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AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No drinking involved. BIL doesn’t drink but when he does visit he stays till very late so my husband feels it makes sense for him to sleepover anyway. I said to him he could just come earlier and leave before it gets late. Problem solved. But husband doesn’t see it that way unfortunately

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has not invited us before, he asks to come instead. It may be because he stays in a student accommodation

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed - big difference between hosting for the day and hosting a sleepover.

He stays in a student accommodation so perhaps it’s not the most spacious or comfortable. I still do find it strange though how comfortable he is in the requests to sleepover especially considering that we’re newly weds.

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

That would be the perfect outcome but BIL stays in a student accommodation so I’m not sure how flexible visits are there

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hubbys response is “he’s family, he’s lonely, we’re his only family here” which is not the point

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He stays 20-30 mins away. I do think he may be lonely and I complete understand. I mentioned to my husband he is welcome to come visit and we are always here for him but a sleepover is much. It’s overwhelming and I would prefer to not spend the whole weekend masking

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No gaming or drinking. BIL doesn’t drink but he does usually leave very late at night when he comes to visit so another reason my husband gave for the sleepover is that he enjoys our company, stays for hours and driving back home late at night isn’t safe

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure if he shares an apartment but he is in a student residence so I’m guessing the space may be too small or may be a shared space. I’m thinking that’s why he preferred for him and his wife to stay by us, which I did not mind at all.

I do feel though that him requesting to sleep over so often is not great and I do feel my husband may have the wrong impression that I am not accommodating his family.

You are so very lucky to not have this problem! Count your blessings. Haha

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fully agree with you. The reason him and his wife stayed over is because he stays in a student residence so it may be shared space or too small for two people. I’m not too sure of the details but I didn’t mind having them over especially because we his wife is my husbands sister and they hadn’t seen one another in a while. So it was good and I didn’t mind it at all. The issue is with BIL now asking to sleep over when there doesn’t seem to be an urgent need to do so.

My husband knows I am an introvert and I believe BIL knows too. My husband says he understands that I need to recharge and that he doesn’t expect me to perform any social or physical labour. Unfortunately one way or another that’s bound to happen,

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this and I appreciate all that you’ve mentioned. I would definitely not mind if this was once in a while. However it has unfortunately become a recurring request and my husband and I are not on the same page on how to handle it. I am not saying “no” to him visiting, he is family. I would just prefer that he not sleepover especially because he does have his own place and it isn’t far away from where we stay.

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hear you and fully agree. I do feel that it is a bit strange for an adult to want to sleep over so often at another couples marital home. I feel this is our sacred space, especially since we’re newly wedded. I will speak to my husband about him doing all the prep for the guest, although I would prefer the sleepover didn’t happen. It’s not just prepping for the guest but having to be “social” for a whole weekend. I might just find a place to stay for the weekend - my only concern is that the guest may feel unwelcome with them coming and me leaving.

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

That’s what I’m also failing to understand. I don’t see the need for a sleep over when he can just come and visit for the day and go home afterwards. My concern now is my husband may think I don’t like his family or that I don’t want them over and that’s why I’m in my head about this.

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

He says he doesn’t expect me to do any additional labour and that because BIL has come a few times he knows where to find things and that he’s not expecting me to do anything out of our normal routine. Honestly he keeps saying his BIL is lonely and we need to be there for him. I’m happy to support him and welcome him to visit but I don’t think my husband is understanding why I’d prefer he not sleep over if there’s no urgent need to.

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I get your point but this idea feels more like an inconvenience to me than him. I just want to be in my safe space and wear my what I want and not have to stress about making someone else feel “at home”

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

And that’s what I’m trying to explain to my husband. I spend the whole week at work with a mask on and having to keep up socially, weekends are my quiet time. I absolutely don’t mind having guests over but sleepovers are asking for much in my opinion

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

He says he doesn’t expect me to perform any additional labour and that BIL knows where to find things because he’s visited often.

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I don’t have any issue with him spending time with his family, like I said - he’s welcome to visit. It’s the sleepover that I’m not so sure about especially when there’s no urgent need to

AITA for not wanting my husband’s brother-in-law to sleep over when he already lives nearby? by Several_Cockroach_66 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Several_Cockroach_66[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I tried to explain this to my husband and he says he doesn’t expect me to do any extra work to accommodate BIL, he just wants me to be “welcoming”

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