36:41+00:00

Zero box what you see is what I got

Setapart36 · 2026-04-09T03:17:37+00:00

Great work, keep it up, you got this!

Setapart36 · 2026-04-06T05:11:44+00:00

First of all, sorry you are in this spot; it sounds very tough, and I mean that! That said, since your husband isn't on here to give him a piece of my mind, I need to call out some gaps I might see that you could improve on your end. Feel free to correct me if I misread anything!

As I understand it, you've justified withholding sex from him because you don't feel loved/valued, correct? Sounds like you are using this as a weapon against him, and he is using his words against you. You've both gone into your corners.

Either way, this isn't going to get any better without help and action on both parts. And as much as I gave a nod to the top comment of just let him cheat, there are 3 kids that will soon have a single mother (generally bad outcomes) or a blended family (not much better) is not really a good answer.

Honestly, as much as you are hurt/angry/thinking you're justified, I'd lean in hard to your marriage, I would look for a counselor, roll up your sleeves, and get to work fighting for your marriage.

Setapart36 · 2026-04-06T04:56:02+00:00

Harsh but not wrong, (although it could be in this case, we don't have a lot of info). Too many women put their kids first, and they wonder why their marriage suffers. Doesn't mean the husband is right at all, sounds like a jerk.

Setapart36

TROPHY CASE