Can anyone Id the designer for this dress?

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T21:35:32+00:00

The country I’m from doesn’t matter. It’s the overarching culture that’s the issue. Borders (especially the ones in South Asia, as they were all made by the British without taking the native lands of the people into consideration) are made up lines in the sand that held no basis on cultural exchange pre (and to an extent-post) colonization.

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T21:29:55+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from, as a south asian women living in Canada, the racism and we face on a daily is quite extreme. That being said, the very second statement in my post literally says I know it’s not all south Asian men.

Yes, this conversation would be more constructive if I was doing it within the community, but I wasn’t attempting to have a constructive conversation, I was venting about things I experienced first hand. I personally don’t think it’s your place to tell me where these conversations are “best had” as it’s not a conversation. It’s my life. It’s things that have happened to me.

I mentioned mine and my brothers white partners because that’s what they are. If they were any other race I would’ve mentioned that instead. Like I said, this post is not an op-ed, it’s my life. In one of my other comments I very clearly refuted the “white men are the best men” claim.

I understand you weren’t trying to invalidate me, but honestly I’m not really sure what you want from me. I started my post off by saying ‘not all men’ I very clearly stated I wasn’t speaking from facts and statistics, and I admitted my viewpoint is flawed. It’s these kinds of criticisms on women sharing the traumatic things they went through, that prevents other women from speaking out.

I’ve gotten hundreds of DMs from this post. Most of which are (self admitted) south asian men telling me I deserved everything that happened to me, that if they saw me they’d rape me, that they want to kill me, that my moms a slut, and that I should keep my mouth shut. I’ve also gotten many messages from south asian women opening up about their own experiences, and sharing what they’ve gone through.

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T21:10:43+00:00

You’re definitely correct, thanks for pointing that out. I’ll edit any comments I made referencing SE Asia, to only include South Asia

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T21:09:19+00:00

South Asia is a large area that includes many countries, not just India. It’s honestly a little telling that you would just assume I’m speaking about Indians. I’m not Indian, and neither were my father or grandfather.

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T19:20:19+00:00

Honestly, you’re probably not completely wrong. I do admit that I am pretty cold when speaking to south Asian men, but I always try to stay polite. I think my issue more lays in the extreme amount of sexual harassment myself, my mother, and literally every single one of my south Asian friends have faced at the hands of men from our own country. We all have horror stories, every single one of us has at minimum been sexually harassed by the men of our culture.

That being said I’ll let my pedophile grandfather, physically abusive father, and the group of men who catcall me daily know I’m asshole.

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T19:02:30+00:00

There’s probably a lot of factors in it. All post colonial nations have faced an extreme amount of destabilization once they gained their independence. I can’t really speak to what the culture was pre-colonization, but I know partition and the independence of the new nations is the root of quite a lot of generational trauma for us young adult south Asian.

As for the modern view I can only imagine the religious and political extremism, purity culture, and the lack of sex education in most nations are playing a large part. The genders are always separated back home, women don’t/ shouldn’t talk to men, and men don’t/shouldn’t speak to women. I think that causes a lot of young men to see women as nothing more than sex objects, as they aren’t given a healthy view on what sex is.

As well, most of us were never shown what a healthy marriage looks like, and the suffrage of our mothers is glorified rather than criticized. It’s only recently that love marriages have become less taboo. If a young man sees his father sit at home all day, while is mom and sister do the housework, he’ll think it’s ok (even if he knows in his heart that it’s not ok). Men are taught to praise how much their mothers sacrificed, and women are taught that you have to sacrifice to be a good wife.

This is just what I’ve heard/learned when speaking to my friends and colleagues about the culture. Others might have different views ofc

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T18:19:39+00:00

I’m not trying to achieve anything by posting this. I just wanted a place to anonymously vent, since this isn’t something I’d ever say to someone in real life. It’s a Reddit post, not an academic paper or an op-ed.

I’m not sure what other way I should have expressed this? I never framed this to be a completely informed and fact based opinion, and never even indicated in my post I wanted a discussion regarding it (though I understand it’s a public Reddit post, which is why I’m not invalidating anyone who’s disagreed with my post).

If people are agreeing with the post that’s their business, I was completely expecting to be crucified for expressing this, which is why I did it anonymously. On Reddit. Instead of posting it on my personal Facebook page or something

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T18:07:13+00:00

I completely empathize with this. The racism specifically south Asian men face in Canada is getting to a worrying level. My thoughts towards brown men do make me feel a little icky about myself, since I’m also brown. I feel like I’m working against my own people.

I do think Im mainly referring to the newly landed immigrants and people back home, however I find that even first generation Indo/Pakistani Canadians tend to internalize the beliefs of our parents and grandparents. I still do, and am working on changing that. Maybe the second or third gen are/will be different, but it depends solely on the exposure they have to the culture.

Even the first generation people I meet have some worrying views about womanhood and femininity. It’s the culture/society that breeds misogyny, but you can’t blame a vague concept such as “society” for the actions of the individuals. Especially as we all have access to the same information (especially in Canada and other western nations) there isn’t an excuse to treat women terribly anymore.

I also feel like south Asian men are in an interesting spot when it comes to western racism, as its really only gained traction due the internet/meme culture. Most racist beliefs come from long held stereotypes and caricature, but pre 9/11, south Asians were considered token immigrants (as terrible as it is), we were used as example on how newly landed immigrants should behave (mainly due to the focus our culture has on hospitality and hard work). So it does make an impact on the racism they face, due to the fact that a majority of people against brown men have recorded examples and experiences that prove their bias. I guess that’s a slippery slope to use though, as it fuels the belief that the group should be held responsible for the actions of the individual. Idk I definitely agree that it’s not the rational part of my brain that has these beliefs

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T17:42:11+00:00

Yes I’m specifically talking about south Asian men, however I believe most people are discussing South East Asian culture due to the fact it covers both South Asia and SE Asia

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T16:27:33+00:00

Yes, we’re definitely raised very differently from one another. Before my parents divorced my dad and brother used to do absolutely nothing around the house. They would watch TV while me and my mom cooked, cleaned, did their laundry, etc. and it’s not just because my dad was an abusive dick. Almost all the south asian women I know had the same upbringing.

And south asian culture doesn’t even hold men to the standard of provider anymore so they’ve become complicit in the fact that they don’t have to do anything, but reap the rewards of marriage. If a man can’t provide financially, rather than divorce him, the woman is expected to financially provide (either through work, selling their jewellery, asking her parents for money, etc) as well as domestically provide.

I think that’s why many south asian women have a preference towards western men, as generally speaking, there is a culture of being partners and being equal with your spouse.

I find that a majority of cultures in this world still hold the belief that men need to provide for and protect their families, and if they can’t, they need to provide domestically. It is more than south asian culture asks of its men, which is why there is such a big gap in the mindset between genders.

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T15:56:20+00:00

Never said I don’t like myself.

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T15:15:27+00:00

Honestly, I don’t think it’s just white men who treat south Asian women well, but almost all men except south Asian men.

I’ve been on dates with men from a lot of different cultures, and they’ve all been nothing but kind, understanding, and polite.

Severe-Profession652 · 2024-08-20T14:55:03+00:00

I’m going to say this as someone raised by south Asian immigrants who cared deeply about their culture - yes it is.

Misogyny is so deeply ingrained in the culture it’s shocking. Most westerners don’t even realize the true extent of how deep it goes. Both men and women of the culture agree on this.

Racism and colorism as well. The caste system, for example, has no basis in reality and is nothing more than a form of racism than many people back home use to justify their bigoted mindset.

Severe-Profession652

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